Only like partner for his lovemaking

Thu, July 26, 2012 - 12:02 AM

Dear Christine,

I hope you can help me and that you do not judge me after I’ve written what I am about to write.

I am 22 years old and have had only two boyfriends. I loved my first boyfriend and I know he loved me too. We always had a good time together.

When he visited my home he would talk to my family and everybody liked him. My problem however was his lovemaking.

I did not like it. I am very shy and did not want to embarrass him; so I did not tell him how I felt about it.

Due to circumstances beyond his control he said he could not provide a home for us right away but that he loved me and wanted to marry me. I got a bit impatient and fed up and so I left him.

Sometime afterwards, I met my second boyfriend. From the time I met him I was not happy once. He forces me into doing things I do not want to do. When he visits my family’s home he hardly speaks to them and just wants to lie around.

I like his lovemaking and that is about the only thing I like about him. However, if for once I do not want to make love he gets vexed and annoyed.

I know that he runs around with other women, and often he insults me. Despite all of this, he has asked me to marry him. It is true that I want to get married, but I do not think I’ll be happy with him.

I am now keenly aware of the fact that I love my first boyfriend. He told me I had made a mistake when I left him and he wants me back. I know if he had asked me to marry him, I would have said yes. What should I do?

– Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Getting married is a step that cannot be taken lightly. You have left me to wonder whether you are really in love with any of these guys. My advice would be to wait a while before you make any decision. Don’t get married just for the sake of getting married.

If you’re purchasing material to get a proper dress made for a wedding you’re not likely to choose the everyday kind of polyester material that can be worn around the house. In the same vein, boyfriend No. 2 does not seem like wedding material to me. You’ve already said that he runs around and that you only love him for his lovemaking. That is not a good enough reason to marry.

As for boyfriend No. 1, remember that you never liked his lovemaking and he is not prepared to get married any time soon.

Which of these do you really want? Do you want a lover who is not ready for marriage or marriage to a man whose lovemaking you like, but with whom you have nothing else in common? Now that these differences have been spelled out for you, the choice is up to you. If I were in your position, I would say goodbye to both and wait until “the right fit” comes along. You’re yet young. Don’t make a mistake that will ruin you for the rest of your life.

– CHRISTINE