DEAR CHRISTINE: Boyfriend asks for forgiveness

Tue, April 17, 2012 - 12:00 AM

Dear Christine,

I am 28 years old and my fiancé is 32. Two years ago he left the island to study abroad.

It was about that time that we got engaged and decided to get married on his return the next year.

I have visited him on two occasions and had a really good time.

Last February he called and asked me if I still wanted to marry him. I told him yes. He said he was still very much in love with me, but that he had gotten a young woman pregnant following a night of partying.

He said it was not a relationship and that the young woman does not want to have anything to do with him. She just wants him to support the child.

He also told me it was the only time he had ever been unfaithful to me and asked me to forgive him. Christine, I am tearing up inside. What do I do? I cry most days. Your advice would certainly help.

– C. R. P.

Dear C. R. P.,

I know you may be feeling betrayed right now but I see a bright side to your story.

Your fiancé did not have to let you in on his unfaithfulness because you are here and he is there.

However, he has laid the results of his actions before you, most likely with the hope that you would forgive him.

The woman is clearly not interested in him but, of course, she has a child who will need support. The real victim here is the child, who must some day face the fact that he or she was the result of a one-night stand.

I think you should stop thinking about your hurt right now and stand by your fiancé. We all make mistakes, since none of us are perfect, but do not let this current trial keep you down in the dumps.

True love never fails. Though it will not be easy – certainly not at first – forgive him and keep loving him.

I believe things will get better for you two.

– CHRISTINE

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Posted by D. Stoute 1 year, 1 month ago: Hmmm...is he sure he's the one who got her pregnant?

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Posted by c holder 1 year, 1 month ago: Do what makes you happy. Just remember that you can forgive him and love him without choosing to marry him.
If he announced the pregnancy in February, it may be wise to wait until the child is born and see what happens because both he and the mother may change their minds (and their relationship) during the pregnancy and after delivery.
Use this time to develop your own life and be open to a new path. Good luck.

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Posted by Amaris Lovejoy 1 year, 1 month ago: Not so fast, Christine. This woman should do her due diligence. I've seen this happen too many times before. Men will say anything because they want their cake and eat it too. The "I was drunk and things got out of hand" story is so played out! Sure he didn't have to tell her about his pregnant girlfriend but she would have found out sooner or later because we live in a global village. His revelation may have been preemptive pacification.
Take my stupid advice, do your homework before you live to regret because before you know it, he will have a second child and the excuse will be because he went to visit the first and things got out of hand.
Good luck with that.
Been there done that!

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Posted by Peter Ramsay 1 year, 1 month ago: Stoute I was wondering the same thing. Not trying to tarnish the lady's image but if what the bf is saying is true and this was the result of a one night stand, I personally would be in two minds about if the child was his. For all he knows, she could have already been pregnant all along but sees this cheater as a meal ticket.

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Posted by Pan Wallie 1 year, 1 month ago: These things happen everyday when students leave to study abroad. Sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes worthlessness. He's obviously troubled right now when he should be focused on the studies. it won't be easy for you either, but when you dry your tears and feel better, maintain a good friendship, keep an open mind and let nature take it's course.