• Today
    October 18

  • 10:52 AM

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN': Goopma concoction nah work


Added 07 April 2017


FUH DE DE PAST two weeks I have been experiencing a severe case of viral goopma-gunah-pecky. But the thing with this goopma is that it does kick into with gear as soon as the sun kiss the sea.

First de throat starts to hurt, coughing becomes as constant as breathing and a migraine does kick in and last all to the next day.

Anyway, one day I was home coughing up my lungs and my aunt tell me to come and drink this thing. Now the problem with this wasn’t that when I looked at the bottle it was a dark-green, murky-coloured kinda liquid.

No, the problem was the smile that danced across Urmenta (that’s what we shall call aunty) face and the fact that she had to strain it before I could drink it.

So my next thing to ask was obvious, “It got in alcohol?” and Urmenta tell me yes. With this new piece of information I felt somewhat more at ease, causin’ de concoction that I accustomed to has in alcohol and taste nice, and in addition, as well as additionally, she was pouring it into a shot glass which gave me more motivation.

I hold de glass now and brace off ’cause I was ready. I had Urmenta in front of me and uncle to the right urging me on, also known as peer pressure. When I shot this ting and it hit de back of my throat first thing I felt was the burning from the alcohol, but then I breathed.

Taste hit me hard

Who tell me to breathe? Look, de taste hit me like ten years ah back tax. If you doubt me, ask me. It was so bitter that my taste buds start to scream in protest. My toes curl and I had to squeeze in my bottom. den de room start to guh dark and spin as my stomach start to rumble in protest.

I had to get this taste out of my mouth, so I bong fuh de fridge and start to gulp down a set of water. Everybody now laughing bad and I in complete disbelief that this thing was suppose to actually make u feel better, causin’ compared to dis, Buckleys taste like a nice cold Plus on a hot day.

But just as I thought my stomach was settled I went and breathe one more time and everything start to come right back up. I guess I will never know if the concoction really works or not ’cause it din stop down long enough and I sure as backside not going to drink that again! Never trust someone when they tell you to “drink this” with a smile.


• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. 
Email toniann.johnson@gmail.com


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