Should I tell on sister's boyfriend?

terrybogles, terrybogles@gmail.com

Added 14 November 2013

dearchristine1

Dear Christine, Help me, please. My sister and her boyfriend are supposedly tying the knot in April – just five or so months away. While I am happy for my sister because she seems quite excited about her wedding, there are some secrets I have been keeping from her. She and her boyfriend only announced in September that they plan on getting married in April. I thought this was quite a rush, as the family expected them to get married in July next year. I have not questioned my sister about her decision. However, I do not know if I am right or wrong to have not disclosed to her that her husband-to-be has been cheating on her for the past few months. Christine, as far as I know it could have been longer. The thing is, I am the one who has failed to let her know what her boyfriend has been up to. In August a friend and I visited a popular restaurant on the West Coast; my sister lives in the south-east of the island. As we sat down to order our dinner, I looked across the room and saw my sister’s boyfriend with his arms around this woman. Although they were having dinner, they were sitting close to each other and he was feeding her what I believed might have been ice-cream. Minutes later they walked out of the restaurant and got into his car. He never saw me and I never told my sister. On another occasion, I went to the cinema one afternoon and saw them again. This time the woman was accompanied by a little child, no more than about five years old. Again, I said nothing to my sister. I simply called her the next day, asked her how she was doing and if everything was all right. She seemed quite happy. I could not take away that happiness from her and caused her to become sad and depressed. You see Christine, my sister was in a previous relationship where her then boyfriend got another woman pregnant. It took her almost an entire year to get over that. She is a quiet person who minds her own business and does not get caught up in anyone’s personal life. On yet another occasion, while shopping in The City, I again saw my sister’s boyfriend with the same woman. Christine, please do not tell me that this is a coincidence or that they are just friends. Just friends do not walk together all the time and dine at expensive restaurants. Now that I have been told that they are getting married, I feel obliged to talk to my sister and tell her what I know. The thing is, I do not want to hurt her. However, I am thinking I would rather hurt her now, than to see her suffer like she did before when she discovers that her husband-to-be is seeing another woman. What on earth should I do? I love my sister, but I believe because she is a rather shy and quiet individual, her boyfriend may be taking her for granted. What’s your advice, Christine? – Worried Dear Worried, I know you love your sister, but my advice would be to leave things alone. You have no real evidence to prove that your sister’s boyfriend is actually carrying on a sexual relationship with this woman. None whatsoever! There are men whose best friends happen to be female and they may appear to be intimate, when they are simply friends. The fact that this man is preparing to marry your sister should be an indication that he is serious and committed to her, despite what you have noticed. My advice is to keep still and do not say anything to make your sister upset or doubt the love her husband-to-be has for her. You’ve done the right thing so far. Don’t create any ill feelings or cause your sister to become suspicious at this stage. – CHRISTINE

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