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ON TODAY’S EPISODE of Bajan Geographic we’ve got the different types of driverzonians. Sometimes there are cross-breeds but today we will look at all of the original species.
First up is the Turtlesaurous Rex. these particular types of drivers have often been BARP members for ten or more years and they are easy to spot.
If you see them driving, they lean into the windscreen as though they cannot see and drive at an average speed of 35mph. Then that my friend is a Turtlesaurous Rex.
Next is the Flex Rex. these drivers are often male and love to be seen, they tend to transport themselves in vessels that are excessively maintained, fast and often too loud.
These can be found in your nearest gas station at night talking about women, parties, football and, of course, cars. Their average speed is usually anywhere between 120 mph and “what de rumpelstiltskin?” mph.
Following closely behind is the Rythmsaurous Rex. They often hang out with the Flex Rex ingas stations, but I consider these to be an extremely generous species because they make sure that their vessels contain enough equipment which allows them to play music loud enough for anyone who is within a 90 mile radius to hear. They often drive slowly so everyone can enjoy their music.
My research took me to the more aggressive side of driverzonians when I came across the Mindyuhtail Rex. These drivers are often in a hurry and have very little patience when navigating the roads.
They are likely the ones who sit behind you in traffic at the stop light and sit on the horn 0.000001 seconds after the light has turned green.
They often engage in verbal confrontations and questionable sign language when they come into contact with anyone else and can often be seen arguing about an incident that would’ve happened 10 minutes earlier, as they drive.
Last but not least, there is the one that we all fear and they can often be spotted by the infamous ‘H’ License plates: the Dem-ain’t-from-bout-hey Rex.
These are the ones dat does often go down one-ways in de right direction, straight at a stoplight when they were suppose to turn, drive slow and brake often because they are looking for their destination, cause everyone squint and tilt their heads to a side when they are spotted. If you doubt me ask me.
With all the different types of driverzonians, one thing is clear, when driving yuh have to think for you and the person behind and in front of you.
• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org