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DEAR CHRISTINE: She’s having an affair with her boss

DEAR CHRISTINE: She’s having an affair with her boss

Thu, January 17, 2013 - 12:00 AM

Dear Christine,

I was involved with a woman for more than 11 years. During that time we had a daughter and things where pretty good between us.

We had plans for the future. I helped her pay off two mortgages and had plans to build a home. At that time, she did not have a steady job, so most of the money came out of my pocket.

Then, a lucky break came. She got a job in the public sector, which at first seemed well and good because we had to support our own young child, as well as a child from her previous relationship. When she was out working at night, I would keep the children so she could hold on to her job.

Soon she started coming home hours after her shift ended – night or day. She also started finding excuses to go back out after coming home. Her personality changed as well. When I spoke to her about the changes in her life, the lies began, but I found out that she was having an affair with her supervisor who is married and still lives with his wife.

She broke off our friendship to be with this man. She would be seen with this man at nightclubs, strip clubs, picnics, karaoke and fetes.

Someone started to inform the man’s wife and she would curse and threaten me, even to the point of getting me locked up. She called me wicked and evil.

Although this man’s wife knows about the affair, she seems not to want or be able to do anything about it. My child’s mother even brags and says that neither me nor his wife can do anything about it. She even started to accuse me of harassing her and this woman’s husband now sleeps at her home.

This same supervisor would write the work roster in such a way to ensure they work together on most night shifts. Off days are also arranged in the same way.

I tried talking some sense into her head, but she is bent on carrying on this affair.

Should I stop trying and get away from it all?

Christine, she has even blocked my number so I cannot call her home for my daughter.

I love my child very much. I wanted to be there for her and to be part of her life. That has all been cut short because of this situation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

 – VT

Dear VT,

You have done your best for this ungrateful woman, who perhaps was just interested in getting her mortgages paid off. Somewhere along the course of your relationship, she may have cared for you . . . seemingly, as she had to rely on your kindness.

Now that the honeymoon is over and she is in a position to handle her own money, she wants nothing to do with you; after all, she has found another caretaker.

This may sound harsh, but it is reality. The day she blocked your number from her phone was the day the relationship between you two finally ended.

You may not be able to see your daughter as you like, but that will not stop you from being her father. If she is refusing to communicate with you, leave her alone. Some day that married man will return to his wife. Men in his position seldom stick around for too long. Maybe even the wife has gotten accustomed to his cheating and sees this woman as just another “victim”.

I cannot respond without asking you this question. What kept you during the past 11 years from marrying this woman? Were you so comfortable in the relationship that you did not see the need to do the honourable thing?

Either way, it’s too late now. You have discovered how this woman has used you for her gain. The sad thing is, you probably have no way of proving that you paid the mortgage/s for a house into which you now cannot even set foot.

Say goodbye to her! If you feel strongly about seeing your daughter, you may need to seek some legal advice.

This is a new year. Put the past behind you and don’t make the same mistakes again.


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Posted by Carl Harper 1 year, 9 months ago
Christine, what stupid question are you asking the man about "marriage?" He wrote you with a genuine problem about this ungrateful woman and mother of his child, and you are asking him something that is totally unrelated to his issue.

If he wanted the question of marriage addressed, he would have asked for your input.

Why do you think it necessary to turn the spotlight on him by asking if he got "comfortable" and not doing the "honorable thing?" Him not marrying her did not contribute to her ungrateful and cheating ways. The focus of attention needs to be on this woman and her behavior, and no one or nothing else.

Maybe he saw this conniving streak in her character very early in the relationship that prompted him not to marry her. Marriage is not the be all and end all in life. Everyone won't - and doesn't have to - get married to have a fulfilled relationship. Sometimes it's better that way. If they were married, he would be at this time expensing himself with divorce proceedings. He should count his lucky stars and be glad to rid himself of the two-timer.

I cannot even give her credit for leaving to find love with someone who would marry her, if marriage is what she wanted. Instead, she ended up in bed with another woman's husband - and proud of it, too. Hence, Christine, your shift of focus on VT was unwarranted.

She is just another of the many women who show up daily in your column who is involved in an illicit relationship. Only, this time, it is coming from a man's perspective to show that men too feel pain when cheating happens to them.

It is high time the Nation commission Peter Wickham/CADRES or some other social scientist to conduct a survey on the prevalence of this practice in Barbados because it appears to be quite commonplace and destroying families, and men tend to be unfairly associated with it for all the wrong reasons, while women are also neck deep in it.

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Posted by Real Bajan 1 year, 9 months ago
Look at the timing. She started horning the man AFTER he helped her pay off 2 mortgages. She was using him all along. Get some legal advice and try to get visitation rights to see your daughter. Otherwise move on.

  • 1
Posted by Hard Ball 1 year, 9 months ago
VT, count your blessing bro.
Forget this chic and move on.

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