He’s not free, but I need him
By as told to Sanka Price | Sat, July 07, 2012 - 12:02 AM
WHEN YOU ARE INVOLVED with a man who lives with another woman, it is real pain.
You can’t see him or speak with him when you want. Most of all, you can’t be with him though your body is aching for him.
I know this so well because that is my life. It was the life I chose to live after I got into a relationship three years ago with the man I love.
It is so frustrating, but what can I do? I really love this man.
As I said, three years ago I met him and from day one we hit it off. The more we talked, the more I liked him.
I liked him so much that when he told me he had a girlfriend, I didn’t even bat an eyelid.
I was impressed that he was honest with me. Not many men have the guts to come clean and tell a woman that he has someone else. They would rather lie and run around behind both of the women’s backs.
But not this man. He laid his cards on the table and, at the time, I accepted the hand that was dealt for all that it was worth, and all that it wasn’t.
As I met him when his woman was away, we spent quite a bit of time together and started to get close. So close that he actually told me he was getting attached to me.
That made me feel good. I was lonely and he knew just how to arouse my passions.
I think he was attracted to me because I allowed him to be himself and gave him the kind of freedom he couldn’t enjoy in the relationship with his woman.
We could talk about the things he liked, do the things he enjoyed, and go where he wanted to go.
We spent time together doing everything and nothing, just being happy to be together. Even the simple things like going to the movies or sitting by the beach and talking meant the world to me.
All these are things he says he doesn’t do with her.
She’s much older than he is so theirs seem to be a relationship of convenience. Sometimes I find it hard to understand what he ever saw in her or why he stays with her.
For the greater part of their years together, he told me she has made him miserable. Even his family – in particular his brother, who knows about me – said that his relationship with her wasn’t doing him any good.
And it shows too. A lot of the time he is unhappy. But he takes whatever she dishes out and returns for more. It’s as if she has something on him that leaves him with no choice but to do what she wants. I’ve asked him several times about this, but he denies such a thing exists. Yet he continues to take her abuse.
As I said, she used to travel a lot and whenever she was out of the country, we were together. I don’t know if she heard anything or noticed a change in him, but she cut back on the amount of travelling she did. Now she is here all the time and watches him like a hawk. So much so, that I can’t see him as easily anymore.
This fact has me really depressed and lonely as I’ve gotten accustomed to him in my life. What is worse, is that I can’t even call and talk with him; because he lives with her I can’t call at the house.
When he does call, it makes all the difference in the world. Hearing his voice makes everything better. When he tells me he cares about me, I don’t feel like giving up on him or what we have together.
When he promises me he will make time to come and see me, I believe that he will.
When he tells me everything will be all right, I don’t feel so lonely anymore.
The last time he came to see me, I told him I wanted us to be together all the time. I explained to him that I may live in a rented house and work for a small amount of money, while she has a big house and money, but if he loved me, wouldn’t he leave her for me?
At first he wouldn’t answer me. Later he told me he would try to spend more time with me, but he couldn’t leave his woman just like that.
I was angry. After he left I wanted to call her and tell her everything so she would let him go. What stopped me was that if I did that, he would never forgive me. From day one he told me he would not stand for that type of behaviour.
I called him on his cell while he was on his way back. I couldn’t stop myself from crying when I told him how lonely I was, or how unfair it was that he couldn’t really spend more time with me.
At first I thought he wasn’t listening because he didn’t say anything. When he did respond, he sounded very hurt, as if he felt my pain.
He said that he really did love me and was sorry he couldn’t do any better, and if it was hurting me so much he would let me go if that was what I wanted – even though it would hurt him to do so.
I’ve thought about what he said so many times since then. And even though he lives with someone else and we can’t spend much time together, I know he loves me. Though I know all that I don’t have, I also know all that I’ve got. So as hard as it is for me, I’m prepared to wait for him.
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