Dear Christine,
I am in love with a married man who is ten years older than I am.
He says he loves me very much and that he does not love his wife anymore. Yet he is still not prepared to leave her because he feels a divorce would harm his professional career.
Since he and his wife cannot have children together, and he wanted a child badly, I tricked him into getting me pregnant thinking that would make him leave her.
I now have a child which I do not want and he still has not left his wife and does not seem to have any intention of doing so.
He gives me anything I want for the baby and myself and says he does not want to lose me or the child to whom he has grown very attached.
He says he and his wife do not have sexual relations and that the marriage is finished in that respect.
Do you think I should continue in this relationship? Is there any hope for me or should I just give up, seeing that he wants the security of marriage as well as his relationship with me?
Looking out for your response.
– H.L.A.
Dear H.L.A.,
If you are a regular reader of Dear Christine you’ll know that I am totally against extra-marital relationships. In this case, you have made the situation even more complicated when you decided to “trick him” into getting you pregnant.
With a child in the picture, I cannot 100 per cent tell you to leave the married man alone. After all, trick or no trick, he now has the responsibility of providing for this child – unless of course, you intend to raise this child on your own. Then again, you don’t really want this child after all, as you’ve stated. It’s sad when we adults only care about our selfish desires and needs and innocent children are caught in the crossfire.
You went into this relationship with your eyes wide open. This man told you up front that he had no intention of divorcing his wife. Why would you then, even now, want to stick around and play second fiddle? He does not intend to leave. Although you both now share a child together, it’s no guarantee that things will totally change in your favour.
By the way, have you or this man given any thought about how the wife will hurt when she realises the deceit she will have to deal with?
I guess not. Consider that!
My concern is not about you and this man. It is about the innocent child and innocent wife. You two will have to work things out in a way that neither of these two people will have to suffer much.
– CHRISTINE
