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True Confessions
I CONFESS: Child of rape hated by mum
Published on: 10/31/2009.
MY MOTHER hated me, and treated me as if I was the worst person in the world. She could not stand to look at me.
So, for the first ten years of my life she ignored me as best she could. And when she was finally forced to take responsibility for my daily welfare, she made me suffer with persistent physical and verbal abuse. It was awful.
Unlike the woman last week who does not trust men because her father cheated on her mother, destroyed their family, and ended up broke, I don't trust men because my father raped my mother and I was the result.
He was an older man and she a young woman in her late teens. He had a dollar, while she came from a poor family.
In those days the old people used to hush up those things, so my mother had to endure the brutality of being raped, and was made to have a child at a young age which she said destroyed her ambitions, and the man was never punished.
For this she was always bitter, and took out her resentment on me after I had to live with her.
I was conceived through violence and deceit and was made to pay the penalty my mother felt my father should have paid for raping her. She made me suffer so much.
For this reason I hate men and have had little to do with them throughout my life. I see men as being responsible for all of the bad experiences in my life - a near loveless childhood and brutal teenage years.
Because of what my father did, my mother ensured I had little chance to be a child. The thing is, my only crime was that I was the child of the man who raped her.
My recollection of my mother's bad feelings towards me goes back to when I was five years old. In those days I used to live with her and an older woman at that woman's house. That lady was a family friend who had taken us in.
The lady used to tell me that she was my friend and the other woman was my mother. But I could never understand what she meant as she was kind to me, like how a mother should act to her child; while my mother used to snap at me and rough me up whenever I had to deal with her.
As fate would have it, the lady died when I was 10. From then until I became a teenager and could get away from my mother, I smelled hell.
She would beat me for the slightest thing and would sometimes make me kneel down for hours as punishment.
When she was home, she would send me out in the yard and I had to stay out there by myself, and if the rain fell I had to go into the pit toilet for shelter.
If I said something to get her vex, or was even foolish enough to question her, she would hit me with the nearest thing to her hand, and push me in the toilet - and you know how bad those smell.
Sometimes she would make me stand naked in the yard in the rain as my punishment, and though I would cry and beg to come in, she would keep the backdoor shut. And as I did not have on any clothes, I could not open up the gate and run outside.
In terms of verbal abuse, I used to have to stand next to her and endure nasty stares from people when she told them whose child I was and how he raped her, and she did not care anything about me or him.
I guess that was her way of getting back at my father the only way she could, and venting her anger at never getting justice. But can you imagine how useless and helpless I used to feel when she did that? None of this was my fault, but I was the one being blamed!
I can go on about the terrible things that woman, my dear mother, did to me but I know nobody would believe me. When I look back at what she did, and the fact that I survived, it surprises me to no end.
As a result of living with such rejection, I have had a loveless life. I don't feel anything for anybody. I see men as just a means to get money; I care nothing about them.
Though I tried to change after I left from around my mother, I have always kept my feelings in and I know that accounts for my coldness as a person.
Men need to realise that for a few minutes of pleasure they can mess up other people's lives forever - that is what my father did to me and my mother.
23 comment found!
Hated by mom; : 11/6/2009
My dad went overseas to work when I was a baby and left me and my mom, she got pregnant by another man whom she claimed tricked her but she also got another child for him go figure so my dad decided to move with his life and leave her so she took it out on me and treated me different from all her other kids. I used to be very angry so I know what you are going through but I didn't let it cause me to hate men. I've decided not to let mother stop me from having a good life which I am enjoying with a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids, my mother would always put me down and physcially abused me, she told me I would never amount to anything and any man I get would abuse me and I vowed that would never happen so we don't have to be a reflection of our past or allow it to dictate our lives. For a long time I hated my mom but I havr forgiven her since I realise she didn't know any better we still don't have the best of relationship but we get along with each other so you don't have to let what happened to you cause you to hate men or anyone anger eats away at you and don't allow you to become your best self, so for your own sake please get some help and move on with your life it's a gift from God.Start to love yourself and then you will love others,I wish you well
Maybe Rape Maybe Not : 11/6/2009
I am not here to pick sides i usually give the best comments anywhere in the Nation,my heart goes out to the young lady,my comments was towards her mother,the only thing that mothers tell their daughters these days is look fa ah man dat could ge yuh something,they never talk about true love just a man with money.I think that it is more to the mother story which we only heard through the daughter,how do we know the mother is telling the truth look at the other confession about the woman that try to put a child on another man then end up loosing,although some stories are genuine and heart breaking,i think that a lot of women are just confessing their wicked ways turning stories in their favour and now living a regretful life.So calling me heartless is like looking at yourself in a mirror maybe you should see me for counselling.
Child Of Rape : 11/5/2009
You are stronger then you think. I know it is of no comfort to know that what you went through as a young child and teenager will always be with you for the rest of your life. Like your mother I was raped,except I was raped repeatedly over several years by my own father. I felt dirty and my self esteem was O. Over the years, until I told my mother I did as much as I could to stay away from the home. I guess my advantage was I came from a very large family. There was always someone to turn. When I became a young teen I sought out the appropriate help and because of that help, I have learned to heal. My advice if you can afford it, go and get the proper guidance. Someone you can talk to about your situation. There are people out there that are willing to help. The memory of what happened never goes away, but your can move on with your life in a very productive way.You deserve such happiness. Not all men are evil, there is someone out there that will love you for who you are. Don't close yourself off from what you could have in life. Do not let what happened to your mother control your life anymore.
: 11/5/2009
Judge Judy you are heartless. I pray that God will change you . You need counselling as well. If you have nothing good to say SHUT up.
Child of Rape : 11/3/2009
Wow , What a depressing story. It is sad to know that they are so many kids out there that are going through some of the terrible things that you went through by the hands of their mother and sometimes father. Adults need to keep their eyes and ears open for small children who go through this sort of abuse and should definately report it. No child has asks to be brought into this world, and whether it is through rape or normal circumstances the child has the right to be cared for and protected. I hope that you will seek some professional help so that you can sort out your anger and hate towards men. Of course getting help is never too late. I also hope that if there is a mother out there who is abusing her child that she will read your story and put an end to her child's pain. To all the onlookers who will turn a blind eye to this sort of behaviour, I want to say stop and think about the long term psychological problems that the child may have later on in its life. Please, do not turn your back on an innocent child , he or she needs your voice and your help. Think hard before you ignore this kind of behaviour. Others might say it is none of your business, but I want to let you know that It is your business. Everyone needs to stick together in a positive way to make this world a better place. Children today is the world tomorrow. Bajan In Toronto
Child of rape : 11/2/2009
Please my child pray for deliverance of your mother who should know better to bring a girl child in this world and treat it like chop liver.You are not responsible for her being raped she chose to bring you into this world and she should love you regardless you are her flesh and blood. But I hope you can forgive her one day and please do not hold any malice in your heart toward her. You will be the one to be by her side one day in the future and please be there. Your mother is not educated in mental abuse and what she has done to you mentally. Is there any way you can get any help such as therapy because you will need it.Why you will need therapy because your mother have actions have you with hate in your heart toward men. Please get some therapy it will do you good. I wish you all the blessings and good fortunes that should befall you. Keep your spirits and your head focused toward a goal that you would love to be a part of. Stay blessed. Good luck
Child of rape : 11/2/2009
In this high tech world you can easily prove or disprove this rape accusation. there is no stature of limitations on fatherhood you can prove by DNA if the man is really your father if this turns out to be factual you will be in a position to contest future wills if not past child support. HOW ANGRY ARE YOU? Direct your anger where it was created. Unless you swallow your pride expose this man with real proof this injustice will fester in you for the rest of your life.We all have a Mom/Dad no matter what the circumstances are.
oop : 11/2/2009
mistake made ! it was not your fault or your mom for what happen to her but it was her fault however for what she did to you! everything in this world happen for a reason and bad things do happen to good people so try not to hate and use people because you don't want to endup like your mom
Your Story : 11/2/2009
Your story is jus a story. This article is well written, and I must say that you are educated. Mother could not be that bad. Come with something else!
: 11/1/2009
I am sorry to hera of your pain, young lady. My question, though, is why do you hate men? Have you have a bad experience with a man? How come you do not hate your mother who abused you so much for no reason? Did you reason out some how that she was right to treat you the way she did? You dad maybe an evil guy; however, if no other man did anything evil to you and your mom, I find it difficult to beleive that you will hate men so much. Please tell us of your experiences with men. Maybe I would understand your hatred better. Please do seek counseling and try your best to get over your hurt..
: 11/1/2009
I must say the comments from this so call 'judge judy' is the most ignorant comment I have ever come across how dare you say this poor woman was not raped it is people like you who stop women reporing rape incidents I hope you have no daughters how would you feel if one of them reported a similar situation to you would you say the same thing to your child all I can say you are judging that woman by your own standards maybe that is something you would do, shame, shame, on you
To hit & run : 11/1/2009
To Judge Judy I think you are TRASH, how INCONSIDERATE can any human be and then have the nerve to say you are not here to judge anyone, don't put your lifestyle on someone else. This individual again, did not ask for such "TRASHY COMMENTS", everyone else had some kind words and you had to be different, Don't forget a person is known by their CHARACTER, and yours just came out, have you never heard if you cannot say something good don't say anything at all, you should learn that. You are not worth responding to but I think someone should and therefore I did. SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
Hit & run : 11/1/2009
I dont think your mother was raped,you said she came from a poor family while the man had a dollar,seems to me like this was a hit and run,she was having sex with the man she became pregnant the man ignore her and never give her a cent that why, she was just after the man money.I am not here to judge anyone but there are 2 sides to a story,a lot of women push up them self to men with money,and this is usually the end result,you get pregnant and the man run,sometimes its good to keep your tail between your legs.
child of rape hated by mum : 10/31/2009
i am so sorry to hear how you were treated from your mum,your mother should not take it out on you.but i think she did not know what to do to your father so she turn to you.i hope that you would be able to forgive her ,i know it will be hard .thank god that it is over and i know that all of this will make you a strong woman today,there still have good men out there not all is bad.
hated by mum : 10/31/2009
You know, it is sad to read this, but if this is any consolation, let me share something with you, I was not a product of rape but "my mother" who is alive has always acted very much the same way you described your mother. I often wonder where they learned such cruelty, do they have hearts made of stone, and how is it possible that they can breathe with stone hearts. My mother is still alive and yes; I mean very much alive, I am a grown woman who has NEVER treated my own like that. I am sorry to read of your plight, but don't let your heart become like STONE, I do believe that somewhere inside you there is some love waiting to shine, try to forgive your mother, God allowed you to live for a purpose, You may probably think it is easy for me as the writer to say so, but I don't know what you had to live with, here is my take; I refuse to let my mother have any right over my accomplishments or happiness in life, yes, I have made some mistakes too, from such childhood experiences, but she is who she is, will never change, even with one foot in and one out, she is who she is, AS FOR ME ON THE OTHER HAND, I DO NOT HAVER TO BE like her. God allowed you to live for a reason, try to rid yourself of some of the anger, please don't take this the wrong way, but if that did not happen you may never have known the meaning to being alive, or the word "life". I am sure as you go along everyday, they are times when you laugh, talk to people, you have friends, they are still some people out there who love you, so draw on these things that bring you joy at various times, they will help to heal the negative, remember what you said, "none of what happen was your fault" but she did the best she could with what she had at the time. She was still very young, she did not have the opportunity to learn about love, if the person who took her and you in had lived longer she would have learned more because it seems as though she had begun to learn, after that lady died, all the anger returned.
HATE MEN : 10/31/2009
on reading this story, it would seem that the young women , hating men makes no sence, your father rape your mother, so yes her hurt her, but your father never did anything wrong to you, hate your mother, she was the one that dealt the blows and other abuse, not one time did you mention, about anything a man did except at conseption, so if you hate women i can understand, BUT hate men !! but like you said men are good for money, thats how it started you father had a dollar you mother was poor, and history repeats it self
hate by mum : 10/31/2009
In life people are faced with many rejections, sometimes it becomes difficult to live with when one have these experinces, No woman should treat a child they carried for the duration of a pregnancy this way, the least she could have done is show love even if she did not feel it. Hating a child makes her no better than the man who did the act.
I CONFESS : Child of rape hated by mum : 10/31/2009
Young lady, I am sorry of the ordeal inflicted upon you by your mum. Reading your story, you were and are concious of why, your mum treated you with so much hatred. To hate men is a continuation of what your mum began.... you have to break this cycle of hatred...make an oath with youself not to do to others what your mum did to you.
WOW : 10/31/2009
SOME OF YOUR LIFE STORY IS A PART OF MY LIFE ALSO MY MOM WAS ALSO RAPED AS A TEEN AND WAS BEATEN AND PUTOUT BY HER DAD ALSO A OLDER MAN TAKE HER IN AND ALSO ABUSE HER SHE HAD 4 MORE KIDS FOR HIM PLUS THE RAPED SON SHE COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND RUN AND LEAVE HIM WITH THE KIDS AND STARTED GOING TO CHURCH WHERE SHE MEED MY FATHER WHOM WAS A PASTOR IN THE CHURCH AND HAD ME A OTHER CHILD HE WAS A SHAME AND HE RAN OFF TO THE USA WHERE HE LATER SEND FOR ME BUT ONCE HE LEFT HER SHE COULD NOT TAKE ANYMORE AND WAS NEVER THE SAME MY MOM TO THIS DAY IS MAD I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER EVER HAVING A MOM BUT I DON'T HATE HER I LOVE HER BECAUSE I AM A MOM AND WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO MY KIDS AS YOUR MOM DID TO YOU I WAS ALSO RAPED AS A KID GROWNING UP AND THERE WAS NEVER NO ONE THERE FOR ME SO LET ME SAY I CAN IMAGINE WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH SO TRY BEFORE YOU MOM LEAVE THIS WORLD TO LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT SHE DID CAN LET HER KNOW WHAT SHE DID TO YOU AND HOW WRONG IT WAS BECAUSE IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT OR HER'S FOR WHAT HAPPEN TO HER BUT IT WAS HER'S FOR TAKING IT OUT ON YOU A MOTHER SHOULD ALWAY LOVE THE KIDS YES LOVE BECAUSE THEIR ARE A GIFE FROM GOD AND THERE WAS A REASON FOR THAT HAPPENING TO HER AND TO ME AND MY MOM I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HAPPEN IS BUT THERE IS ONE BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE ALSO
Child of rape hated by mum : 10/31/2009
I am so sorry to hear of your plight as a child. It is heartbreaking. It reminds me of a book "A boy called It". He too was abused as a child but did not allow that to consume his whole life. After his terrible ordeal he managed to write 2 books about his life. Your life is not over, you have not had an easy start but don't allow your experiences to make you a cold person that you will not experience love. Not all men are the same and neither all mothers. I too was abused and I have used the experience to better my life and try to help other people in their lives. Its not easy to get over the pain but you can do it with support and guidance. You have the courage to open up and let some of your story out, this is therap helpful to your being. Give yourself an opportunity to see another side of life. There are some good people out there and the good thing is "you're not going through it any longer"
: 10/31/2009
Your story is so sad and even though I cannot say I feel your pain, I think I understand your story. Please forgive your mother, she was made to deal with a terrible act of violence to her person without anyone being held responsible. She dealt with it very badly and at your expense. She needed counselling and so do you so that you can get your life in order and your heart and mind at peace. I pray that you will.
child of rape hated by mum : 10/31/2009
My heart goes out to the young lady who was concieved by rape. As a man i know she probely wont listen to any advice from me. but i do hope that she will seek professional help and moved on with her life. if i can help she can contact me. privately you can give her my email adressed. javhah@yahoo.com
: 10/31/2009
This is sad all round you mother should not have taken out all of her fustration on you, but whatever did happen to this man and why did not the family help your mother more I suppose in those days there was no help. But is your mother still alive maybe the two of you could get some type of counselling so that your mum can have the opportunity to say the affect the rape had on her because this is something some women never recover from.
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