Dear Christine,
My husband and I are long married and we have three grown-up children.
The trouble is that he has been involved for years with another woman, a co-worker of his, and although he has no desire to break up with me, he also has no intention of giving up this extra-marital affair which is well known to all and sundry, including our children. He is a well-known person in society and due to my own status, I can sometimes be the laughing stock of his friends – and I am sure some of my own.
He uses no protection against sexually transmitted diseases and that worries me. Once I thought that he had given me something and I was terrified. I have decided that he can have sex with this woman and other women, but not with me.
I do wonder sometimes if this long-lasting marriage can go on, because it is a lot empty.
– R.P.
Dear R.P.,
I take my hat off to you for taking this stand. The fact that you know your husband is unfaithful and all and sundry also know, is reason enough for you to make the decision you’ve made. Add to that the fact that he uses no precaution in his sexual escapades during sex, although I’m not sure how you found that out. In any case, it would be foolish to risk infection.
I have read or have been told of too many cases where wives were innocently infected with the HIV/AIDS virus or some other form of sexually transmitted disease because of unfaithful partners. It’s also been vice versa in some cases.
You are so right to stop having sex with him. Don’t let anyone tell you different. The question though is whether you can go on denying yourself sex while allowing him to do as he pleases. I think this marriage will go on as long as you let it – but who knows?
Maybe this unusually indulged husband will come to you someday and, as a reward for your devotion to marriage, home and family, tell you that he wants a divorce. You are unsatisfied already, and he offers no change in his ways – so you have to think about divorce.
I don’t say you have to have a divorce, but the idea must exist and you have to think about it clearly and openly. Talk to an experienced counsellor, a clergyman you trust, or a marriage counsellor.
If you take the risk and tell your husband that the present arrangement cannot go on, he just might decide that you and marriage are worth saving, even to the extent of considering your needs and feelings.
That is just a possibility.
– CHRISTINE
