No bells and whistles from sex

Tue, January 31, 2012 - 12:01 AM

Dear Christine,

I am 26 years old and engaged to a man of 32. I was brought up very strictly and apart from a few kisses from other boyfriends I have not had any intimate contact with men until my present boyfriend came along.

He has persuaded me that since it’s just a matter of months before we get married we should start exploring sex.

Well, I went along with this idea and find that I get little pleasure from it. It’s nothing like what I read about in books. Sometimes I scarcely feel anything.

My boyfriend feels it will be different when we get married, but I am beginning to wonder if this is something I will have to learn to live with.

I am quite happy to give my boyfriend, who is my husband-to-be some form of pleasure, so there is no problem there, but I would like to know and experience the tremendous sensations I read about.

– Worried

Dear Worried,

Your situation is nothing new, but I am curious to know whose writings you have been reading. Sex is not all it is made up to be in writing and if your expectations are very high you’ll be disappointed.

As time goes on you and your partner will get to know each other’s bodies and discover what is most pleasurable.

Many women admit to not having orgasms and many also have disclosed that it took them years to even experience their first.

When you and your partner are being intimate, try to stop being an observer and be a participant.

I hope it will all come easier when you are married and are in the privacy of your own home. Maybe then distractions will be few and your mind more at ease.

I am also aware that your decision to have intercourse before marriage could have resulted in some kind of guilt. It’s too late now to wish you had waited, so let’s hope the sexual fulfilment you seek is still ahead of you.

– CHRISTINE