Nation e-Edition

I CONFESS: Sex is all men care about

I CONFESS: Sex is all men care about

By Sanka Price | Sat, February 04, 2012 - 12:00 AM

I am a good woman, but I can’t find a decent man that I can marry.

It seems every man I meet has issues. He either has children with one or more woman or is involved with one or more women. Or, he goes to church and praises God, but is really a homosexual fighting his feelings to be with another man.

The last one I met and started going out with before I realized his vice took the cake, though. His liking for pornography warped his whole attitude towards women.

This guy was always mannerly and attentive. He always complimented my looks, like my hairstyle, how my face was made up, how my eyeliner compliments my eyes or the lipstick my outfit and accessories.

He noticed how my body looked in my clothes, how my shoes and my attire suited my personality and so on.

These things attracted me to him because I had never met a man who said such things in an inoffensive tone or non-suggestive manner. He always seemed sincere.

What struck me, too, was that when my outfit was not as well coordinated as it should have been, he would tell me in such a way that I did not feel humiliated. His words were so gentle that you wanted to be in his company. He was, well, irresistible.

He was different and his attentiveness showed a sensitivity to my feelings I had never experienced from a man.

As I had gone out with a guy who I later found out liked men more than I did, I initially felt this guy was probably gay too. So I asked him upfront, and he said no.

Of course, I did not believe him, but decided to monitor his behaviour.

Well, for the four months or so that we were seeing each other before I committed myself to a relationship with him, I never caught him lying, and neither was he gay or lewd.

He used to go work, return home and watch movies – that was clearly his favourite pastime.

It was only after we became involved that I realized that apart from his wide selection of movies, he had a large number of porno films.

I found this out purely by accident. I went to his wardrobe to hang up two pants I had ironed for him. One fell and when I stooped to pick it up I saw this box marked “The Best Of The Best” with drawings of smiling faces on it.

Curious, I opened it. The box contained DVDs and videos in cases with naked women on the covers. So I confronted him about it.

Instead of answering, he accused me of snooping around, saying also that he thought I was different and I had shattered his belief in me.

I felt bad because I had disappointed a man who had only shown me affection. I cried, then apologized to him and explained how I came to see them.

He said they belonged to his brother who he had told me once lived there with him before moving to live at his girlfriend. Feeling hurt and overcome with emotion, I fell into his arms and for the first time we made love.

I had promised myself that I would not have done that yet as I wanted to make sure he was “the one”. But feeling as I did, I could not help myself.

After that, we were intimate each day I visited him. And the more intercourse we had, the more I sensed that he was not truthful about those porn movies.

The first clue was how much talking he did during sex and his desire for me to answer him and keep noise as an expression of my enjoyment and approval of his actions.

Then there was his preoccupation with oral sex. He demanded it and was disappointed, to put it mildly, when I refused. In fact, he got so angry one night at another refusal that he told me if I was not willing to do that, he could not be sure I was his soulmate.

That statement stopped me cold in my tracks. I asked him whether he wanted a decent and trustworthy partner or someone who was just about sex.

He refused to answer at first, but when I got up to dress and leave, he apologized.

I still left his house because his pause told me that he wanted me for sex – full stop.

The following day I called and told him I needed to re-examine our relationship as it had gotten out of hand, with sex occurring before we got to properly know each other – and I never wanted that. He abruptly interrupted me and said I was not the one for him, that I was boring in bed and should go and find an old man or a Christian. Then he hung up.

I was devastated.

I called him back but he would not answer the phone. That made me cry my eyes out.

Later that night I called him and when he answered I could hear people making noises in the background as if they were having sex. He was obviously watching a blue movie.

I asked him if his brother was there, or if it was he watching one of those movies. He told me the movies were his and he was enjoying himself unlike when he was with me.  

That last put-down did it for me. I was through with him.

Of course, I survived him. But what I learnt was that I should never compromise my stand on “no sex” in a relationship until I am ready, because men often see that as the glue between a couple when it isn’t. For women, sex is not everything – but for men, it is.

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Posted by onthe level 2 years, 8 months ago
Ya all women want is the "perfect man"
He has to be a gentleman
He has to provide
He has to be attentive, good job, good car, not jealous.......etc..the list goes on and on. But what were you as a woman willing to do for that man? Not a damn thing. Women need to realize its a 2 way street. He's right go find yourself a nice church going man who wants just vanilla sex. Enjoy.

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Posted by Pan Wallie 2 years, 8 months ago
I don't know that those tapes provided proof of anything. Some straight men just adore that stuff, some use it as a learning tool to help spice up their life. It seems like you were prepared to stake him out to dry forever, because everyday you seem to have had another doubt. Obviously he was anxious to get ahead with the oral sex and you were not ready. After the first refusal, good communication between you too should have been able to resolve the concerns. Your baggage really did seem to overshadow what might have been a good thing. There are still some good men out there, although the search is harder.Best wishes.

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Posted by Billy Boscoe 2 years, 8 months ago
Much ado about nothing lady. You had a good man and you blew it... pun intended. Rather than enjoying your relationship, you seemed to be preoccupying yourself looking for non existent problems. The man you are seeking does not exist! Good luck.

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Posted by Ian Carter 2 years, 8 months ago
Dear Miss Perfect,

I read your letting complaining about every man you meet and what you don't like about them. However, you never said what you like about yourself. It is now 2012 and everyone must bring something to table. I am wondering what you have to offer a man so that he can consider you as a soul-mate and wife. Perhaps, the men want sex from you because that is all you can offer.

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Posted by Adrian Cumberbatach 2 years, 8 months ago
I think you're right for taking a stand because even though it's hard to be alone, it is much harder to be stuck in a miserable relationship you wish you'd never started. Pornography is a serious problem for lots of men out there because it causes them to see a woman as an object for sexual gratification instead of a life partner to be loved and cherished.

Truth is, there are no perfect men out there out there in the world,but there was one perfect man, Jesus. He said that since God the Father cares for the little sparrows and even the lilies, then He cares much more for us who are His greatest creation. Love God first, and trust Him with the major decisions of your life, including those concerning relationships.

As a Christian however, I hope you come to discover that there are men out there who deeply and truly love God and have nothing to do with homosexuality. You cannot be truly converted and continue in a life of homosexuality.

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Posted by daneale o'neale 2 years, 8 months ago
Your story sound so surreal I wonder where you live your life seem to me you are from venus surely not this world ,get with it most women just bring they body and nothing else.good luck on finding that man

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Posted by candace blaker 2 years, 2 months ago
I almost cried when I read your post. I got sick to my stomach when I read some of the responses to your post. Oh my God where is this world going to? I'm absolutely scared to death of how men have become. I know they've always liked sex, duh, but my God they have gotten SO disrespectful! I can hardly believe it. Men think of courtship as some daunting task?!?! This poster said, "Ya all women want is the “perfect man”
He has to be a gentleman
He has to provide
He has to be attentive, good job, good car, not jealous…....etc..the list goes on and on. But what were you as a woman willing to do for that man?
I am outraged by his comment. MEN need to realize it's a two-way street! Does this man NOT know what WOMEN have to do to get a man these days? Lets start at the top shall we?
Hair, skin, (that's a whole ball of wax in itself), make-up (base, powder, blush, lipstick, eye shadow, (three different colors), eyeliner, mascara, combing lashes, highlighter, lip gloss, perfume, jewelry, breast implants, (if your not blessed from nature), suntan, (if you're ancestry is from the north, go get sprayed), waxing ALL the hair off your body, lotion on entire body, rigorous workouts, clothing, (another whole ball of wax but I will list to prove my point), cleavage blouse, push up bra, short skirt, thong panties, stockings, high heels, etc, etc, and multiply this to make a wardrobe. I think all YOU MEN want is the perfect woman! hello? Are you so dumb you can't see in your OWN post what you're saying?!?! THE QUESTION IS: WHAT DOES A MAN DO TO DESERVE THIS PERFECT WOMAN IF HE'S NOT WILLING TO JUMP THROUGH ANY HURDLES!!!!

  • 0
Posted by candace blaker 2 years, 2 months ago
(continued) Sorry to be so blunt, but....
Men have reduced women to a set of holes .... and that's ALL they care about. Sure you will find some that are smart enough to know if they want sex, they'll have to listen to you, and pretend to care what you're interested in blah blah. He still is only doing it to get sex, but at least he's smart enough to know it's a fair trade!
Ladies? The main problem is porn has ruined our men. The instant gratification and vast array of perfect looking women, and novelty sex, has caused us real respectable "mommy material women" to become unnecessary! It's too much trouble for men to go get the real thing when they can sit at their computer and have what they want without any of their own effort put out. I've seen tons of documentaries of men ADMITTING TO THIS!!
Read about it ladies. Protect your honor, and respect yourself if MEN won't.
I'm sorry to say it starts with women providing this outlet to begin with. The sad and slutty will not stop giving men what they want. An unloved, abused little girl turns 18 every second, and is recruited into porn, so it's here to stay. These women have spoken up in interviews about this industry. Almost ALL of them are ACTING like they love what these men are doing to them in these videos. They take massive amounts of drugs and alcohol to go onto the set and "perform" what men are demanding to see. Then if they can manage to choke down what they were asked to do, they go off stage and cry like a little girl. Which I'm sad to know, men would still be turned on by that. Most of these girls never return for a second video. But like I said, there are plenty of newbies to take their place. Daddy's love your daughters! It starts with your attention!!!

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Posted by candace blaker 2 years, 2 months ago
(continued again!)
I've researched that there are about 30% of the male population that still honor and respect women first. What these stupid men don't understand, is that they will get ALL the sex they want if they would be man enough to wait for it, and DESERVE IT. Don't they realize we know a PIG when we see one? This is why their efforts fall short with a real woman. They are ruined and better off on the computer slobbering all over their keyboards instead of being out in the world devastating good women like you and me.

  • 0
Posted by candace blaker 2 years, 2 months ago
To Ian Carter:
aka Mr. Know-it-all,
I'm sorry to tell you this but-um... last I checked, we are still women, and men are still men no matter what friggen year we are in. THAT'S not changed one bit.
It only gotten more complicated thanks to the love of money. What has changed is that we women, are required to work just as hard as men so we can survive. So maybe this is threatening to you? Really was NEVER our role on this planet for thousands of years! But we are happy to do it if we are needed. But we shouldn't be treated like SEX objects for so little in return. We work 40+ hours a week, clean the entire home and yards, run the errands, carry, give birth, and raise our children, etc etc. What the hell do MEN do other than work and pay bills?!?! Without your extra efforts to help us feel respected you don't deserve to have a woman. Thanks for proving my point. Somewhere, is a mother that is ashamed of you. Take care of yourself...(as if I had to tell you that.)

  • 1
Posted by Ian Carter 2 years, 2 months ago
I must have struck a nerve with what I said, but as long as it is true I am fine. Just as you women don't want to be treated as sex object even when you dress in such revealing ways, we men don't want to be taken advantage of. It is no longer acceptable for someone to walk into a relationship with nothing to offer. I would bet that you are one of those women who can tell everything about days of our lives and nothing else that is happening in the world.

  • 0

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