I feel less than a human
Thu, June 21, 2012 - 12:00 AM
I LIKE READING your column because many people write to you with different problems.
I am a 32-year-old woman who is finding it difficult to cope in life. I was born into a broken home; my mother left me and my sister with our father, who dropped us off at our grandmother. She tried, but could not do much.
As it came time to take the Common Entrance Examination, my aunt influenced my grandma not to let us take it. She said there was no way to pay our way if we passed for high school.
Thus, our education ended at age 12.
I never thought about how this would affect me later in life.
We did what most teenagers do when left by their parents with no one to care or talk to. I started womanhood early. I had boyfriends who just wanted sex, but I was happy because they told me they loved me. I wanted to hear that.
When I got pregnant my boyfriend at the time did not claim the child. I was a mother and father at aged 17. I could not get a job because I was a dropout. All I could do was clean and wash other people’s clothes. However, I was determined not be like my mother. I took my child with me everywhere I went and never again made the mistake of getting pregnant.
I am now married at age 32, and have returned to school – my first time since I was 12.
Being in class with so many younger children makes me feel bad. My writing skills are bad and I cannot spell some of the words. Sometimes I sit in the back and tears would flow because I cannot do the work. At times when my child has homework and I cannot help him, I get frustrated and angry. I lash him for not doing better in class, even though I am worse than he is and he is the one who helps me.
I feel ashamed that I cannot do secondary school work. I cannot even get a job interview because I cannot express myself or write on a form for somebody to understand. I feel less than a human.
I want to tell parents to take care of their children and make sure they have an education.
Children, take in your education; the boyfriends and girlfriends can wait. Without education you’ll end up like me – without any qualifications.
My life has been so hard from the day my mother left me. No one tried with us to see if we would turn out to be somebody. I am here trying to fit into society. I cannot blame myself because I was given the world at a young age.
Sometimes I long for a mother’s love. She must have hated us to give us away like kittens.
When my sister and I were moving from man to man, we would pray that one day our mother would turn her hatred into love for us and return for us.
I know my letter is long, but I just wanted to get this pain off my heart. I know that writing to you will ease my mind – even if my letter is not printed. I will feel better knowing someone will read it and not judge me.
Thank you, Christine.
Dear J.B. ,
I have printed your letter because I know it will help many persons and you’ve given some good advice.
While you are not looking for answers from me and just wanted to get things off your chest, I want to encourage you not to give up on life.
Yes, you’ve been through a lot, but God has promised not to put more on us than we can bear. Your latter life can be greater than your former life if you give Him a chance. Telling people about the power of God to change their situations is not readily accepted; no one wants to hear about that, but because of my own convictions I know He is the greatest source of help. I pray things will get better for you.
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