Dear Christine,
I am 40 years old and a mother of two teenage daughters.
I have been married for 16 years to a man who I think needs psychiatric help. From the time we were married he started telling a lot of lies, accusing me of men that I never knew existed.
When my children were growing up I did not have a job and he was the only one working. It wasn’t for much money but my family made sure the children never lacked.
Then my husband decided to build a house, which with his limited resources was very difficult and so my family pitched in even more.
I then got a little job with my mother who had a little shop. My husband wanted to know every week how much money I earned – even though he knew.
His family was never around except when they came begging for money and food.
Things went from bad to worse in that my husband became very physically and verbally abusive. Once I sought legal help.
He was never around to help with the children. If I had to go anywhere, I would have to lug with the children or my mother would help out.
When we moved into the new house it was not quite finished and was somewhat inconvenient in many ways, but I tried.
In order to save money he did a lot of work on the house himself and I helped a lot. I mixed concrete until my whole body ached. At that time I did not have the little job as the distance from the new house to the place of business was too far. We were nearer his family.
Christine, I’ve had some trying days in taking care of my children. There were times when I would walk my older daughter to school which was some distance away from our home, while carrying the other one on my hip. I did this through sun and rain but he never seemed to care.
When my first daughter became a young lady he started making ugly remarks saying how soon he expected seeing a lot of boys coming around the house. This man never had anything good to say about me or the children. I had a few friends. They looked out for me and my children.
Things did not work out the way he predicted because my daughter is working hard towards a career as a chef.
Now the children are growing up, all of a sudden my husband wants to be their father.
Four months ago, with the help of one of my brothers, I got a good job with a very nice and understanding couple doing domestic work. I now buy the food and he eats it.
Soon after I started to work, I came home one evening and my older daughter was in her room sulking and when I asked why, she told me her father had made advances towards her.
When he came home that night I let loose on him and told him never to lay his hand on any of the children.
He acted as if he did the right thing and blamed me for his not being able to keep an erection. This man is sick. My mind has turned totally from him. He is always finding fault.
Christine, I am prepared to protect my children at all costs. He actually had the gall to tell me that he wanted to have sex with our daughter.
I was going to report the matter to the Child Care Board but didn’t because my daughter felt ashamed. He had told her that if she told me, I would call the police and her name would end up in the newspaper.
I need your advice soon.
– WORRIED MOTHER
Dear Worried Mother,
I hope the time when you can cut all ties with your husband and the father of your children is not far off – most especially now when your daughter is in danger of being sexually abused by him.
Should he persist don’t let his words about the matter being publicized bother her or you.
She’s innocent and what he is saying is only blackmailing her into silence so she won’t expose him.
It’s past time you remain under his roof, even if you helped to build the house. You seem to have relatives who have helped you in the past. Can they now not help you get out of the house you share?
I see absolutely nothing in this relationship for you or your children. Staying there does not bring you any support and happiness and exposes your daughter to abuse.
Get out . . . fast.
– CHRISTINE
