Dear Christine,
Let me say that I am not from your country, but I read your column online almost every day. Usually, I am in total agreement with the advice you give to readers and right now I can do with some advice concerning a matter which has me very uneasy.
My husband and I are relatively good friends with another couple we’ve known for the past two years. In fact,
I work with the wife’s husband and she works for my husband.
Recently, and much to my dismay, the husband has become increasingly “friendly” towards me.
On one occasion when greeting me, he purposely waited until I turned my face and kissed me on the lips. I dismissed this because I did not want to make any fuss.
However, soon after that they both “dropped in” one night while we were watching television, and I was in my pyjamas. I went to rest on the sofa because my back was killing me, while my husband went to his room to slip on a vest. The wife excused herself and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
It was then that the husband seized the opportunity to offer to rub my shoulders and my aching back. Well, his hands went under my shirt, and I was absolutely horrified!
I have tried telling my husband about what is happening, but he thinks I am being silly. On top of that, the wife joked that someone at work thought the four of us were “swingers”.
Is it my imagination, or am I right to be uncomfortable? He is touchy with a lot of people, but I am getting the idea that with me, he is testing the waters.
In addition, his wife’s comment about “swingers” made me wonder even more. How do I say something, because what if I am wrong and he is “innocent”?
Do I just let it alone until something bigger happens?
– UNEASY
Dear Uneasy,
You have every right to be uneasy about what is taking place, and right under your husband’s nose, so to speak.
Excuse me, but is he so dense that he cannot figure this out for himself?
And what is this about the wife suggesting a four-way? I am thinking that this couple could indeed be looking for swingers and hoping you’ll all end up in the same bed together. Seems to me that they are on a serious campaign.
As ridiculous as it seems, it’s a trend of thought I cannot easily dismiss. It’s either that, or this man is secretly hoping you’ll have an affair with him. Like you, I believe he is testing the waters. What right has he to put his hand up your blouse or kiss you on the lips?
You seem to be on their trail but you’ve got to act fast to get your husband on board with you.
You’ve got to convince him to look out for all the little signs. You also need to confront this man about his actions, even if it means taking the bull by the horns, and do so before he makes a next move.
Let him know you are happily married, that you are not comfortable with his actions, that you would not consider having an affair with him, and you and your husband do not believe in having sex or making love with anyone outside of your marriage. Please don’t sit around waiting for “something bigger to happen”.
In addition, you should avoid as little contact as possible outside the workplace. In fact, after you’ve had a serious talk with him, I’m sure those visits will become fewer and fewer.
Take action now! Quit waiting!
– CHRISTINE
