by Dawn Morgan

THIS COLUMN is inspired by a conversation I overheard.

No names have been used, to prevent spousal or deputised abuse.

"Women use sex as a weapon!"

"Yeah, but it is they who are Weapons of Mass Destruction!"

"Wuh you say? Dem is Weapons of Man's Destruction?"

Nuff male-bonded laughter.

When I was asked to comment, I said: "This subject is too big for a quip. I will have to write about it."

Such warfare, especially war-unfair, is a deep and dark subject to be sexplored.

Another man joined in the ribbing (it didn't stop with Adam's rib) and said "Women pretend they like sex to get money from men!"

Mussee true, yeah. I am no pretender. And men don't give me money.

The root issue of relationship success was identified as what type and size of bacon the man can bring to the table.

One of the men later on told me, "women like nuff meat". Being a non-porker, non-hoofer, and non-fowler, I can't identify.

I did point out that most smart women realise if they tell a man he is firing a HARP gun, a Bazooka,or a 9-mm he is a lot more likely to be flattered and pleased than if they told him he just had a weepee-shooter!

The male ego needs as much strokingas female vanity.

When it comes to sexual satisfaction the key word is compatibility. If both of you have the same appetites, then things go with a bang. But team up a marathoner with a sprinter or a non-starter, and there are contact problems.

Another frequent complaint from men is that women give them the cold shoulder when they are seeking a warm front.

Now if the women just do so for bare spite, pouting, and giving silent treatment then that's not nice. But what if they are sick, or bone tired because they work outside the home and are also expected to do all the housework without help from Mr Goodbar.

To a much lesser extent, a woman may reject sex because the man has all the skill of a bull prancing 'bout in a china shop, when he jumps her like a mugger after her family jewels, and slamdunks her without any regard for her feelings.

Verbal protests don't stop him. That sort of man simply does not believe that if he forces sex on his wife or woman/women that it could be rape! He thinks he has "a right to tek it" whenever, wherever, however.

Also, if most of the time when he's speaking to her he tells her what a stoopid, igrunt, low-class, no-good, ugly, fat (or bony) female dog in the gutter she is, then she is unlikely to feel a warm glow when confronted with his concealed weapon.

A woman can go cold when she realises she is just one of a stringband of women and not his one and only. (But if she dares to share the sweets with another man, it will be war, or he may be the one turning the cold shoulder and giving silent treatment.)

*Dawn Morgan is a NATION senior reporter who believes in laying down arms in the name of piece. dawnmorgan@nationnews.com tel 430-5495