DEAR CHRISTINE, MY HUSBAND and I have been married for the past 15 years and up to now I have had no cause for anxiety. Oh yes, we have had our differences but they were soon forgotten.
Recently, however, I have been somewhat worried. You see we have always enjoyed a good sex life but now he does not seem particularly interested.
He would not even make the effort to pretend. He says nothing is wrong. He also complains of feeling very tired and I know he has been having some staff worries at his place of business.
We are still together but I am wondering if it would help if I moved into a separate room or if we got twin beds instead. Other than this lessening of our sex life he is still the same kind, affectionate man as before. What can I do to change the situation which I feel will affect our marriage if it does not improve?
After so many years of a healthy, hearty sex life I can understand that it is worrying for you that your husband seems to have cooled off, but I feel this is something that calls for more understanding than worrying.
You said he would not even make an effort to pretend. I would like to remind you that although a woman can have intercourse even when she is not feeling like it, a man cannot make love unless he is feeling like it. You’ll have to handle the present situation with great understanding or he will begin to feel inadequate and unhappy.
There could be several reasons for the present cooling off. He could be overworked or worried about conditions at work.
If these are not the reasons, then you must realise that the sex drive does not remain at its first passionate level. This is a quieter period, and like all other ups and downs which one encounters in marriage he’ll probably come out of it.
Don’t talk or think about single beds. This will surely take away from the affectionate atmosphere you probably now enjoy.
Tact, understanding and right timing are all important. If the situation does not change, should have a talk with your doctor or a marriage counsellor. In any case I feel you should try to accept the fact that one’s sex drive can be lessened without this damaging the marriage.