Most 29-year-old women expect to sail through pregnancy, sans the morning sickness, in top form. And the same was true for Asha Alleyne. She had what she described as a “typical pregnancy” with regular prenatal checks, ultrasounds, and at delivery time, she gave birth to a healthy eight-pound boy, with good Apgar scores too.
It was a pregnancy and birth that any woman would boast about. Since this was her second round of motherhood, Asha was feeling like a pro.
Naturally when it came to delivery time, Asha was elated and eager to get home to play and bond with her son Ashton Alleyne-Renwick, who she thought had the cutest slanted eyes.
“It was Monday when we were waiting for the paediatrician to dismiss him. When she came and they did the check over the baby, she looked at him and said ‘He has Down’s syndrome’ and that was how I found out. The pregnancy was typical; everything went smoothly, and I had even had an in-depth ultrasound. It was basically a surprise diagnosis. When he was born the doctor didn’t see it and I didn’t see it either.”
Hearing those words not only surprised Asha but for a while threw her world into a tailspin.
“It was a shock, and I didn’t say anything for a while,” she revealed. “I probably looked at her like “You have to be crazy” and then after that I fell apart. She explained to me then that it was nothing that I would have done during the pregnancy to cause the Down’s syndrome. It is what science calls a scientific anomaly; it’s nothing that can really be traced to anything but maternal age . . . . even that is a question.”
It has been revealed that women of advanced maternal age pose a higher risk for having a child with Down’s syndrome.
“I suppose if I was older they would have given me an amniocentesis, but I wasn’t 30 yet,” Asha revealed. “When I got home I got a call from the ob/gyn, who got a call from the paediatrician and was just as surprised. He basically tried to explain it was nothing he would have picked up because of my age or anything.”
Accepting the reality of the diagnosis wasn’t easy for Asha, especially in the early days. It spurred Asha to hit the Internet and do lots of research on Down’s syndrome. She even found an online focus group of mothers with children with Down’s syndrome which proved to be a great source of comfort and information for her.
“The first couple of months were the hardest in terms of acceptance,” Asha said. “I know I love my son more than anything in the world – that was not a question. My family was incredibly supportive. I don’t know how I would have gotten through without my fiancé. Babies with Down’s syndrome are typical babies, but I supposed I was fearful of what the future might hold for him. Barbados is a small society, unlike the US, which makes provisions for children with special needs and is much more advanced and forward thinking, so I was worried about his future.”
That sense of worry lessened for Asha after she and Christian enrolled Ashton at the Sunshine Stimulation Centre.
“It is just a wonderful facility for children with special needs,” Asha said. “He loves it there and he is so happy.
“I actually want to start a support group for mothers with Down’s syndrome, because you need support” Asha said. “Every family may not be like mine, where they embrace the child or every mother might not be able to handle it. That online group on Baby Centre was like my lifeline. There was where I recognized that Down’s syndrome is not an age thing. The wealth of knowledge that these mothers all over the world have is amazing.”
As the information poured in to Asha, she grew more comfortable with the challenges of Down’s syndrome.
“I am more nervous and more cautious with Ashton,” said Asha. “Whereas with my daughter I might have let a cold go on a bit longer, with him I don’t take that chance. His father might say I’m a hypochondriac and every little cough I’m ready to take him to the doctor, but I know I can be a bit overprotective, but I don’t like to take any chances. The immune system of children with Down’s syndrome can be a bit weaker than other children and it might be harder for them to fight off things.”
Asha admitted that in the early days of Barbados, children with Down’s syndrome or other special needs were often hidden and looked upon with scorn and she didn’t want that for her son.
“I don’t have that approach to Ashton. He is mine and I think he is the cutest thing in the whole world,” she said. “Where I am he is.”
While most people have generally been good and supportive about her son, she did have one negative experience.
“Most of the times people would congratulate a mother, but then you might get someone saying ‘I’m sorry,’” Asha said. “But I’m not sorry. I just think people tend not to know what to say to a young mother.”
Along with not being sorry, Asha has seen this as an opportunity to help change the stigma that children with Down’s syndrome can sometimes suffer.
“Ashton is just so lovable,”Asha said. “On the whole I don’t find Barbadians to be disrespectful. But you might get an extra long glance, but then Ashton would give a smile and it would just warm your heart. This has enabled me now to look at things through a different lens.”
