I CONFESS: Asked for too much from men
Sat, June 09, 2012 - 12:00 AM
MY LAST BOYFRIEND told me that when someone does the same thing all the time and gets the same result, then they need to change what they’re doing. He dumped me after that.
I hated him for talking down to me the way he did. For weeks afterwards I was so angry with him that I used to tell myself if he crossed my path while I was driving, I would get him. I despised him that much.
He was the fourth man in my life, and the one I loved the most, so I showered him with everything he wanted that I could afford to give him – materially and personally – yet he walked away from me. He and all the others left saying they could no longer take my possessive, jealous ways.
What I found difficult to understand was how they could equate my love and tenderness for possessiveness. After all,
I cared so much about my boyfriends that when they were down, I was there for them in a heartbeat, no matter how I was feeling or what I was supposed to be doing.
Yet, one after the other, they disappointed me.
It’s not easy being let down by people you invest so much time and trust in. It’s really painful and disappointing when the people you care most about aren’t there for you when you need them.
I have always tried to make things work between me and those I love. I always tried to be the best I could be and to be as supportive, loving, caring and understanding as possible. Yet I’ve been continually left feeling unwanted, unloved and uncared for.
Asking too much
After each relationship failed, I felt used, and in the end I could only blame myself for having so much faith in people who were only involved with me for their own selfish reasons.
It gets me sick thinking how I allowed this to happen to me. But it occurred because I would always be thinking that maybe the particular guy would have been Mr Right; that he would be the one to treat me like a lady, to be honest, be there for me when I needed him, show me that they cared about me and give their all for me too.
I don’t think I am asking too much for wanting this. I also don’t think I am asking too much for any man to be straight about his feelings about me. As I don’t play mind games with people, they should do the decent thing and be straight about their feelings too. That’s only fair.
Unfortunately, it seems everybody has an agenda. They have their own plans, so you can never believe what they say; you have to judge them by their actions.
That was why my last relationship hurt so much.
I gave more of me than I ever did in any other relationship, because I really wanted that one to work out. That’s why when he left it was as if he took a piece of me with him. And that was why I had such strong feelings about hurting him.
Since cooling down, though, admittedly after much crying and talking with my girlfriend, I took a long hard look at my life and realized there was some validity to what these men said about me. I was indeed possessive and extremely jealous, and I expected each man to be, as they charged, up underneath me all the time.
That’s why I bought them so many gifts and gave them as much sex as possible. I wanted them to eat, sleep, think and breathe only me. It was selfishness and insecurity. I know that now.
I realize now that I failed to keep any of them because I went about looking for love the wrong way. But when I thought about it, I did what I did because that was all I knew. And, I realize that is how most women I know approach relationships too. No wonder there are so many failed love affairs.
This is why I thought I would share my feelings with you. Women who, like me, have had failed relationship after failed relationship need to examine what they’re doing as it may not be solely the man’s fault. You may be contributing to the situation by your attitude and approach to relationships. So women, check yourselves.
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