I’m not enjoying sex with my hubby

Tue, June 05, 2012 - 12:03 AM

Dear Christine,

I am a 28-year-old woman and I have been married for two years to a man to whom I still cannot talk to about sex. It was like this before we got married and nothing has changed. He makes jokes about the subject, but I cannot seem to get up the nerve to discuss some of the problems I feel that we have together.

As a result, I cannot honestly say that I am really happy when it comes to the physical or sexual area of our lives. It sure does not compare to what I expected from our marriage and what my friends discuss with me about their marriages.

Either everybody else is overselling sex, or something is wrong with me.

– E.V

Dear E.V,

It is going to be very difficult for you to find out about this important aspect of life with your husband unless you overcome your fear of discussing sex with him.

Like many husbands and wives today, you still appear to feel there is something basically forbidden about sex. This creates many inhibitions.

You must convince yourself that it is alright to enjoy and discuss sex, but I guess your husband’s attitude towards this subject is not making it easy for you.

Joking is one thing and humour is fine. These often make both partners feel more relaxed. However, if the only way both partners can communicate is by jokingly saying things, or laughing about them, this can lead to a lot of misunderstanding.

Try talking a bit more to your husband each night and let him know you’re attempting to leap walls of fear in your bid to talk freely about sex. Eventually you’ll find that you are more able to discuss those things that are bothering you.

Also, remember that sexual experiences differ from person to person. Nothing is wrong with you.

– CHRISTINE

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Posted by Mr Psychotic 11 months, 3 weeks ago: Yes, dear...most people are overselling sex...the books and the movies feature paid models and actors who make it look like the best thing in the world, and THAT it should be, however, some people's experience is far from that. The mere fact that he jokes about it would tend to suggest that either he is slightly embarrassed talking about sex (but not doing it) or immature. If you find that you cannot discuss shortcomings or inadequacies, you will forever be having problems.