Dear Nesta,

EVAH YEAR, ef we en chokin' 'pon de African dus', we worryin' 'bout hurricanes comin' 'cross from Africa - fuh almos' six mont's o' de year. An' as ef dah din' bad enuff, big, slimy African snails now descen' 'pon de islan' an' tek up residence!

Don' ask muh how duh get hey, suffice to say, we now got dem runnin' riot all ovuh de place, eatin' evaht'ing in sight. I t'ought dat by now I woulda been tellin' yuh dat duh partly gone, but instead, duh now seem to be mekkin a mockery of de Agricultural Ministry, an' regardless to all de bait an' bounty money dat gettin' dish out, de results far from heartenin'!

When dese snails start appearin', much people en tek no notice. When Philomena p'int out to she nighber dat she see some 'bout she gardin, de 'oman only politely lissen an' turn 'way widout a word. She din' de only one wid dah attitude - we had nuff mo' like she! Now we got snails like peas, spreadin' right t'rough de islan' an' nobody en got de answer!

Dah bounty offer o' 50 cents fuh evah poun' comin' in, dat I hear is to get raise by 25 cents, en mekkin' a dent in de amounk o' snails dat 'bout hey. Bounty-hunters ketchin' mos'ly big ones! Much quicker to mek up a poun' wid big ones, fuhgettin', of course, dat li'l snails gine get big an' cause nuff damage as well, but in today worl', MONEY - not manners - maketh man! Dollar bills callin' de shots, so helpin' to rid de place o' dese nuisances en firs' an' foremos' fuh some folk! I hear recent 'bout a young fella risin' evah morning befo' 4 o'clock an' fin'ing summuch snails dat 'e could mek as much as 60 dollars a bag when de day come. But hummuch people yuh gine fin' risin' at dah ongodly hour to ketch snails?

Apart from de bounty, some bright spark once sugges' dat, as dese snails is a delicacy in some part o' Africa, perhaps we should start shippin' dem abroad, but it look as ef dah sugges'ion still 'pon de groun' wid de snails! I only hope dat ef any t'oughts o' mekkin dese t'ings a delicacy in Buhbayduss, evah start runnin' 'roun' in anybody head, duh remain jes' dat - t'oughts! T'ings cyahn be dat bad!

It look like we come to a p'int whey we in some trouble! Nowadays, in de Turnin' by me, evah mornin' I fin'in' nuff snails, but I got to be careful 'bout hummuch bait I put down, 'cause o' de sammon-tot retriever I got! Duh multiplyin' faster dan we could get rid o' dem, an' right now, I would risk to bet dem hey to stay! Dah bait don' seem to be controllin' neffin, an' ef we use tummuch, de chemical from it could leak into de groun' an' get in we water. Dah would be anethuh problem to deal wid - dis time, we healf!

It would seem de ministry runnin' outta ideas an' now gettin' worried, ef, as I hear, duh t'inkin' 'bout seekin' expert advice. I trus' dah don' mean we gine need yet anethuh commission o' inquiry - dis time, 'pon snails! At de beginnin' when snails start appearin', we din' tek it serious enuff, an' not many o' we t'ought it necessary to do anyt'ing 'bout it, 'specially ef it was 'pon somebody else lan' an' not at we! As yuh know, nowadays we en got time to look out fuh a fella - too busy chasin' de dollars! So dese nuisances get a good head start, an' in spite o' all de bait an' de bounty, we in deep trouble! Dis lookin' to me like mission impossible! But, we mus' fin' a solution - an' soon!