This September, I will be celebrating my 30th birthday but for the last two years I have been slowly dying. For many it would be hard and embarrassing to talk about this in a public domain where potentially over 100 000 readers would have access to very private information.

Most humans I know are generally private about their health, income, mistakes and experiences, yet they would love to know the private matters of others. I share the belief that there are things that shouldn’t be shared with the public but I also believe that there are some things within our lives that should be shared with the intention of bringing hope, encouragement and reformation to the lives of others.

Last Saturday, my beautiful wife and I celebrated two wonderful, fruitful and pleasant years of legal marriage. You may wonder why I termed it legal marriage and here is the explanation. I was married emotionally many years ago but only legally at my wedding. Marrying my best friend of 12 years was the second best decision I ever made in my life. The first was becoming a Christian and the third was the choice of my pastor.

From the time I started courtship, something in me stated to change and on the morning I said I do, and received the title of husband, that change became clear: I was dying. I was not dying physically but I was dying to self.

This concept seems strange to some people but dying to self is just putting someone else before yourself and making it your utmost priority to honour them first in all areas.

Marriage is exiting and rewarding but let me tell you it is also very challenging and the longer we take to adjust our nasty selfish attitudes and die to our selfish desires the more challenging it will be.

Before I go any further let me say this to you. You will never find or have a perfect marriage. How can you have a perfect marriage with two imperfect people?

So now that is out there lets continue.

A perfect marriage is unattainable but a pleasant, enjoyable, joyful and purposeful one is. All you need to do is learn how to die. I die a little every day and even though I don’t like it, I see the rewards daily.

I love to sleep, relax and rest but every morning since I was married I get up around 6 a.m. and prepare breakfast for my wife. I know my wife likes the bed made up. Quite frankly, I don’t care but she does, so I purpose in my heart to make it up each morning. Do I always want to? No, but I do. I am a heavy gamer, I use to spend many hours on my computer playing games, but I had to give up those many hours to help my wife at home. I also love to lime and hang out and would often spend about four hours daily playing dominoes but I had to change that also. A part of dying is giving up some things.

Think about it, many, if not all, marriages end because of one thing: selfishness. In each marriage, it may present itself differently but at the end of the day, divorce arises out of total selfishness.  

It’s amazing that Jesus often spoke about “dying to one’s self” and “putting others before yourself”. This may seem strange to some but it has the potential to radically change your relationships. Dying isn’t an event, it is a process and you haven’t began the process yet if your questions are still, ‘how can I get my wife or husband to . . .?’ It can’t be all about what you can get out of the relationship. Narcissism and dying don’t go together, just like how skinny jeans and plus-sized people don’t go together.  

Seriously, think about how easy it is to get along with a dead person. Since relationships can only work when two people come together, dying to one’s self is a process both parties must commit to.

The more you die to selfish desires the more pleasant and beautiful the fragrance of the relationship.

Marriage has made me a better person and dying has made me a stronger person.

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