I CONFESS - It’s natural to love a married man
Sat, October 08, 2011 - 12:00 AM
PEOPLE OFTEN HAVE a problem with things they do not understand, or what they think goes against God’s teachings.
And this is why so many people consider relationships with married men to be wrong.
I have a different opinion. Life is about choices and I believe people have a right to choose whatever they want to live theirs as long as they do not break the law.
I, for one, do not consider being involved with a married man as against the law. It may be considered immoral in God’s eyes, but I would prefer to be happy in the arms of someone I love and who treats me with respect than to be miserable in an abusive relationship with a man I can’t stand.
Those who wash their mouths on women who are involved with married men don’t seem to take such factors into consideration. Instead, they are always projecting marriage or relationships with a single man as a bed of roses, when in many cases it is far from that. I’ve been through that, so I know what I’m talking about.
Another guilt trip that people try to place on women involved with married men is that they are home wreckers. That is pure hogwash.
Roy C in his song Don’t Blame The Man told men years ago that “a man can’t get your love unless your woman gives it to him”. The same thing applies here. A woman can’t get between a couple unless the married man wants her to.
The next thing that vexes me in this issue is how people label those who get involved with married men as being weak and having low self-esteem. Again, that is foolishness. Many women get involved with married men because they just love the man.
This thing about low self-esteem issues affects all types of relationships, not just these incidents. I feel passionately about this subject because I chose to be involved with a married man.
This relationship works for me. I am confident about myself and about what I want in life; I am with him because I just love him.
We were together for 11 years. Both he and his wife are well known. When I see them together I speak and go on my way.
I don’t have a number for him at home because I do not call him there. That is the understanding between us.
He tells me when he’s getting home and what time his wife will be there, so that I would not call him on his cellphone.
From the time I committed myself to this relationship, I recognized that I would have to make sacrifices, these being loneliness and not having a child. Both are difficult to bear, but so far I have managed.
There are times when I would want to be with him and I cannot be. I must make my own fun, go out with friends alone and wait for him to come to me.
The fact that I know he is out with his wife hurts because though I know she must come first, I don’t like the idea of anyone else sharing him but me.
Despite this, I am not involved with anyone else sexually at present beside him.
Most women have a maternal instinct and I certainly do. But I would not be able to tell the child who his father is because of the complications it would cause and I don’t ever want that drama. I also can’t go around telling everybody that this person is my man as the less people know the better. So I carry my love for him where it matters most – in my heart.
When I first met him I was involved with someone, but that person did not treat me with respect.
As that relationship was going nowhere, I became involved with my married friend and have stayed with him ever since.
What makes our relationship special is our honesty with each other. I think things would go better for couples in general if they would simply tell the truth.
That is, if a man is married he should be honest and say so and not lie about it. Too many men do this and lead on women, and that is wrong.
Likewise, if a woman knows she would not be able to live with a married man, she should not get involved with him in the first place.
She should be honest with him and herself, and walk away from that situation as they will certainly hurt each other.
Lastly, the number of women involved with married men shows how widespread this practice is. I am not saying this is right, but the fact is that it has been going on for years.
There is a reason for that, and it is that people grow to love each other despite their ties to another person. It’s natural; it’s human.
I hope my contribution helps to shed some light on this subject and clears up many of the misunderstandings.
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