Nation e-Edition

I CONFESS: Don’t let women put kids on men

I CONFESS: Don’t let women put kids on men

Sat, October 27, 2012 - 12:00 AM

It seems to me that women have once again won the battle against men in Barbados.

I speak of this new measure approved by Parliament to ensure that women get $50 a week for each child if a man has not paid child support for three months.

Let me say upfront that I have no difficulty with helping women in genuine need. A man who fathers a child should live up to his responsibility and provide for his offspring until the age of 18.

But what I do have a difficulty with is that every measure taken to help women in this situation has not taken into account how men are lied on. There are a lot of men in Barbados who are paying child support but are not the fathers of the children they are paying the court for. And a lot of us in Barbados know this.

I would go further to say that this unfairness is why there is so much violence against women here too. I don’t condone it at all, but I know many men feel that their rights will never be upheld in court as long as women are involved so they take matters into their own hands.

My point, therefore, is that if you are going to go all out to help women, put something in place to ensure that innocent men don’t continue to get burned.

There should be a measure in place to allow a man to get a paternity test done – what most people call a DNA test – when he feels he is not the father of the child and wants to prove it. He should be able to pay half the money – $500 – and be allowed to get the test.

If the child is his, then he should pay the other half or get time in prison for wasting the court’s time. But if the child is not his, the woman should be made to repay the man his deposit and then pay the full cost of the test. And if she can’t pay that, let her hold piece of prison too – that would be equality.

This way, a lot of women would think long and hard before they push a child on a man and burden him with payments for the rest of his life. It would spare children the rejection and hatred directed towards them by a man they think is their father. It would also stop a lot of the tension we see in families.

I feel passionately about this because when I was a young, single man I played the field a lot. And there was this schoolgirl who really liked me, but I just enjoyed her sexually. She had a boyfriend but he was a youngster like her, while I was a full man. Then she got pregnant and called to tell me I had done that to her. She wanted money to have an abortion and asked me for $700.

I told her no way. For one, I always used a condom with her and none ever burst. Secondly, she said she was two months pregnant, but I had not had sex with her for nearly three months as, truth be told, I was checking someone else during that period and didn’t have any time for her.

So I told her I would not give her a cent unless she confessed the truth. The girl came to my house and admitted she had sex with her boyfriend; it was his first time and he ejaculated in her. She then told me she needed my help as she had no other way to get the money and that was why she said she was pregnant for me.

Being the man I was, I helped her out with the money. I did it because she was really a sweet girl and I thought she would do well if she stayed on track with her schoolwork. And she has.

But what I took exception to were her lies. As a 17-year-old she saw lying as the only way out instead of telling the truth upfront. And that is what a lot of women do to men here. They have a man whom they really like, and he can score goals at will without having any responsibility but to show up when he’s ready for action.

Then they have another man who pays money for the privilege of just being in her company. She doesn’t like him that much, but he gives her the financial security the other man can’t.

The trouble starts when she gets pregnant. She knows the father is the pretty boy she enjoys, but since he is not responsible she sticks it on the other guy. And this has been going on in Barbados for years.

What has me is that men who know this happens all the time can sit down in Parliament and continue to unfair other men by perpetuating this belief that men who don’t pay child support are just deadbeats and no good.

Though some may be, a lot of men don’t pay child support because they are sure the child is not theirs. And sometimes they know it isn’t theirs because the woman, usually in anger, tells them that they put a child on them and they must pay the court or they’ll hold some jail time. That happened to a fellow I know.

So my argument is that Government should put a measure in place to protect innocent men who have children put on them by wicked women. To me, that is only fair if we want true gender equality in Barbados.

• Editor’s Note: The Forensic Sciences Centre does paternity tests for $1 000. This fee covers the mother, child and alleged father. Results take two to three weeks.

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Posted by Modesty Blaise 1 year, 10 months ago
Sir, in relation to the paternity test, if the MAN feels that he is NOT the father of the child and wants to PROVE it, he SHOULD pay for the test. The woman doesnt want to prove anything, and therefore has not made the request. I agree that if the child is NOT his, the woman should pay HALF of the cost.

However, I do agree that there are lots of men supporting children that don't belong to them and once proven, these women should be ordered by the courts to reimburse the men.

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Posted by Kevin St. Hill 1 year, 10 months ago
Modesty, you for real? You really feel a man should pay $500 to prove that a woman is lying? $500 isn't chicken feed. If the child isn't his, she should be made to reimburse him. There a lot of wufless people out there. I know of cases where women had TWO men in court for the SAME child and they aren't held responsible for it. I have a good friend who supported a child until adulthood and was told by the mother when the woman was 30-something years old that he wasn't the real father. That is like these women who go on Jerry Springer with 5 and 6 men swearing each of them is the father and none is. My belief is, do the test. If it is his he should pay all. If it isn't she should pay all. I am not a fan of making someone pay for a test

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Posted by daneale o'neale 1 year, 10 months ago
Man i got some news for you. You should have had some good time in jail for going with a child cause that what she was,when you was using her,she should have got more than 700 from u if she was thinking,it is men like you who turn the women so, you want the pleasure but no responsibility if I was her parent you would have spend time in jail.there are a lot of men like you in Bim want thr fun but as soon as the women get knock up you say not you.My gran God rest her soul use to say if u did not went with her she could not call your name.Men need to treat women like they own daughters and not use them for pleasure.as i say you want jailing.

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Posted by Modesty Blaise 1 year, 10 months ago
@ Kevin St. Hill. Please remind me...
Who is requesting the paternity test?

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Posted by Kevin St. Hill 1 year, 10 months ago
@Modesty, who wants the maintenance? Personally I don't believe most men would request a test unless there was doubt in their mind. Why should a man fork out $1000 to prove a child isn't his and doesn't get reimbursed when it is found not to be? Why should he have to prove it isn't. She should have to prove it is. She's the one who wants the maintenance. That is like these young girls that go and cry rape, the man gets grabbled up by the police and gets put in the front page of the paper only to find out it was about money or someone being spiteful. And for the rest of his life he will be known as a rapist through no fault of his own. This system is very unfair towards men. A man who is desirous of maintenance goes through a lot more than a woman requesting maintenance. It should be fair on both sides. I really can't believe you are saying a man should pay money to prove a child isn't his and not be reimbursed when it is found not to be because I tell you there are some women who will do that for spite the same way they put children on men that aren't theirs. If LIME sent you a bill for calls you didn't make and you had to pay to prove they weren't made by you, I am sure you wouldn't be happy about paying. My thing is, if it is shown that the child isn't his he should be reimbursed.

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Posted by D. Stoute 1 year, 10 months ago
One thousand dollars for a paternity test is a lot of money. Isn't that going to put it out of reach for a lot of Bajans? I think the test should be more affordable so that men are not unfairly saddled with children they did not help create. Yes, there are some nasty, heartless females out there who take advantage of men. Shame on them. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Make the paternity test affordable. If the woman is found to be lying she should be fined.

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Posted by Modesty Blaise 1 year, 10 months ago
@Kevin.

In reference to your statement about LIME sending a bill for calls that I haven't made, it is for ME TO PROVE THAT I HAVEN'T MADE THEM.

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Posted by mac _ ham 1 year, 10 months ago
Any woman who would place a man before the court for child support would have a reason why she did it. Don't think a woman would do such if the man did not have sex with her.

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Posted by Real Bajan 1 year, 10 months ago
$1000 is alot of money but it is better to pay $1000 for a DNA test than to support a child that is not yours for 18 years.

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Posted by Carl Harper 1 year, 10 months ago
@ Kevin St Hill
Good job in defense of the issue of the paternity test, pal. There is nothing more I need to add, but will make a few comments about child maintenance.

I agree there needs to be equity in how the courts handle matters of maintenance in relation to the sexes.

Why must a man have to pay a lawyer in excess of $1,000 to seek maintenance from the High Court for children in his custody, while a woman can walk freely into the Magistrate's Court to obtain same?

Often she doesn't even know the real name or address of the man she says is the father of her child. And, sometimes the persons she accuses of being the father of the child, turn out to be incorrect. This accusation can be repeated several times before the biological father is discovered.

Most men don't bother to go to court for maintenance because the cost is prohibitive, and that in itself, is a deterrent. They just get on with the task of raising their children without complaint, and with no contribution from the mothers.

I know of no case where a mother makes any financial contribution to maintaining her children in the father's care without a court order, and even in those rare cases, there is resistance.

Even in cases where the court orders a woman to allow the father access or see to his child, and she blatantly refuses, does she spend time in prison for violating the court order? A man, on the other hand, is hauled off to Dodds for failure to pay child support, whatever the mitigating factors.

Just last week DLP politicians piloted and passed legislation in Parliament making it possible for mothers to benefit from $50 per child per week from the government, if the father is in arrears or delinquent. Was any such measure put it place for fathers? Nope.

Elections are around the corner, and this legislation is shamelessly more about capturing the female vote. I hope every man in Barbados takes note of this discrimination against them on election day.

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Posted by Hard Ball 1 year, 10 months ago
@ Mac_Ham "Any woman who would place a man before the court for child support would have a reason why she did it. Don’t think a woman would do such if the man did not have sex with her. "

I am thinking that you are about fifteen or sixteen, with a comment like that I can see that you don’t have much experience with females.
Because you are having sex with a woman, does not mean that another man or two are not having sex with her. You might be more financial stable than the others and that is one reason she will call your name and haul you before the courts.
You could have broken it off with her, she did not take the break up easily and if you had sex with her a month or so before, guess what, she will call your name.
I can go on and on, women are very vindictive, some men are too, but women have the law on their side and they know it and they exploit it to the fullest.
Jack’s “JACKET” would not look good on Tom.

  • 1
Posted by Kenneth King 1 year, 10 months ago
Unfortunately these practices are commonly used by women and the law has given them full support of it. What is disturbing about this law not being fully clear on finding the real truth or having an accuser stand responsible for their actions if found to be faults information. I am for the protection of women who are misused by men who filled to pay child support. I always felt the court system were there for fairness and not one sided; with this law it has shown a bias hand in the matter and should be fare in it's judgement based on facts.
The writer of this article I have no sympathy for him because he was sleeping with a minor and should be lucky he is not sitting in prison today. To mention that he was a full man when he had sexual intercourse with the young girl, shows how sick some men can be and boldly writes about his activities too....please!!

  • 1
Posted by Kevin St. Hill 1 year, 10 months ago
Just on the news! Men to soon receive maintenance via the magistrate's court. Next, paternity costs.

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Posted by Rochelle Taitt 1 year, 10 months ago
i agree that there should be a way to ensure that all parties are treated fairly, however i am distressed at how most of the posted comments paint all women as being tarts!

  • 0
Posted by Kenneth King 1 year, 10 months ago
@Rochelle Taitt, that's not true, there are arguments about the fairness and those men who are accused wrongfully for support of a child not his. Many men are targeted although some deserve who tries to be the Village Ram. We all want to be treated fairly and if a man is accused wrongfully then the law should be there to protect him as well but if he is guilty then 50$ is not enough in this day and age and will also prevent him from spreading his plants all over the island.

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