“Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.” – CARL JUNG
LIVING WITH YOURSELF can be a depressing or delightful experience. It was very early in the morning just before dawn that my telephone rang. The thought that immediately ran through my mind was “who could this be at this time of the morning”?
On the other end was a distraught female who was trying to hold back her tears while fighting to relate her disquieting situation. She started out by saying that she did not know me but just happened to dial my number. When she finally got her composure she said she could not live with herself anymore.
After sharing some details, I could only imagine what horror she was going through with her inner self for such an extended period of time. It took a while before helping her come to a place of peace from the troubled waters of her mind and emotions.
Right and wrong
The question of living with oneself brings up the whole question of right and wrong which is placed within the broad context of morality. There is an ongoing debate as to whether or not one’s conscience creates one’s reality or is there an innate moral law that is stamped on one’s conscience by the Creator that guides one in a morally healthy direction? I believe in the latter but will not ignore the former that is driving some individuals today.
Bruce Lipton touched on something that strikes a thought-provoking note when he said: “For science, the end of the evolution struggle is simply represented by ‘survival’. As for the means to that end, apparently anything goes. Darwinism leaves humanity without a moral compass”.
Free yet in bondage
I read of a mother who had developed hatred for a man who had scolded her husband regarding an unjust act which he had committed and from which she was benefiting. This woman wanted revenge and used her daughter to accomplish that end.
The man she detested was murdered. That young girl, I imagined, had to grow up with the “blood” of an innocent man on her conscience, thanks to her mother. The girl obviously was “free” but yet in mental bondage.
I guess for that mother there was nothing morally wrong about her actions so long she got her self-seeking wish. I believe Pope John Paul II got it right when he said: “When freedom does not have a purpose, when it does not wish to know anything about the rule of law engraved in the hearts of men and women, when it does not listen to the voice of conscience, it turns against humanity and society.”
When you have to be hiding from the police, your employers and the general public because of crimes you knowingly committed, you may be “free” but yet in mental and emotional bondage.
When you cannot sleep at night or have to pop psychiatric pills to close your eyes brieflyfor fe ar that your sins may catch up with you, you may be “free” but yet in captivity by your own conscience.
Living with yourself under those conditions can be a terrifying experience. On the other hand, people who are really free in their consciences do not have to hide from others or walk around with their heads bowed in shame, but can enjoy life to the fullest as God intended it.
Haunted by guilt
There are two types of guilt: false and real. False guilt often springs forth from negative past experiences an individual may have encountered for which he/she may blame himself/herself. It was Joyce Meyer who said: “I was tormented with guilt for years and years. In fact, it was so bad that if I didn’t feel wrong, I didn’t feel right.”
Real guilt emerges from the wrong things we do. Such guilt has a way of sticking to the walls of our consciences and as Robert South said: “Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal”.
Angelina Jolie expresses a “new normal” that has emerged where guilt is viewed as unreal. She said: “I don’t believe in guilt; I believe in living on impulse as long as you never intentionally hurt another person. And don’t judge people in your life. I think you should live completely free.”
What a statement. Is it possible for a person to live by impulse and never intentionally hurt another person? What a defence mechanism used to bury the reality of guilt which has a way of attacking lives in the still hours of the night when you are all alone with yourself.
Someone once said, “With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.”
Hurting others
We live in a world where the conscience of some people seems to be “branded with a hot iron”. Over a protracted period, you can desensitise your inner moral GPS by ignoring its directions as it seeks to guide you in the right direction. As a consequence, human life and dignity have a tendency to lose its value in your sight.
I could not have put it better than Pope Francis who remarked: “We have perfected our weapons, our conscience has fallen asleep, and we have sharpened our ideas to justify ourselves as if it were normal we continue to sow destruction, pain, death.”
Years ago I came face to face with a senior citizen who stood out as a sterling example of an individual who was living in harmony with himself. I enjoyed being in his presence. One of the things that stood out for me was his calm and serene demeanour which radiated from his fragile frame like a beacon in the night. When he spoke I could not miss the fact that he had no unresolved issues with anyone. He was at peace with himself. Great example to emulate.
Can you imagine if everybody lived in peace with himself/herself what kind of world we would have?
• Haynesley Griffith is a marriage and family life consultant. Email: griffitharticles@gmail.com
