• Today
    December 17

  • 04:04 AM

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Me, buy banana leaves?

TONI-ANN JOHNSON,

Added 18 November 2016

bloc-yuh-gawh-be

Somebody please explain to me how we get to the point as a people where we got to buy banana leaves from a supermarket fuh $12.02.

I mean, banana leaves does walk bout hey. Yuh can’t go in de country and not see a banana tree. Now I ain’t telling you to go and pick de people banana leaves, but cu’ dear, you trying to tell me that you can’t just simply ask fuh two leaves to mek yuh conkies?

Now to mek matter worst the price of the banana leaves is more than de price of one conkie.

Sell out

Man, cheese on bread, but yuh know de hurtful ting is that we gine go and buy dem! And people gine justify buying dem because dem don’t know nuhbody wid a banana tree or dem was too busy to go in de country. If you doubt me ask me. Come next week, all ah dem leaves gine be sell out.

But you know what I learn about this, Bajans would buy anything yuh put a label on, so I decided that I would put labels on some tings and mek li’l money.

First thing, I selling is air. ’Cause I feel like in St Philip yuh does get de cleanest of air without the scent of farm animal faeces, and I selling it in de City where all wunnuh is smell is car exhaust, illegal matter and sweat.

Next ting I selling is sea water. I putting it in half-gallon bottles and selling it to de parishes dat ain’t have neither beach, parishes like St Thomas and St George.

Then I gine get some common sense and sell it. De people I gine target are those that are in trouble of becoming Goashemels.

For example; people that look at croissants and call dem cross-nuts and then get upset cause somebody laugh at dem. But on top of that they decide to send around a voice note with their frustration. Lord only knows I hope that was a joke ’cause I don’t think one body cud be so ignant so.

Selling common sense

De next person I gine target is whoever thought that a limbo artist was the best entertainment for a national lighting ceremony. I mean really, de woman tek 15 minutes to go under the bar, people behind me were so annoyed that they left and went home.

Finally, the last person that I shall sell common sense to is any person who decides within their soul that it is the best thing for them to decide to enter into the supermarket and purchase banana leaves for $12.02.

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.

Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: toniann.johnson@gmail.com

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