The real key is to live in an environment where the mind feels free to choose the right thing instead of being compelled by habit and inertia to choose the wrong thing – Deepak Chopra
Name the issue today and there is medication for it.
The New York Times in its November 19, 2013 edition reports that by the end of 2014, US$1 trillion will be spent on medications worldwide.
Today there is medication for almost everything physical, social, mental, emotional, psychological and much more. I am amused as I sit and listen to advertisements about certain medications and observe that the serious side effects associated with them often seem to outweigh the benefits, but people still use them.
My very good friend said that she received medication from a health care provider to solve a particular physical problem and when she did her research on the drug, one of the side effects was the same problem for which she sought a solution.
I want to introduce you to a different medicine that will make your marriage amazingly marvellous. God, the designer of marriage, has manufactured some high-quality medication to keep the marriage in super health. It is free for the asking, easy to apply and has no negative side effects.
There are six easy-to-take “pills”, the contents of which will flow directly into the mind and over time, will transform your marriage into something beautiful. The prescription for this medicine is written in a letter to the Philippians, chapter 4, verse 8: “. . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
The mind is like a fascinating computer that has the capacity to absorb massive amounts of information, good and otherwise. Guarding the treasure of your mind very carefully is critical, because what you allow into its chambers will flow out in your behaviour and affect or infect your life and those who are close to you.
Doctors continue to complain that patients are given medication to maintain good health but refuse to take it, and in some cases their health deteriorates and death is the result. Similarly, I meet married couples who are given “marriage medication” to correct their challenging issues, but instead, they disregard its value. The health of some of those relationships continued to worsen and at times fatally collapsed, leaving their children with deep life-long emotional scars. Let us examine three of the aforementioned easy-to-take pills:
1. The first dose of medication for the mind is “whatever is true . . . think about such things”. If you can be truthful in your expressions and behaviour, then it would be amazing to know how healthy your home environment would be for all members of your household. Setting out to deceive your partner erodes trust and creates an unhealthy environment for suspicion, anxiety, fear and anger, all of which can block effective communication and destroy intimacy at all levels.
I remember a man telling me that he had made a decision to stop lying to his wife because of the pain it was creating for his family and marriage that was suffering mental and emotional paralysis. I also know of wives who confessed to deceiving their husbands and subsequently put structures in place not to have a repeat of the untruthful behaviour. Seeking daily to medicate your mind with the medicine of truth is a recipe for building a rich, robust, romantic and stress-free family relationship. Meditate habitually on what is true.
2. The second dose of medication for the mind is “whatever is noble . . . think about such things”. Being noble goes far beyond what people think about you; it is who you really are, whether people are looking or not. Nobility has to do with the moral and wholesome values and principles that govern your life and help you to look beyond you, and seek to elevate others, especially your spouse and family.
For the husband or wife, honesty is not just the best policy but the only policy. When decency in thinking daily becomes an integral part of your life, you are deciding to lift your family life to a place of healthiness, creating an atmosphere worthy of commendation.
A high level of safety and security is generated between married couples when both parties absorb the “pill” of nobility in the boardroom of their mind. Meditate habitually on what is noble.
3. The third dose of medication for the mind is “whatever is right . . . think about such things”. Being right speaks of fair-mindedness and being just in what is done. Each individual in a marriage has a different personality and there is a great chance that issues will be examined from different perspectives. Setting out, therefore, to treat each other fairly and respectfully should be a desirable goal that is reachable if each partner feeds his/her mind with a daily dose of fair thinking. This mental medication of rightness is designed to produce balance and beauty for the relationship.
Think of a husband who likes gadgets and very often wants to buy the latest as soon as it comes off the market, but does not give consideration to the budget to which he and his spouse agrees. In the end it put a serious strain on their finances. The husband’s actions were not fair to his family.
Now picture a wife who packs her life with activities and expects her husband to babysit almost every evening and is angry when he wants to go and spend one Friday evening with the boys. This wife’s behaviour was not fair to her husband.
Generously taking and absorbing the medication of whatever is true, noble and right can make your marriage and family relationships worthwhile. I shall look at the other three doses of medication – pure, lovely and admirable – next week.
• Reverend Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant.
