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I HAD SO many Yuh Gawh Be Kiddin’ experiences this week that it was hard for me to choose just one, so I figure why not give y’all a one pot something.
Lemme tell wunnuh how de week start first:
It was a cool and still morning, the breeze danced through the air like a RPB melody. As I walked back to bed looking to begin round two of the examination of the inside of my eyelids, a voice said to me “go forth and shake thine sheet”.
As soon as I shake de sheet I realise that I had been sharing my bed with someone who had more legs than me, smaller than me and if it did bite me I woulda swell up like a balloon. A centipede!
I never move so fast in my life, hear. With the agility of a ninja I dodge it as it fly through the air and land on the ground and in the blink of an eye I had it tasting the bottom of my slipper ’cause I had was to make sure it was truly no longer in the land of the living.
Next ting now is that I had was to venture to a house to conduct some business and everything was going well until I hear somebody say, “snake”. I freeze in one place, turn my head slowly only to see a snake curled nicely around it’s smiling owner’s hand.
Now I don’t know ’bout wunnuh but yuh see me and dem tings, we don’t do. Once again I called upon my ninja speed and agility. I dodge a glass table, sidestep a light and glide over a couch to reach de nearest window because I was ready to jump outside effin I had to. If you doubt me ask me.
And last but by no means least, I was walking through ’Town the morning, I stop in Cave Shepherd to browse the cologne section like in the old days when I uses to walk through ’Town to get the van to school. I was feeling real nostalgic thinking about those good old days, and as I was exiting and turn the corner who I is to happen upon asking fuh a sponsorship? De same woman dat was day from 1997.
Seeing her still there going strong, left me in awe, and I must admit admiration, and in those quiet moments as I walked away I prayed for the commitment and perseverance of the Cave Shepherd lady.
I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.
• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org