A friend OF MINE once wrote a poem which he recited at one of my seminars.
It ended with the words, “I am unique, just like you.” Even in our uniqueness we have commonality. Uniqueness is a gift. It is from our uniqueness that we derive our distinctive competencies. We could all be lawyers, teachers or coaches and still avoid poisoning our spirits with feelings of inferiority that lead to jealousy and competitiveness. To put it plainly, “No one can do you like you – no one!” It does not matter how many people carry a similar job title.
It is for this reason that I get passionate about helping others leverage their uniqueness, since so many use it as a barrier to success. We make ourselves so different from the others that we sabotage our lives as we recite one excuse after another as to why we cannot accomplish what others have.
There is a fine line between reasons and excuses and the truth is that the creative energy spent on pummeling ourselves into irrelevance could be spent noticing, celebrating and putting ourselves into productive action.
So how exactly does one sabotage oneself with their uniqueness? First, you find someone who has been as successful as you desire to be, usually in your professional field. You then launch a desire to be as successful as that person. Then you start to lay the groundwork and start feeling pretty good about what you are planning to create, but then you hit a snag. You realize that this project, career or business is going to cost you more money than you anticipated.
Now be mindful that this single factor is the reason you are experiencing a snag – you are still competent and still have a deep desire to achieve your goal. But then you allow that one snag to trigger a chain reaction of limiting thoughts which sound something like this: “I can’t make that much money!”
“They are smarter than I am.” “It is surprising to me that they are so successful,” “If I did not have to work part-time, I would be better at this.”
“If I lived in America . . . .” “They have connections. I don’t.”
“My complexion is different.”
“They have been in this field longer.”
“I can’t see myself doing that kind of work.”
“I don’t have a husband to support me if this fails; they have two incomes.”
“I don’t have the gift of gab like they do.”
“But they live at home with their parents. I have a mortgage.”
“I don’t have name recognition.”
“I have never started a business before.”
“I don’t move in those circles.”
And the list could go on ad infinitum.
Sheri O. Zampelli, in her book Reach Your Potential, places these limiting beliefs into four main categories:
• Yes, but-Thinking, which means first agreeing that you can, then swiftly cancelling your potential by using the word “but”.
• Comparing Yourself to Others, but I prefer to think of this as “Contrasting Yourself to Others”.
• Making Up Excuses for Lack of Success is where people challenge me most. People usually argue this limitation by euphemizing excuses with reasons. You can justify anything but in the final analysis, whether you call them reasons or excuses, you still have to answer the question, have you taken action?
• Having an Inferiority or Superiority Complex. We either feel we are not as good as others or criticize others by highlighting their impediments despite their successes.
How do we fix this? First we go back to basics. You are right. You are unique, special and different. Treat to that statement only in the positive. Remember that you are always right.
If you talk yourself out of your goals and desires, you will be right where you do not wish to be. Success does not accommodate excuses.
The truth is that successful people do one thing differently – they invalidate these excuses and do what they have to do. So stop sabotaging yourself and just get on with it.
