He treats me badly in public

shadiasimpson, shadiasimpson@nationnews.com

Added 21 January 2013


Dear Christine, I HAVE BEEN SEEING A MAN who is older than I am. As a matter of fact, he has two children about my age. Their mother is dead and he is talking about marrying me. There are times when I am very happy with him. There is, however, one thing which causes me to be anxious about getting married. This man treats me like I am a child and he also treats me badly in front of people. We’ve only got to have a difference of opinion and he will set about making me feel stupid. The only thing I can do is shut my mouth when we have company. This is not always possible as someone will ask my opinion from time to time. If I say I do not know, he will say: “Man, don’t ask her, she stupid about things like that.” If I give an opinion, he’ll say: “You don’t know what you are talking about, why don’t you shut up?” This attitude only happens when we are in the company of other people. He is completely the opposite when we are alone, as he will listen to my opinions and be much nicer to me. I am wondering if he will change when we are married. I would not want him to ill-treat me when I become his wife. What do you think? – P.A.M.   Dear P.A.M., Life does not always offer us guarantees and marriage seldom produces miracles. One must work hard to make any relationship work. You cannot keep silent about this matter now and hope that when you marry that things will be better. Chances are he could treat you a lot worse. Point out all of the times he has humiliated you and let him know just how you feel about his treatment. If he truly cares, he’ll try to avoid his current attitude. The age difference between you does not give him the right to treat you like you’re stupid or like you are a child. If he refuses to change now, he won’t when you’re married. You therefore have to decide if you can live with this treatment, or wish this man goodbye. – CHRISTINE

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