Should I talk to him about his fiancee
Tue, November 06, 2012 - 12:01 AM
I ANXIOUSLY AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
I am in an unusual situation and it has nothing to do with jealousy or anything like that. I read your column and I like the advice that you give to people.
I have a very young friend who is getting married next month. Now, as young as I am, I believe marriage is a serious commitment and both parties must genuinely love each other.
My friend seems to love this lady a lot even though she is older, commanding and demanding. It’s her way or no way, even down to his religion.
He has changed that for her as well as the plans for the wedding – which is in a few weeks. It’s her date, her venue, her family (who are mainly in the bridal party) and worse, her friends. They all got written invitations – but the few friends he is allowed to bring were told by word of mouth.
His family bickers about it secretly, but they say he is over 21 years old so he can make his own decisions. His parents and grandmother don’t agree with the marriage, but his mum says at least he likes girls and isn’t on a block.
His dad tolerates her, but admires the fact that his son has an older woman who has a Government job and a great body. His grandmother just loves him and doesn’t want to upset him.
I want to know if I too should just let him make his own decision or risk losing his friendship by advising him to go for counselling before his marriage.
Truth be told, rumour has it she is also talking to someone “more manly”.
However, that is just a rumour. I am more worried about the “bossy stuff”.
In my own family, my mother does not tell me whom I should date. However, she speaks to me privately and still tells me how she feels about the women I date.
Thanks a lot and I urgently await a response.
I sense a passion in your letter, that you are honestly and sincerely worried about your friend, and you have a right to be, based on what you have written.
I would suggest that you speak to him – out of love. Let him know of your concerns. You do not have to focus on every little detail and suspicion, but speak concerning what you have noticed.
One of two things will happen. He will accept what you have shared with him as a friend, or he will reject it. Either way, you would have spoken your mind.
It could warn him of possible trouble further down the road and help him to avoid the pitfalls – possibly by having serious discussions with his future wife.
Sometimes we have to be the eyes of those who are “blinded by love” or who are so emotionally caught up in the prospects of a wedding day, that they forget a wedding and a marriage are not the same thing.
My feeling is that with a wedding just a few weeks away, he would hardly change his mind but a little advice would still go a long way. If he encounters pitfalls along the way, then he would remember that he was forewarned.
It is also my belief that his family should sit him down and have a good talk with him about how they feel. It makes no sense being deceitful about the whole thing.
However, they should still let him know that while they have their own concerns, they are willing to support him all the way. You can do likewise.
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