Tempted to have sex before I get married
Thu, November 08, 2012 - 12:01 AM
Dear Christine,
I will be 22 years old on my next birthday and the man who says he will marry me is 26. He has not yet told his parents and I have not told mine that we are planning on getting married.
He tells me he will speak to my parents shortly, and that he would like us to be engaged for at least four months before the wedding. He said, however, that he would like the wedding to take place next year – at all costs.
My problem is his constant arguing. He feels that since we will be getting married soon and engaged even sooner, it is okay for us to have sex. I am a bit hesitant.
I always wanted to get married while still a virgin. Also, what do you think my chances of marrying him will be if we become sexually involved now?
Christine, I’ll be honest and frank with you, as much as I am tempted to give in, I am a little scared. Even though this man swears that he is in love with me and loves me enough to marry me, there are some women I know who are still trying to get his attention and we quarrel over them as well.
What do you think I should do?
– P.P.
Dear P.P.,
I think that you should stick to your convictions. Your chances of being wedded are better if you keep from being bedded.
Right now all you have are promises – not even an engagement ring to at least say he is truly committed to you to some extent. If he loves you as much as he says, then he can wait or fast-forward the wedding date.
– CHRISTINE
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Comment LinkI threw caution to the wind with my then boyfriend at 17 (he was 20), way before we got married. I was a virgin and I can't say that either of us lost any respect for the other. Although we were both very active in our church and youth groups, excelled in our studies and spent a whole lot together, there was something missing from our relationship. For us, that missing link was love-making. As much as we prayed about it and read and discussed all the dreaded things that can go wrong, we knew it was what we wanted to do. Making love for us was definitely the way that we communicated those feelings we couldn't put into words. It was the connection that brought us to the point where we knew we couldn't live without each other. We had a plan for if we conceived a child out of wedlock but more importantly, I had a plan and while it was compatible with OUR plan, it worked much the same way as if I had to do things on my own. Fortunately for us, we married each other and 20 years and 4 child
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Comment LinkThere is no empirical evidence to support the above statement by Christine. It is inaccurate and should have been withdrawn or corrected in the next edition of this newspaper.
Is this what we should be teaching our girl children - that remaining a virgin increases their chances of getting a husband? This is unadulterated brainwashing and misinformation to the highest degree!
Remaining a virgin may prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancies but there is no evidence to suggest it will help a woman to get married - or even stay married.
It is indeed a sad day in Barbados if we still adhere to such outdated and erroneous beliefs.
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