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Commentary
BC's B'dos - Hair, o God
Published on: 2/8/2010.
by B.C. Pires
A COUPLE OF Fridays ago in his WEEKEND NATION column, Richard Lowdown Hoad was good enough to deify me in passing.
To my recollection, only the guitarist Eric Clapton in the 1970s was accorded the same recognition in the form of graffiti on London walls: Clapton Is God.
Recognition of any kind is hard to come by, nowadays, particularly for immigrants, so I'll happily take a big-up from the Lowdown and consider it an improvement on a dead sheep (curried or soused).
He probably didn't intend me to take the comment seriously, but it got me to thinking and I began to wonder: suppose I was God, in truth. What would I do?
The first couple o' hundred things that come to mind won't bear repetition in a family newspaper; so, we'll skip all that and consider the more mundane miracles I'd perform and/or fundamental rule changes I'd make.
First off, I'd probably cut out all the worship of me.
As a mere mortal, I get annoyed by people fawning on me; as a divine being, I don't think I could stand being actually worshipped; especially by men in dresses.
Even the worship of the ladies would wear thin over all eternity, which would be my new life span.
If I couldn't persuade my creatures not to worship me, I'd certainly tell them to reject all doctrine and follow one simple rule: love thy neighbour. (I might keep the hymns, though: some of them are just divine.)
Right behind the worship, I'd chuck out the pain and suffering. In my recreation of the Creation, no earthquakes would destroy Haiti, no famine or war or drought would cause millions of sick children with distended bellies to wander around half a continent.
No one would be born odd-looking (which would simultaneously rid the world of politicians).
Everyone would be equal in my eyes and treated the same before me, regardless of which genitalia, sexual orientation or skin colour I gave them; which is more than can be said of women in the Middle East, homosexuals in Uganda or jewellery vendors on the Barbados Yacht Club beach.
I've got to stop here. But next week, if I spare life, I may consider some of my miracles and new rules for the natural order.
I'm thinking of doing away with tides altogether, for example; just having a constant ten-metre point break at South Point and a swimming pool at Accra/Rockley; and switching the calorie ratings of chocolate and carrots is high on my agenda, right behind giving myself either more or less hair, just so I don't have to manage the pitiful amount I have on my head.
Combing my hair is like reading a Bajan Budget: how do you stretch so little so far? However, in case what the French call "force majeure" should intervene - I won't say an act of God - I'll just point out that if I really were God, we would have just entered the year 2010 - BC.
lBC Pires is not God but he is Good for you; no, wait; that would be Guinness. You can email him at bc@caribsurf.com
3 comment found!
BC's Articles : 2/9/2010
And you are wrong BC. If politicians are anything to judge by (yikes!!) then you must know that fawning, flattery and the like are all in the order of things!!
Anyway, I'd have hoped that you have better and more relevant things to write about. And to relate it back to the society in which you now find yourself/wider Caribbean society. Guess that's why I don't read you often.
Good Column BC : 2/8/2010
I argued with someone today about god, each Sunday all you hear is preaching about these awesome gods and saviors who are so powerful they can do anything impossible. How can these so called gods live with themselves, hearing the cries of hungry, dying children crying out for food and do nothing, warmongers cutting open the wombs of pregnant women while still alive, the excuses these religious lunatics give, people suffer because they don't believe in the christian god, imagine the heartlessness of passing someone in the street begging you for food and starving, and you refuse to help them because they're not of your religious affiliations, transfer that to a so called highly intelligent supreme being who should know better, starving people to death because they don't believe in him or worship him, remember Stalin, Pol Pot, and Hitler, same thing, a god who stands back while millions die from hunger, wars, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis etc. and do nothing to prevent suffering, in the end is an accessory to murder, The Republicans did not vote for Obama but he still has to treat them fairly and with respect, same thing for Thompson and the BLP, its time for people to toss these false religious useless gods into the garbage cans of history, but its like the man who has invested thousands of dollars, into a one arm bandit or scam and keep losing, because he's unable to cut his losses and begin anew, so too the religious after spending his whole life praising and worshiping a fictitious god in the belief he will go to heaven when he dies, would prefer to live a life in denial forever, aided and abetted by institutions that profits from his ignorance and denial, with scandalous claims that god speaks through them.
How : 2/8/2010
How silly. I am thankful that you are not God.
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