THE INABILITY TO effectively communicate with partners seems to be one of the most serious challenges that both men and women face in their relationships in Barbados.

Actually, the need for more conversation between couples about every matter affecting them is the only thing that both sexes agreed on. But, generally speaking, that is where their consensus stopped.

In addressing this week's question, "Are you satisfied with the level of communication between you and your partner, and how do you think that can be improved?", both sexes loudly voiced their displeasure at the level of rapport they enjoyed with their partners, but their answers went very much along gender lines.

The women, for example, were concerned mostly with men not wanting to communicate their true feelings; with how they became verbally and physically abusive when challenged, or the other extreme of going silent. They also mentioned how men avoided the issues at hand and focused on peripheral matters, sometimes trying to create disputes.

As for men, they were concerned most with how women tended to inflate small, sometimes insignificant matters into major issues; their application of the silent treatment or withdrawing sexually until they got their way. Also the fact that they discussed their problems more freely with their girlfriends and sought, their advice more often, rather than talk with men; and how they tended to listen to gossip more, and were inclined to take positions without having all the facts, or caring about gathering more information about the situation at hand.

Both expressed dismay in near equal measure about the inability of their partner to appreciate why they did what they did, how they did it and with whom.

More specifically, women questioned why their spouses had so many female friends and enjoyed such a friendliness and concern for their [the friends'] well-being, while they were not understanding of them having male friends.

The men, however, questioned why women placed their children and family above men and would spend their last cent on them.

They also said women tended not to like to express their feelings on sexual matters, so they sometimes only realised they were not satisfying them sexually when a noise or break-up occurred.

And both sexes repeatedly slammed the other for not making a more determined effort to get to understand what made each other tick.

Indeed, given the volume of concerns expressed, it seems in this age of communication, many people felt their partner just didn't make enough of an effort to communicate with them. Now here are two selected replies that generally encapsulate your responses:

* "We argue over a lot of petty issues nearly every week and she says that she doesn't understand me. It can be improved if we both try to understand each other."

* "My partner and I have been in a relationship for the past ten years, but do not live together. Generally, we communicate well. However, that can change very quickly if I express dissatisfaction or disappointment with anything he has said or done.

"Regardless of the mildness of the criticism, he retreats into the silent zone, with no attempt at communication, effectively freezing me out of his life sometimes for as long as six weeks.

"Any attempt at prompting only aggravates the situation, causing him to retreat even further. He argues that this is his way of dealing with such situations.

"This is a frustrating exercise as this form of communication invariably leaves me with the feeling that I am being penalised.

To add insult to injury, when roles are reversed, he says whatever he thinks without sparing my feelings, under the guise that one has to tell the truth."