DEAR QUEEN’S ENGLISH, I have watched for years as you forced them to learn your dos and don’ts, making them believe that was the only way to be “proper”. For the most part they have accepted your rules mixed in with a bit of mine.
They bought begs for their children and sent dem to school but more pacificaly they make sure they go all the way to Nuniversity so dem could be learned more better for a better edumacation.
Throughout life they makes sure to always get different experiences so they encourage dem to eat tings like Skrimp, shushi, stuffed shicken, cucumba, scrawberries and mangers. Not to mention that they always make sure to sample horse douvers at all the parties they go to.
The quest to be worthy enough to speak your eloquent english does not end there. As life is ever evolving so is technology therefore we make sure that they all have compruters. This has also given them the ability to watch flims at any time they feel like. If you doubt me ask me, dem get learn real good.
Every day in schools in addition to making sure that the children are well groomed with some nice prafrume, they makes sure that the children nuses your English language caw when dem get older they are to sound brilliant and not igrunt and duncy! That in itself would be a crime and I would gladly call de occifer to come and arrest anyone who bushers de Queen’s English.
I believe that it is time you and I had met face to face so as to discuss how further we can brainwash them into believing that your version of English is the absolute best.
Maybe we could have a spot of tea with some valilla ice cream, although that combination may lead to vomiking. But we must have this meeting quickly before they start to pick up the slang from Ameerca home of the brave, or maybe it is too late. In either case what is important is that you come visit as fastly as you can, and please walk with an onbrellla as one can never be too sure of rain.
In conclusion as we close and come to a conclusive end, I’d like to say that we are grateful for ur guidance, without you we would all be duncy, but more pacifically, we would be unable to communicate with each other.
P.S. please let me know what you wish to eat at our meeting so that I may collect it at the Sukamarket.
Your’s forever always and aint gine nuhway,
?– Bajan Dialect
I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.
• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org