DE MARKET VENDOR – Giving out yellow cards and red cards

Wed, July 14, 2010 - 12:00 AM

The World Cup done, but de Vendor still kicking, so today I am the referee and not like some of them from the past month, so time for discipline.

England had a goal disallowed that was so clearly inside the goal post only a blind linesman could not see it, red card to the linesman and yellow for the goalie for unsportsmanlike conduct. He knew the ball was over the line, snatched it and rushed back out pretending he had made a save. In fact red card and penalty shot for England . . .goooooaaallll!

To the Uruguayan player who blatantly used his hand to stop a goal that denied Ghana victory in the dying moments of their game and a place in the semi-finals, red card and a three-match suspension!

FIFA, making billions of dollars from football but will not use technology to erase the terrible decisions of referees, Red card and suspension till you fix it.

To the big guns: you came, you saw and you were conquered. Not good enough, Messi, the greatest footballer in the world, Ronaldo, the cutie the girls all love, Rooney the Manchester United goal scoring machine, and others. Where were the goals? Show them yellow cards please. Stetson Babb and all the old fogies who did not like the uniquely South African experience of the Vuvuzelas, yellow card. This is Africa, we make noise in love and war!

CBC, how many more decades before you do something different with the half time and end of game features. They are boring as hell and it’s time to change, do something imaginative. Red card to CBC and penalty shot to Starcom. Oops, error: Starcom doesn’t have a TV licence. Next time watch the ESPN coverage and learn something please! Maradona, sorry to see Argentina go but glad all this kissy kissy thing is over. Yellow card for the kissing!

North Korea for allowing seven goals against Portugal, red card! Sorry forgot that RED is all you have over there, hold a yellow instead!

Now to other matters. Acting commissioner of police in T&T James Philbert says the police could not intervene in the destruction of the “Manning” church in Guanapo by people who stole everything, including the steel that erected the building because the police did not know who were the rightful owners of the property, amazing! Red card, sir!

Patrick Manning, Jack Warner says you previously described Keith Rowley as “a canine warrior, an obstructionist and a wajang. Unparliamentary language sir, red card, in fact you are retired!

Fox Network for realising that America was perfect until a BLACK man walked into the WHITE house and created a global economic crisis since January 2009, red card! BP for your failure to fix the gushing oil problem in the Gulf, red card and penalty. . . goooooaaaallllll! President Obama, Fox thinks you should do what the experts can’t, fix the oil leak. I have to ask, why don’t you put on your swim trunks and dive down to the source and fix the damn leak? Warning, no yellow or red Pres!

To commercial banks, you continue to squeeze and milk 21 per cent out of hard pressed customers for credit card usage in these trying times. Have you no conscience? Red card and suspension until you do what banks in the developed world are doing, reducing the rate to 10 per cent or less.

Pine Hill Dairy, your new milk is supposed to be able to last a long time, two months I believe, without refrigeration. So why is it stored in the supermarket in the refrigerator? Yellow card; save some energy!

BWA you continue to charge customers for leaks on their property, even if they are unaware, yet millions of gallons of water leak from your mains and you ARE aware of it, Red card!

Finally to all the men who neglected their wives, girlfriends, families to watch the World Cup, a warning only, actions understood.

Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day yuh hear!