Nation e-Edition

Should I tell on sister’s boyfriend?

Should I tell on sister’s boyfriend?

Thu, November 14, 2013 - 12:01 AM

Dear Christine,

Help me, please. My sister and her boyfriend are supposedly tying the knot in April – just five or so months away. While I am happy for my sister because she seems quite excited about her wedding, there are some secrets I have been keeping from her.

She and her boyfriend only announced in September that they plan on getting married in April. I thought this was quite a rush, as the family expected them to get married in July next year. I have not questioned my sister about her decision.

However, I do not know if I am right or wrong to have not disclosed to her that her husband-to-be has been cheating on her for the past few months. Christine, as far as I know it could have been longer. The thing is, I am the one who has failed to let her know what her boyfriend has been up to.

In August a friend and I visited a popular restaurant on the West Coast; my sister lives in the south-east of the island. As we sat down to order our dinner, I looked across the room and saw my sister’s boyfriend with his arms around this woman.

Although they were having dinner, they were sitting close to each other and he was feeding her what I believed might have been ice-cream. Minutes later they walked out of the restaurant and got into his car. He never saw me and I never told my sister.

On another occasion, I went to the cinema one afternoon and saw them again. This time the woman was accompanied by a little child, no more than about five years old.

Again, I said nothing to my sister. I simply called her the next day, asked her how she was doing and if everything was all right. She seemed quite happy. I could not take away that happiness from her and caused her to become sad and depressed.

You see Christine, my sister was in a previous relationship where her then boyfriend got another woman pregnant. It took her almost an entire year to get over that. She is a quiet person who minds her own business and does not get caught up in anyone’s personal life.

On yet another occasion, while shopping in The City, I again saw my sister’s boyfriend with the same woman. Christine, please do not tell me that this is a coincidence or that they are just friends. Just friends do not walk together all the time and dine at expensive restaurants.

Now that I have been told that they are getting married, I feel obliged to talk to my sister and tell her what I know. The thing is, I do not want to hurt her. However, I am thinking I would rather hurt her now, than to see her suffer like she did before when she discovers that her husband-to-be is seeing another woman.

What on earth should I do? I love my sister, but I believe because she is a rather shy and quiet individual, her boyfriend may be taking her for granted. What’s your advice, Christine?

– Worried

Dear Worried,

I know you love your sister, but my advice would be to leave things alone. You have no real evidence to prove that your sister’s boyfriend is actually carrying on a sexual relationship with this woman. None whatsoever!

There are men whose best friends happen to be female and they may appear to be intimate, when they are simply friends. The fact that this man is preparing to marry your sister should be an indication that he is serious and committed to her, despite what you have noticed.

My advice is to keep still and do not say anything to make your sister upset or doubt the love her husband-to-be has for her.

You’ve done the right thing so far. Don’t create any ill feelings or cause your sister to become suspicious at this stage.


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Posted by Judy Clarke 11 months, 1 week ago
Worried - Next time you see your sister's fiance with this woman, you should walk up to them and congratulate him on his engagement to your sister. Tell him how much you are looking foward to helping your sister plan their wedding. Then politely ask him if his lady friend is a family member or co-worker.

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Posted by Ann Lewis 11 months, 1 week ago
Totally disagree with Christine but everyone has their own opinion!!

If you love your sister you should let her know. There are ways of getting around it.... why can't you say to your sister that you saw him at a restaurant. Is it a secret? It might be nothing at all therefore why hide? So when they get married will you just pretend you don't see him on the road and keep avoiding him when he is with someone. That ain't no way to live. Further more why didn't you say hi to him when you saw him? That's what I do when I see my inlaws whether they are with someone or not. Surely you would have seen some sort of body language if you had said hi. He might even introduce you to his friend that might be innocent. If there is something going on and your sister hears about it years later, I would think all those years wasted when it didn't have to go this far. I would feel guilty if I was in your shoes!!

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Posted by David Hall 11 months, 1 week ago
Dear Christine, this is some of the stupidest advice I have even heard.
At a minimum she needs to confront the man and get it all out in the open. We bajans just like to hush hush everything and excuse our inaction with the phrase 'it may just be a coincidence', Christine where there is smoke there is usually fire either way it worth checking to see if its a house or just a rubbish heap that burning. You don't dine and feed feed ice-cream to mere friends in a fancy restaurant except the person differently able.It cheaper and less stressful to stop now than hire a divorce attorney.

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Posted by cold winter 11 months, 1 week ago
I will let him know I saw him and the other woman, and I will tell my sister because I think he is taking her for a ride,

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Posted by Crystal Alexander 11 months, 1 week ago
Come on man!!!!!....wha kinda foolish advice is that?????.....ppl n foolish....what friend what????....
Since when ya does go round cuddling up and feeding ya "friend" ice cream.....and going in d cinema wid dem??...I would bet that the wife to be don't know anything about this.

Girl tell ya sista bout d dirty man do!!!!

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Posted by Ann Lewis 11 months, 1 week ago
totally agreed David and everyone else on this. CHRISTINE - what are you thinking??? I usually agree with most of your comments!

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Posted by Crystal Alexander 11 months, 1 week ago
Totally totally agree with every coment here so far....

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Posted by D. Stoute 11 months, 1 week ago
With all due respect Christine, I must strenuously disagree with your advice to the sister. I'm sure you read this: "I looked across the room and saw my sister’s boyfriend with his arms around this woman." I'm sure you also read this: "Although they were having dinner, they were sitting close to each other and he was feeding her what I believed might have been ice-cream."

Uhn-uhn, I'm not buying the "best friend" bit. This man has crossed boundaries with this woman. Suppose the bride-to-be walked in on those scenes, do you suppose her reaction would be: "Aw, look at my honey and his best friend having a quiet dinner together." No, I am quite certain that would not be her response, unless she's an idiot.

Christine, you said: "You have no real evidence to prove that your sister’s boyfriend is actually carrying on a sexual relationship with this woman. None whatsoever!" Are you kidding me Christine? Okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. He may not be canoodling with her, but his antics are definitely suspect. Good Lord, the man is hugging and squeezing up the woman and feeding her ice cream like a baby! Platonic friends do not engage in that crap! THAT WOULD NEVER BE CONDONED BY ANY WOMAN WHO IS ABOUT TO MARRY THE MAN SHE LOVES. I am so steamed by your response!

This is ABSOLUTELY inappropriate behavior for a prospective groom, and the sister should run and spill her guts. I'm sorry, but if that were my sister that's exactly what I would do because I love her and would rather her suffer some temporary hurt now than be trapped in a marriage with a cheating man. Sister, my advice to you is to run to your sister with the news. As I see it you'd be doing her a tremendous favor and saving her from that turkey. Run like the wind to your sister!

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Posted by Pan Wallie 11 months, 1 week ago
This is why cameras can be good or dangerous. Before I tell my sister, I would let him know down to the minute details (so that he knows I am truthful) what I have seen. I would then put the onus on him to deal with that situation however way he sees fit. The behavior from either or both would help me determine whether I have to tell my sister or wait to support her from a downward spiral.

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Posted by Terri Hoyte 11 months, 1 week ago
This is some of the worst advice I have seen in this column. This new Christine is must be joking!

How can Christine say no real evidence? The man at an expensive restaurant feeding a woman, I might be slow but I have a best male friend and that would and has never happened between us.

Plus if it was my partner would have all rights to think something going on between us, because if I was doing that something would have to be going on.

Lady this is your sister! Your nice, quiet sister who has been hurt badly before not some stranger on the road. Not a co worker or a friend this is your FLESH and blood.

Confront this man tell him in great detail what you have witness. Sorry you didn't take pictures on your cell phone as well. Out right ask him who this woman is.

Tell you sister what you have seen. Tell her you only have her best interest at heart and that the way that he and this woman were acting made you suspicious.

Tell her you love her and what ever she decides to do you will support her in. If you do see him and the woman again take a picture so you can show your sister.

I would want to know. You know what truly hurts it is when everyone knows what is going on and you don't. When the truth comes out they say, oh I felt something was wrong but I didn't want to get in your business. Then you wonder why not, if you see something that can hurt me why not tell me! I want to make informed decisions. Let your sister make a informed decision.

If you love your sister tell her.

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