I CONFESS – Deceived by sweet-talker
Sat, September 04, 2010 - 12:00 AM
ONE OF THE biggest problems in this world is that most people are not genuine. You can’t believe what most people say and do as many of them seem to have their own agenda.
As such, you can never be sure if people do things for you because they expect something in return, or if they are kind to you because they care about you as an individual.
This is a particularly big problem for women because kindness from some men is their way of getting to your “sweetness”. This happens every day.
Some men give and are upfront about what they expect in return; but most men give with the expectation of getting something – though they don’t say so and would sometimes try to pretend that they are your friends and have no interest in being like that.
But lo and behold, sometime later they come with a story about their feelings and how insensitive you are not to take them on when they have been there all the while for you.
I make this point because the man for whom I eventually had my only child is like that. He did whatever he could to get me into his life and to be intimate with me.
After we had a brief affair and I tried again to get out of the relationship because he is married and my life with him was a lie, he kept the pressure on to keep me with him. So weak, stupid me remained with him and eventually got pregnant.
From the time that happened, his attitude changed. Instead of him coming over at least four nights a week, I would see him once or twice at most.
Instead of picking me up from work four of the five evenings a week, he just stopped, claiming that he didn’t want the talk to get back to his wife that he had somebody pregnant. And when I asked him if she didn’t already know he was in a relationship with me – as he had been coming for me at work for nearly two years – all he said was that she would “forgive a horn”, but not a child.
So all along he used me for his pleasure, but when I needed him to be there for me, he wasn’t.
Equally bad was the way he threw the whole blame on me for getting pregnant, as if I provided the sperm. He knew I was off the pill because I started getting some rashes after I had changed brands. So the doctor told me not to use those pills to eliminate the new things I had started before I came down with the rashes. It was during this period that I conceived.
From the time I told him I was pregnant all the sweet talk and liming disappeared. Since he could not convince me to get an abortion, he gave me the $1 200 it would have cost and told me that I would have to make do with that for doctor’s visits, tests, new clothes, any medication, and everything else.
He just washed his hands of me because I became pregnant.
Things got so bad that when I called his cellphone he would not answer. But I fixed that by calling at his house for the first time in all those years and asking for him. After that he made sure and took my calls. Though he spoke with me after that, it was clear he cared nothing about me; I was just a bother.
So at five-and-a-half months pregnant I took a decision to blank him. I went ahead and had my child. Though he knew the dates she was expected, he never once called and asked anything.
Last year Christmas came and went and he never once called to hear me or see his child. Not once!
I am talking about this now because last week Thursday my little girl was a year old and he has not even seen her; neither has he sent anything for her or even called me to say anything.
What hurts me is that I loved this man so much that I went against my spiritual beliefs and my mother’s warnings and got involved with him. I trusted him and believed in him.
He was my world, but it is clear now that I was just somebody to play with.
My mother is mad to take the child and go by his house and make him face up to his responsibility. Or to put him in court for maintenance.
But I will do neither. I would never lower myself to go begging anybody for anything as long as I have health and strength and a job to take care of myself.
I want him to know that God don’t like ugly and people who unfair others always pay for their sins in the end. Always!
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woman i feel no remorse for you.you say god dont like ugly yet u slept with someones husband..so wasny that ugly?a horn is short term but a child is a lifetime investment and now the poor child is the one to suffer.just anpther victim who fell prey to a married man.wake up my friend ,and to think your mother knew hmnnn hmnn…
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Comment LinkSome women put themselves in these situations, some men may be genuine but not all and some of them see the weakness in some women who will always be ready to accept what a man will offer or do for them, but there’s always a price to pay for accepting things from men, at some time they will expect the women to pitch up and by that time some women would have fallen for what they were enjoying and give in to the men as they don’t wish the luxuries they have been enjoying to stop. But while some women might think they are using men the men will be using them as well. Blaming a man when knowing he’s married or involved with someone else is your fault you should have respected yourself, that’s why most women will feel they’ve been used by men when they are dumped.
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Comment LinkSweetheart while I would like to emphathise with you…I am sorry I can’t…You knew He was married and you got involved…did you hope that he would leave his wife for you? ...You brought this on yourself…I am happy that you have decided to move on with your life but I would ensure that Mr. takes care of his child because an innocent child who didnt call either of you are involved…even if it means going to his wife…He should have known this could happen when he was having his fun
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Comment LinkYou ended your article with these words “God don’t like ugly and people who unfair others always pay for their sins in the end.” Less you forget the man did not do any of the sort, he was a married man when you met him and he is still a married today. There is no sympathy for you, the innocent victim here is the child. You knew the doctor told you not to use those pills, they are other pills that do the same job or a CONDOM. You are the selfish person who conceive a child with some one’s husband and put this innocent child life in this situation. God will look after her while you pay for your deed. That is what happen when women are not satisfied with carrying away another woman dollar bills but they want everybody know. The man was right the wife may forgive a horn but not a child, even though it"s not the child’s fault. You got what you deserved, as for him he has to deal with his wife, and hopefully she will hold no remorse toward the child, Serve you right!!!!!
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Comment LinkWhen I was younger, I was really black and white when it came to affairs etc. But now I am older and I hope wiser, I can now see both sides of the story. Whilst it was wrong for this young lady to get involved with a married man. I now know the meaning of loneliness, it is can be really hard to say no to somebody, who is saying and doing all the right things. And these ‘men’ don’t take no for an answer, it takes a truly strong woman to send them home to their wives! I hope that this lady can move on with her life and raise her daughter.
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Comment LinkI like other bloggers have no sympathy for this female .She made her bed so she must lie in it .The only thing is that in the midst of all this deception is an innocent child and a wife that is being cheated on . She claims to know that people have agendas for doing things for you yet still he was receiving .She knew that the man was married therefore she had no right accepting his gifts or sleeping with him. Had he accepted the child we would not have heard of it . She has no one to blame but herself. The spiritual values she claim to have seem to be very weak or only surfaced now . Tell the mum keep out of it.This is the daughter’s battle deal with it . She knew she was off the pill but still had sex without protection .Hummmm.
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Comment LinkYou said everyone has to pay for their sins so just like him that includes you. He did not commit adultery or fornication by himself so eventually both of you will have to pay for your sins. And believe me,the child is just the beginning.
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Comment Linkgirl I’m not judging you. Let the one above do that. You are not the only woman who had a child from a married man and you not the last either. It is good you got the energy and the strength to take care of your child. Love her and cherish and take good care of her. One day he would want to look at her and say that is my big daugher be sure to tell her what her Dad did.
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Comment LinkYou said he “did what he could to get you into his life”. Do you not know the word NO. Where are your moral values, this seems to me to be the problem with not only you but a lot of women. I just dont understand why they allow themselves to be treated like this to men that dont even belong to them. The MAN WAS MARRIED, HE STOOD BEFORE GOD AND TOOK VOWS. It is unfortunate for your child that she does not know her father but what do you expect. He should take responsibility because both of you made that child but at the same time if he does not want to acknowledge her then you must provide for her as her mother and teach her the moral values that you obviously did not have and that is NOT TO GET INVOLVED WITH MARRIED MEN
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Comment LinkPage 1 of 1 pages