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True Confessions
I CONFESS: Wasted his life to show off
Published on: 11/7/2009.
WHY WOULD A MAN say he loves a woman and that she is the best thing that ever happened to him, and yet have other women behind her back?
This is what happened to me, and up to this day I just cannot understand it.
The next thing that I cannot get my mind around is, why some men feel that they have to spend big to impress their friends, yet they can't afford it?
That is so stupid. Yet I hear women complaining about this attitude with their men all of the time.
My husband did both of these things. What made it worse was that because his father held a top post in the Government and was well known, he felt he could get away with anything. That attitude got worse after he joined the same institution; then he would do as he liked.
But as sweet life doesn't last forever, some time after his father retired, he came under real pressure for his productivity. That was because for years he did as little as possible and people used to cover for him as his father was the big boss. But with daddy gone, a spotlight was shone on him.
The new people in charge began to probe some of his activities when he was on duty. They would have heard rumours about him, like how he used the institution's vehicles to ferry women to and fro, or be intimate with while on duty. And the more they digged, the less impressed they were with his job performance.
Plus, his lifestyle made it look like he was spending more money than his salary grade could even afford. By that time he had three children from three different women, and one with me. We later married.
Realising that his days may have been numbered, he resigned from his job and applied to do similar work overseas. So he and I packed up and went to that country. I saw it as a chance for a fresh start - no more having to deal with his manipulating children's mothers; no more colleagues who would cover for him while he was out being worthless, and no more reason for him to be spending big.
To me, the move was a chance for us to get closer as a couple, and an opportunity for him to realise his potential as a man. So, I welcomed that move.
At first, things went well. He was a good husband and was focussed on his new job. He had the experience to do it so I was confident that he would have done well; all he needed to do was concentrate on what he was doing. But just when I was beginning to feel he had changed, his spendthrift nature raised its ugly head again.
He bought a used car for us to get around in, which was quite adequate. But as time went on he bought an SUV for me, though I told him that as he was the only one working we could not afford it and still be able to save something properly. But he didn't listen; he had to be all show as usual.
Then I started to get phone calls from a woman who claimed she was involved with him. I don't know what she was doing to him, but in spite of all the love he said he had for me, he began to treat me really badly in the manner he spoke to me.
At work, too, his increasingly bad attitude and show-off nature got the attention of his managers. Again they started investigating his activities and, like his bosses here in Barbados, they were not impressed with his productivity and general performance. So, again fearing the umpire's finger, he resigned that job too. Now we're back here, in debt with no job, and separated.
My husband has managed to throw away a promising career twice - how stupid can any man be? And for what? Sex? Show?
Some men just don't get it. They don't realise that life is much more than about appearances and good looks. They don't realise that what they sow they will reap.
14 comment found!
Tsk Tsk Tsk : 11/11/2009
You are the not the first nor will you be the last woman this has happened to; but you need to prove stand up on your own two feet take of your responsibilites. You do not need a man to complete you.....move on and let it go...it will take time, it will hurt but you can find better.......do not be bitter about just know that you can not change an adult you can only mold your child.
: 11/9/2009
What is wrong with us women -- I cannot believe women are writing to this wife and mother and making these derogatory comments, when do you ever hear a man make these type of comments to another man's problems. Men make us women look like scorpions, always ready to destroy each other. When will we as women learn to support and council each other without the negativity!! Yes, it is true we as women make some unhealthy choices but from reading this woman's story, it came across to me that all she was trying to be was a supportive wife to a husband who was not playing on her team, if he was working with his wife he would have been more inclusive instead of making silly decisions on his own. It is very easy to say something nasty and hurtful -- why not try and give this woman some womanly advice because marriage is not an easy road and in order for it to work, both parties need to be playing on the same team!
Wasted his life to show off : 11/9/2009
What is wrong with us women -- I cannot believe women are writing to this wife and mother and making these derogatory comments, when do you ever heard a man make these type of comments to another man's problems. Men make women looks like scorpions, always ready to destroy each other. When will we as women learn to support and council each other without the negavity!! Yes, it is true we as women make some unhealthy choices but from reading this woman's story, it came across to me that all she was trying to be was a supportive wife to a husband who was not playing on her team, if he was working with his wife he would be more inclusive instead of making silly decisions on his own. It is very easy to be say something nasty and hurtful -- why not try and give this woman some womanly advise because marriage is not an easy road and in order for it to work, both parties need to play on the same team!
: 11/9/2009
Unfortunately he is not the first to behave like this and he will not be the last unfortunately people like him never learn until they have to hit rock bottom when they do find out the high friends have already gone.
TOO BAD : 11/8/2009
YOU MARRIED HIM ........... HA HA HA .........WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT NOW ? YOU KNOW HIS EVIL WAYS, YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN BACK THE SUV , I KNOW YOU ENJOY SHOWING OFF IN IT . TOO BAD, I HOPE YOU DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE 2x. GOOD LUCK .
Wasted his life to show off : 11/8/2009
Many people dont realise that life is about personally being the best you can be. That is a human beings destiny. But Society teaches us to think negatively, be competitive and dislike others. If we mastered Love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, gentleness, self-control, patience and faithfulness - the fruits of the spirit we wouldn't need "a show-off nature" to get anyone's attention....
: 11/8/2009
SO??
: 11/8/2009
Leave the man alone when women shopping out men money buying stupid things in town nobody complain,he work for his money he can spend it how he please if you dont like it leave,sounds like you are jealous because the more he spend the less you get,go and look for a proper job and help pay the bills,you get an SUV what more you want,all you seem to be doing is relying on this poor man money go and look for a job women like you just want all the money for yourself.
Wasted his life : 11/7/2009
Are you complaining,bragging or just trying to drown your sorrow? the other two women dump him,He told you he resigned from those two jobs, you believe that also.if you are bragging it is just about how gullible you are.Talking about reaping what you sow, you are reaping some big time grief for the poor choice you you made. Read your story, you are the only one that stayed.how gullible can you be.
: 11/7/2009
what are you complaining about? you knew of his fake lifestyles and destructive personality while he was with you and had 3 "baby mada" and 3 children and you still got 'MARRIED" to him. what did you think? that you could change him? Best of luck next time
Show offs : 11/7/2009
Not only men behave like this , some women live the same way, they like to impress on others in order to gain friendship. We have lots of great pretenders who like to live lavishly and don't have the finances to accommodate this lifestyle. People must learn to live with they means. They put themselves in a lot of unnecessary dept which they can't afford then expect others to help them with they problems. They will left paying they bills to live sweet when the bills become a burden then they loose everything and they will wish to blame others for they mistakes. Sometimes these people will not learn from they experiences but will continue to live this way when the occasion arises again. These people are just losers and will try to bring you to they level if you continue to tolerate them.
: 11/7/2009
No, some of them don't realize, sorry to say, but then I do believe that they are not all alike. Sound so familiar, Cars!! Women!! Cars!! Women, Champagne lifestyle on a Beer pocket.
: 11/7/2009
Wow, this dude is a real piece o work. Lady, you should have been out and gone ever since. This leopard will never change his spots. Too often we women refuse to see what is in front of us; often for the same reasons you lay blame on him. Good luck.
: 11/7/2009
Yawn ...yawn..and how many times has this happened in life with people?
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