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Should I pay for my daughter’s wedding?

Should I pay for my daughter’s wedding?

Thu, November 21, 2013 - 12:00 AM

Dear Christine,

I have never written to you before, but just wanted your opinion on a matter that is causing me some concern. I guess it is a case of wanting to know what’s the correct wedding ettiquette. I am not so sure how it goes.

Our 26-year-old daughter [the youngest of two] is engaged to be married late next year. She has been living with her fiancé

for the past six years and wants to have a traditional wedding with a wedding gown, tuxedo and reception for 110 people.

I dare not mention where she wants to host the reception, but the wedding will cost in the region of $35 000 or possibly more.

She and her fiance make about $60 000 a year together. My husband and I make less.

Should I offer to pay for my daughter’s wedding? If you say yes, I will accept that I should. If you say no, I will quit torturing myself.

– Mother of the Bride


Dear Mother Of The Bride,

Quit torturing yourself and make no offers whatsoever. If your daughter has been living with her boyfriend for those many years, she should not expect her parents to foot the bill for a wedding.

As it stands right now, it’s better for you to wait and see what contribution she would like you to make.


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Posted by D. Stoute 11 months ago
This is no virgin daughter leaving her parents' home for the first time. She's been living with the man for six years, and in my opinion that takes some luster off the request. I think she should scale down the wedding plans and pay for it herself. Her immodest request of parents who cannot easily afford an extravagant wedding is unconscionable. Besides, after being in a live-in situation for six years I'm pretty sure she does not need another toaster.

  • 3
Posted by ego evaluation 11 months ago
If they are living together and plan to get married they should have made or be making plans to get married. I don't believe in paying a mortgage for a wedding, but it seems this culture is still alive.

They should know what they can afford, maybe they have been putting something aside for this, who knows. Mind your business and don't make any offers she is an adult if they want help and ask and you can afford it, than fine otherwise have a good nights rest and attend the wedding in what ever role you are given.

  • 1
Posted by june skeete 10 months, 4 weeks ago
If you do not know what to do with your money, please give me a call...I could use some.

  • 2
Posted by Pan Wallie 10 months, 4 weeks ago
Should I offer to pay for my daughter's wedding? No.
Especially since she has not asked. A nice monetary gift, but nothing close to that amount should suffice. But I thought the days of that correct etiquette had passed. Old age can be costly and you and your husband should be saving towards that. Sometimes children are incapable or disinterested in rendering senior care if it becomes necessary. It is always best therefore to aim to be independent of them. I know it is a special event, but I don't believe it has to extravagant. To start she should trim the guest list.

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Posted by Mel B 10 months, 4 weeks ago
$35000 wow another example of people focusing too much on the wedding and not on the my opinion yes it is a very special day but it should always be kept within one's start a marriage with an unnecessary debt is not wise....

  • 0
Posted by Marva Chase 10 months, 4 weeks ago
I say NO! Of course not! I have to agree with Christine on this one.... make no offers of footing that wedding bill. I think what would be a good thing
would be to give the couple a substantial monetary wedding gift of maybe $5,000 (if you can afford it) but I suggest you do this only when you are SURE that there is going to be a wedding!

  • 0

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