DEATR CHRISTINE: She is ashamed of her actions

Wed, June 13, 2012 - 12:00 AM

Dear Christine,

I hope my mail finds you in good health as you continue to do a good job.

I am a 27-year-old resident of the United States, with a family history in Barbados. There is something I really want to get off my chest and I thought I would write to you as I follow your column on-line.

Sometime last year I made friends with a young woman, and we became more than friends. Neither of us are lesbians, but we were attracted to each other and things happened between us twice. Well, we were just intimate – no sex involved. Now, I have a boyfriend, and being the honest person that I am, I told him about the incidences.

Well, Christine, he was very angry at first, but eventually he forgave me and we moved on from there.

The thing is this, the young woman is finding it hard to let go and forgive herself. I have spoken to her, and my boyfriend has also spoken to her, but she feels very annoyed with herself for what has happened.

I must admit that it has left me with a scar on the inside, but I have vowed not to “go there” again.

She on the other hand is not finding it so easy. What can she do to get over this episode in her life? She says she knows she is not a lesbian and is ashamed of her actions.

– M.V.

Dear M.V,

The guilt your friend is feeling will go away, but it will take time.

I believe the remorse comes from having gone against her better judgment, and then having to search her heart to find out why this happened between you two.

Both of you have expressed regret and are attempting to move on from there. That is a good step, but there is no need to be so hard on yourselves. Sometimes life presents us with all different types of temptations. We may give in, but it does not mean that we have to beat ourselves to the ground.

Tell your friend to allow herself time to heal and to see this as rising from one level to another. Perhaps having experienced this and going through the process of forgetting it, she has a better understanding of her sexuality.

That’s the positive of the whole experience.

– CHRISTINE