• Today
    October 21

  • 07:19 AM

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Out ah de mout ah babes


Added 10 March 2017


CHILDREN SAY THE darndest things and if I didn’t believe it before, I surely do now.

I would see tests on the internet where children give in some . . . questionable answers, but I always thought they were fake. Until now.

Teacher: Today, class, we are learning types of sentences.

Class: Yes ma’am!

The teacher then goes through it with detailed precision and decides she can give an exercise. When she check Amy paper she near choke.

The sentence was as follows; “John went into the store and took up a chocolate.” The answer given was: a robbery, the sentence is a robbery sentence.

A next nudda one thought she was a smarty-pants because when the teacher asked why the class was behaving so uncivilised, she proceeded to say: “I don’t know what you mean, ma’am. I am very civilised ’cause I was born in Barbados, I have ID to prove it.”

After a moment’s pause the teacher says, “Do you mean civilian or, rather, citizen? Cause I think that is what you could have meant.” Man look, if you doubt me, ask me.

If yuh don’t watch yuhself, dese children would make you laugh until you start to catch asthma. If you feel it done dey yuh lie. One boy get up to give the definition of the word original. Hear my boy now, “Original: My favourite fragrance of Pringles.” Let’s allow a dramatic pause of confusion right there for a moment before I tell you about the one who wrote, “The people whore in the line, were waiting long.”

I don’t have to tell you that the word there was meant to be the abbreviation for “who are”. Jesus tek de wheel, ah beg yuh, ’cause it isn’t to say that the teachers aren’t teaching. Tek this one, for instance.

After extensively explaining and defining the word misogynist (a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women), the teacher decided to ask the class to then explain to her what a misogynist was, to which one confident young man exclaimed, “A gay man!”

However, not all of their answers are completely illogical. I myself wish I could have thought of a few of these when I was going school.

Maths problem: 2 x 5= X. Please find X.

Answer: Student circles the X and points an arrow with the description, “It hey, how u miss it?”

Question: If John had 20 chocolates and ate 12, what does John have left?

Answer: Diabetes, John has diabetes.

And finally one of my personal favourites.

Question: How do you turn centimetres into metres?

Answer: Remove centi. centi(metres).

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.

Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: toniann.johnson@gmail.com


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