Last Updated: Friday, November 20, 2009 : 7:46 PM
Home / News _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
News
Men tell tales of abuse
This victim, like most men is embarrassed to publicly say he is being abused because of the stigma attached to it.
Published on: 9/20/2009.
Stories by MELISSA ROLLOCK
THEY BEAR the physical and emotional scars of years of domestic abuse.
They've suffered quietly at the handsof their abusers, afraid to speak out.
They've been bruised, abused and misused. And, they're all men.
On condition of anonymity, three men shared their horrific experiences with the SUNDAY SUN recently in an effort to bring awareness to a problem that has been swept under the carpet for years - men who suffer abuseat the hands of their women.
Most men are too embarrassed to report or talk about their abuse because of the stigma attached to it. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable to most people that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.
The few who do, charge that they have been laughed at or
had their masculinity questioned.
One such man, whom we'll call John, was in an abusive relationship for two years before he got out.It started out blissful but soon became possessive with his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) making frequent calls and unannounced visits to his workplace.
"It came to a point where I couldn't go anywhere,I was being accused of having an affair with every female. It turned physical when I could not take it anymore and stopped returning her calls.
"One evening, I was at work and she came to my workplace but I didn't acknowledge her. She askedme if I was seeing someone else, I didn't answer. I just wanted to get her out of my system.
"She grabbed me and started to pull off my shirt buttons. She scratched me all in my face. It calledfor a lot of restraint. I was tempted to hit her butyou know what? The law favours women when itcomes to domestic abuse.
"There were times when I would call the police when it got overbearing and the police would always listen to the side of the woman.
"I never hit her because I've seen spousal abuse in my home. I grew up with it and I'm not going to repeat it. There were times when I had to physically restrain my ex [to stop her from hitting me]. I found when I did that, she became more violent," shared John.
His ex became so violent that he found his car tyres slashed one evening after work. She even tried to stab him on a number of occasions.
"She was a master at crocodile tears. She'd tell me: 'Who you think the police is going to believe, me or you?' And she would laugh. She broke up my laptop and when I called the police, they made mock-sport at me - they laughed. They asked me what kind of a man I was and called me a soft man," John recalled.
He said his ex's size - she was smaller than him - made it difficult for police to believe that she was the aggressor and she used that to her advantage.
"I realise that women are good actors when it comes to the emotions, they will cry. Men in their weakness will tend to side with the woman before they hear the man's side of the story. They figure a man is physically stronger, so he's the aggressor," he said.
It took about three years for his ex to leave him alone; she started seeing someone else and that diverted her attention from him.
John believes attitudes, especially those in law enforcement, need to change so men who are victimsof abuse can come forward.
"Most men don't report cases of domestic abuse because they feel they will be laughed at. Some ofmy male friends knew about my situation and they laughed. My advice to men is to count to ten; don'tact in the heat of the moment.
"The police need to take our complaints seriously. They only take them seriously when it is too late; when someone has been killed. Domestic abuse on men is a reality. Once more women start being prosecuted the men will come out. Until such time, men will hide in the closet as it relates to domestic abuse," said John.
Even in the church
Abuse is not limited. It touches even those in the Church, as our next victim proves. He was married for three years and both he and his now ex-wife were Christians.
They would attend church every Sunday as if nothing was wrong but behind close doors, all hell would break loose.
Peter (an alias) was abused both physically and verbally by his former wife to the point where he felt emasculated. He was never allowed to be the man of the house and his opinions were shot down by his spouse, who was more educated than he was.
"It started after we got married. It began when she couldn't have her way. I'm a quiet person so I don't usually make snap decisions, I have to process them first. That was not good enough for her.
"If she came up with an idea or something,it always had to be now, now, now. And becauseI didn't respond in her time, I would get a cuff.
"One time, I was lying in bed and she asked me something and I took some time before I respondedand she kicked me off the bed and I fractured my hand. Another time, I got struck in my head with a piece of wood. I had to go to hospital to get medical attention.
"The doctor said to me: 'So she's dead?' He thought I would've retaliated but I'm not that type of person.
"I don't believe in hitting. I've grown up and seen itin my family and I've seen the destruction it caused. I've always said to myself growing up that I don't want that around me.
"The only way I cannot have it around me is to don't do it. Because I get angry doesn't give me the right to strike you," said Peter.
In hindsight, he should've picked up on the signs. When they were courting, his ex-wife's behaviour was somewhat controlling but he was so much in love that he dismissed it. If she caught him talking to women, no matter how innocent it was, she would barge in on the conversation to assert her place as his woman.
Peter sought the counsel of his pastor who told him in essence that he needed to make a decision as to whether he would stay in the abusive relationship or leave. Still, he endured the abuse.
However, things bcame clear after his ex-wife hit him in the head. He moved out, it became a police matter and she was summoned to court. But, as Peter put it, she used her feminine wiles to get him to drop the case.
He did, but regretted it.
Peter thought that sexual encounter was a sign they could work things out – not so.
“I remember one time after that, I got sick really bad. We were still living apart, but after our encounter, I thought I could go by her so she could take care of me. You know she closed her door on me? At that point, I got a rude awakening,” he said.
Because of his Christian values, Peter never wanted a divorce and it took a number of years before he could start the process.
The whole experience made him wary about relationships and marriage. But he met a woman who changed his mind and he has been married to her for the past three years.
“My ex-wife thought she knew it all. It is quite the opposite with my new wife, who is also more educated than I am. I have more input when it comes to our relationship.
“When I say things to my wife, she doesn’t dismiss them. She allows me to lead; she doesn’t belittle me,” he said.
Verbal abuse
Verbal abuse can be just as bad as the other forms of abuse. It caused David (an alias), to lose confidence in himself to the point were he suffered low self-esteem.
He was married for ten years, but only half of it was enjoyable.
The last half of the marriage was turbulent and filled with daily put-downs.
“One time, I spoke to her about a matter I was not pleased with and that set her off. She started verbally abusing me. It didn’t take much. It seemed like [it happened]every day, but it was more like twice a week.
“I did not respond and I believe it got to her. She knew I was that type of person, the type who wouldn’t get violent, and I think she exploited that too. She would curse me using expletives,” recalled David.
Even when he got promotions at work, that wasn’t enough to extinguish her fury, he said.
“I tried to show her I really cared and that I was ambitious but that meant nothing to her. She criticised me and told me I was a failure even though I was advancing in my profession.
“It really started to affect my self-esteem. I was being bombarded with this abuse and was made to feel less than I was,” he said.
It also started to affect him physically. He became jumpy at every little noise he heard, thinking it was his (ex) wife.
David decided that to preserve his health, he needed to get out of that toxic environment. So, he found a place to rent and the only worldly possessions he took with him was a TV and his clothes. It wasn’t much, but at least he had his sanity.
He wants other men, especially young men, to avoid making the same mistakes he has made and offered this bit of advice:
“When you’re courting and you pick up any signals, discuss them, small or big. Before you even have sex – because once you go there, your judgement gets clouded – put all of your cards on the table early; what you both expect of each other.
“You should go through a courtship for at least a year to get to know each other. That is good time to pick up on any problems. Don’t let your heart control you. When you meet a woman, your heart rather than your head controls you.
“Make sure, I can’t emphasise this enough, that you meet her family to get an idea of what kind of person she is. Also meet some of their friends. Find out how selfish or selfless she is and what type of family person she is,” he said, adding that these were just guidelines.
“But if you follow them, they will spare you a lot of heartache in the long run,” advised David.
45 comment found!
MALE ABUSE : 9/28/2009
Any type of abuse is unacceptable. It's sad to read these stories. I'm still finding it difficult to believe that there are men who are abused by womenfolk. I guess that's because one hears about far more cases of male abuse of females than vice-versa, so we fix it in our minds that a man is always the guilty party. I suppose the warning signs for potential abuse by either a man or a woman would be similar:a continuous aggressive stance,fear tactics/intimidation, attempts at complete control/dominance, witholding affection and the like. I'm convinced in my heart that GOD Himself as clearly indicated in His Word, has ordained Godly men to lead in the home, church, various institutions in society etc. However, this does not mean that a husband should not generally listen to and/or consider the views of his wife on various issues/matters. But when a husband allows his wife to abuse him continuously, he's abdicated his GOD-bestowed leadership role in the home. And therein lies his problem. If he would just stand up and be a man("Only be strong and of good courage", JOSHUA 1:6), a sensible woman would back off. And if she doesn't, you know the lady isn't quite right upstairs. Got a huge problem. A sure candidate for prayers and some Christian counselling, if the couple are of that Faith. If the abusive spouse doesn't show a willingness to change her ways/behavior for the better,the abused brother should do the wise and prudent thing by initiating a separation.
tales of abuse : 9/27/2009
Sherrol H They must stand hand in hand not hand in face to protect the Dominance you want to concede to him because he is a man Women should be heard and seen as leaders of the household there is no reason why a woman cannot sit at the head of the table or make family decisions.Women as the weaker sex not many women are going to agree with you because there is no such thing weaker in what sense? whenever i find myself in the superior position i use that to make things equal with whom ever i am dealing with this i find is more satisfying in showing/Gaining respect.Using violence/verbal abuse to maintain dominance in a relationship or for any reason is dead wrong.maybe in a pride of lions or a troop of pyramids but Humans? We are above that are we not?
The Head Of Who : 9/26/2009
Women needs to realise that man is the head of a woman, in turn CHRIST is the head of man. If married a decision should be made by two going with the better one of the two, it does'nt matter who made the point..I am a married woman of 20 years and I give my husband his respect as dead of the family and no disrespecting of each other, we have 3 kids and I make sure that respect is due to each other. Woman was made from man's rib, not to be over his head, or not to under his feet but to be at his side. If you both are christian and one is been abusive you should read you bible daily and meditate on the words of our LORD and GOD. When God created us he did not leave us empty handed he give us a daily manual in means of his bible, whatever problem we are facing today there are advice and counsel in the bible for us . To a married couple we have the best counsel ever. Man continuing treating your wives as the weaker vessel, and wives continuing respecting your husband as head. Whatever happen to marriage vows and values.
to Higher Heights : 9/26/2009
this is what makes women abuse...
Abused : 9/25/2009
No one should have to experience abuse. It is a good thing that some men are speaking out. I believed that the lack of respect to another human being is the cause of abuse in any form. It is also a shame when children have to grow up experiencing one of their parents go through the awful process of abuse by the other parent. People need to speak up and let those in authority know what is going on. These children are usually psychologically affected as they grow into adulthood.
Abuse : 9/25/2009
To "I am Woman" What about the man that woos and courts and when they finally marry and just want the woman to cook, wash, clean and be a bed mate, comes in late everyday and expects the wife to be satisfied with that? Is that not abuse? Some men think that being silent is not abuse, but when you try to have a conversation or ask a question and gets no response it is very hard. Thank God that I am not a short tempered person, if I were I think that my husband would probable be at MESA right now lodging a complaint against me. He ignores all the questions and lies by omission and I get sooooo peeved. I know that an abuser needs no excuse, but what are these men doing to trigger this? It is much easier to abuse a woman, men abuse for sex, food and control, woman may abuse for money because some men drink out all the money or gamble and then are cowards when they go home, hense the abuse. If this is the case than why would they not cease the bad habits? If the wife is demanding the pay cheque, then I thing that there is bad money managment on the man's part but of course he would think that it is his money to squander while the household goes lacking. Is that not abuse on his part?
Abuse : 9/25/2009
Would someone please tell my hubby that waking me up at 3 in the morning for sex when I do not like it is abuse? The more I protest, the more he does it. He cannot understand that I need my morning sleep more than my night sleep. He is very ignorant to these things. Are most Bajan men like that? He also cannot understand why I can cover with a sheet and complain that I am hot when he wants to wrap around me when I am trying to sleep, he does not understand body heat times 2. Would someone please tell him that if he continues to do things to someone that distresses them it may not be physical abuse but is emotional abuse? Would someone please tell him that if I get up and beat the crap out of him for doing it that it would be in self defense and not abuse? Anyway enough about me. Poor John.
ABUSE : 9/25/2009
I LIVED A HORROR FOR 25 YEARS AND THEN LEFT AFTER MY CHILDREN GRADUATED UNIVERSITY.SOME WOMEN ARE MEAN- MEAN -MEAN,BUT I STAYED FOR THE CHILDREN.I COULD NOT EVEN TELL MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS HURTING!@ I LIV IN CANADA,BAJAN MEN NEED NOT TO BE ASHAMED.
: 9/24/2009
Typos or not, Higher Heights does have a point. He must also be commended for his strategy of dealing with conflict, by going home at himself rather than beat the woman or endure any abuse. Why fault him?
: 9/23/2009
Every time I write my opinion in your paper it is never published. Concern Bajan/NY
: 9/23/2009
To HIGHER HEIGHTS you should be ashame to take such a serious problem and trivialise it with utter rubbish you have written. Men and women die at the hands of their partners because of physical abuse also the psychological damge is so severe some people never recover from this also children and family members have to pick up the pieces.
The Message is what Counts, Not the Messager : 9/23/2009
Its a fact, my suggestion works, and its also a fact, dispite the post having its words errors , you got the messeges clearly. Thats what counts. SO Dont be so focus on the messenger, focus on the messsage. Its one approach to avoid lots of today relationship problems. If you hold your own tuff, who the france can tell you how to run it, except your self. So if your woman/ women live else where, and you at you, who is KING? you or them. Thats the core message. No time to fret and argue. YOU JUST HEAD ON HOME AT YOUR SELF.
Abused Men : 9/23/2009
I agree with a lot of the comments written. Yes, There are a lot of low self esteem men who are abused by women they can't control. Some come to the USA on Vacation get introduced to these women, they don't know any thing about their back ground. Marry them to get a green card as a business. There is no love there. That is where the trouble starts for the relationship. The women starts to get posessive and verbal abuse the men because of the green card situation. Take away their man hood and self esteem and make them less than little boys. The boy children they have together have more clout than the fathers. This is true. Some of the women just want to be married to show people that they are MRS So and So going to church every and living a life of two personalities, insecure and controlling on the home front the man has to bring home the bacan and pay the bills, and be the nicest Christian person among her sister friends. The man has been beaten down so much he is afraid to leave for she coming for him to take him home. That is what one would verbal abuse when you are afraid of you spouse. Marriage should be a two way street whether it is for a reason or not and you stay in the relationship after 20 years. the children are grown and left home. But still the man does not want to leave home because he is afraid to move on with his life. Find peach and happines with some one else other wise he is going to be old, lonely and miserable. Domestic voilence is domentic whether it is verbal or physical by man/women. It ought not to happen. If two people can't get along after they have been married for a period of time then they should divorce and move with their lives. They should not be ashame of public opinion. People who are laughting and talking about you are no better off than you. Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy. God put us on this earth to be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. May GOD bless all the brave men who came out of the closet. Bajan/USA
To Higher Heights : 9/23/2009
The whole thing is not capable of being read or being fully understood. It will mean the same thing, so I do not have time to read it again. The only person who can understand the full contents is the person who wrote it, I believe that is you, so read it correct it and resubmit it in a logical form. I don't believe anyone else managed to read it either. It needs first to be deciphered or decoded and then translated from "idiocy" to logic. Yes I looked up the word and it sums up your verbiage in full. Please look up the meaning of verbiage too. The undersigned speaks two foreign languages as well as prides her self in being able to read and write many Caribbean dialects too. I even understand my dogs when they bark and what they need. It is a good thing that at least the words in your nonsense were type written.
: 9/23/2009
Higher Heights...first thing... you should stay off the web since you are limited in the art of 'writing and spelling'. Secondly, you haven't gotten the picture yet!
: 9/22/2009
Then Mr A .Williams, I Suggest that you read it AGAIN. If you had difficult the frist time, Then by all means , READ IT AGAIN
To Higher Heights : 9/22/2009
Higher Heights, The only thing I understood from trying to read your comment is that you have some type of grievance against women. I did not see anywhere in the article where it said that women moved into men's houses and put them out. It is about violence against men. Also you cannot take any material wealth out of this world with you. Persons, male or female, with this selfish attitude should be left alone in their house without even a match to light a fire to send a smoke signal as means of communication to others as they would not have forged any meaningful relationships during their lifetime. By the way, "babel" can also mean to talk nonsense or a confused noise.
: 9/22/2009
I have the solution to all these problem men dose have with women in Barbados and the rest of the westren world. Solution One. Dont let no woman move it with you if you already have your own house. There is A monkey la In Barbados and I understand in Canada, USA and England , That says if a woman live with a man for five years or more, wheether marreid or not , she can have the man removed for the house , even if it is his, because th eman is reported as the trouble maker in the repoert. I SAY let the woan and any kids she may or may not have had live else where. whethewr its a rental or a place they choise to let. That way you can have as much women as look like, and be as you like and no woman can tell to leave,. you at you self , they at them Solution TWO, Alway have more than one women and never get emotional deep with women. when Wome discover that a is head over heel for them , themajority of them take men for a ride, finanical , psychologly and socaily. so HAVE more than one women is like have more than one car, if one break down, you can drive the other one, if all two break down , then you can always rent one until you get the other working again Solution Three Dont listen to any of this psycho Bable nonsense about male masurinety and all that jazz. the true i s as a man if you believe that junk, you will start behouar and responcing just like that junk the try to ram in our heads as man for all those tv progrmme on CBC. I say just do was will work our in your own best interest. Man only has three role in a relationship with anywoman who has children for him. Thes are to PROVIDE resouce for the kids up keep ,PROTECT( OFF SPRING not her, she can walk any time) and procreate If most men decide to live as I suggest. No headache about argruement s and abuse would arise, when the woman , women In your life are become an annoys , you dont have to stict around to hear the end to they conservation, You just up and leave, go home at your self, and if later in the day you feel happy , you employ solution no. two Remeber what I say here and you be safe if women get up set by my thinking, , if a reflection of the time we live in, women push all these laws ,so men must adapt
: 9/22/2009
Men being abused and beaten up by women is nothing new as a child my grandmother spoke about some women who beat their husbands and the husband having to hand over his pay packet every Friday thank God that some men are willing to speak out about this, hopefully police and the authorities takes this issue very serious.
man bashing : 9/22/2009
this has been going on for donkey years...my mom told me when she was growing up, that there were women who used to regularly beat their men, and the men would not fight back. it was a common joke. that being said, hurting your mate is wrong, no matter who is doing it to whom, no matter where it goes on.
Love can go sour : 9/21/2009
As women have become more educated and more assertive, and with the advent of sexual equality the roles have been reversed in many cases. At a point in time, wives were regarded as the property of their husbands and they did have a rotten deal, in many respects. Domestic violence/abuse should be frowned on and be wiped out after all people have become more enlightened and civilised. I recall a story of a married couple, the wife was well educated and professional, the husband came from a humble background and had a humble job and nothing to show for it. She, on the other hand, had a lovely upstairs house, nice car and all modern conveniences. After they had been together for a while she began to treate him very unkindly and would verbally abuse him for the slightest thing, she looked down on him. She would often threaten to put him out of the house because he did not own any part of it, or anything within it. One night, after a recent row, as they were asleep upstairs in bed she woke him up telling him that she had heard someone or something downstairs and that he should go down and investigate. He refused to move and she got very aggressive and began to abuse him. He had had enough and he told her in no uncertain terms that she should go down to see who was down there because as far as he was concerned she often reminded him that he did not own anything in the house so he was not worried about anything that got stolen. Apparently it was the cat down stairs wanting to get out, but that episode ended the marrage and they both moved on in life. She probably loved and respected him at the start, but love went sour and she lost respect for him, probably because he did nothing to improve his status in life or he had become an embarrassment to her.
Men tell tales of abuse : 9/21/2009
Men do get abused - and this should be taken just as seriously as when women get abused. Women complain that they find it difficult to obtain support in these circumstances, then how do men feel with the added stigma of being seen as less than a man. I think we need to be a little more open-minded to the things that actually do happen in families and relationships. There is verbal, physical, emotional and psychological abuse and it can be perpetuated by both men and women. Both men and women need to look out for the signs because there are always signs in life for the way people behave. If a comment makes you feel hurt in anyway then you may want to question whether the person cares about you and may need to voice your opinion about the discontent to nip these things in the bud before they become habitual and a way to deal with issues and before they escalate into physical abuse.
Men tell tales of abuse : 9/21/2009
I applaud you for not retaliating. For a very long time I heard of these situations where women abuse men and people seem to think it is a joke. I do not feel that men or women should be abusive to their spouses. You seem to have some class, but you stayed in that relationship for too long. It does not get better it gets worse. I am happy/glad you have finally made the move and have moved on. Thank God I have never been in any of those relationships, if I did I would probably be in prison all now. Keep on running if you encounter the same thing again. Life is worth living - HAPPILY. Bajan/Canadian
I am a Woman : 9/21/2009
When I tell the guys that their approach to getting a wife is wrong, they laugh at me. However, I realize that some men want to get in bed with a woman that "looks good!" Men stop taking the woman to the beach, the cimema, out to dinner and turn off the music and TV when the 2 of you visit each other. They are all distractors. Take some food items for her or you to make a meal. Go for a walk and sit in the open and talk about life. Don't smile so much, you have a long life to do that with her/him. But, some men take the premarital sex to seriously, they trap themselves with the wrong woman. I am sorry for Peter, John and David. Love not Lust!
Men Don't Talk : 9/20/2009
There was a real life movie on this topic some years ago. Yes, they are some women abusers and it becomes very difficult for law enforcement when they are called to situations such as this. I heard about a man who was forced out of his home by a woman and went to a homeless shelter. After telling his story, the door was closed in his face. They did not believe him. This happens and is on the rise. Neither man or woman should be abusing each other. If they have children, it is going to be very detrimental for them. They will also follow this pattern of behavior. I hope the law cracks down on it and put these aggressors behind bars.
: 9/20/2009
It sad it happens on both side, I am a female married for over 20 years, My husband verbal abuse me all the time. My self esteem was very low, A supervisor at work told me once, you are beautiful, educated you need to improve your self esteem. This man thinks he is perfect to the point having a child outside his marriage, no one knew for 15. years. That is when I took control of my life.
men tell tales of abuse : 9/20/2009
My brother christain brother is being abuse by his wife for the past 20 plus years. He would not get out of the marriage because of the children but now he is going to do it. This lady finally admitted she only married him because of who is was at the time a great man, a good provider and a man with money. Now that the money is low she calls him all kinds of names along with the name calling of his private area as a fig. He wants a divorce but the lawyers always size on the women side because of the croc tears it is time that the judge see the side of the men also and do what is correct. My brother does not want to loose his 4 children but if it come to that he will have too. This woman is abusing him too much how much more can he take after 20 years.
men have no chance : 9/20/2009
this is happening all over the world. women know how to abuse men especially verbal abuse.if we defend ourselves they are very quick to call the cops.sometime they even inflick injuries on themselves and then have the men arrested.its no no win situations for men. here in the u.s.a we have a saying.kids are #1,women #2, dogs are#3 and men #4 in the spot in the pecking order.
Abuse : 9/20/2009
Domestic abuse is commom to males and females alike, and I do agree that Police only seem to empathise with males when it's a relative of one of their own. Far too often, Police investigation is not thorough and blame is not accurately apportioned to the female expert of abuse. Far too often also,under the guise of protecting the females, some worthless Police develop intimate relationships these females only to recognise their folly later. It is time for men to come out of their shell; it is time to stop being embarassed; it is time for MESA to do a bit more in support of men; it is past time for serious and decent men to get together and lobby Government to enact laws to protect them and their rights too; it is time for them to lobby parliament for high maintenance women to pay them child support when children reside with them or their extended family and to obtain fair visitation rights; it's time to forge forward for government to a matrix system for maintenance; it's time for men to push imprisonment and remand for women when their are agressors, as is done to them. I expect to get lick up for this. I know the days when females were serious victims of licks. Some will say the tables have now turned. Either way it is an unnecessary and unwanted evil in a modern society. All that is necessary is a balance in legislation to equally benefit both genders. Get up men and cease being lazy so and sos, it's time to start working for your own upliftment Retired
Leave the abuser : 9/20/2009
Abusers male and female alike need to be left alone. These are remarkable men not to have blown there tops and beat the living day lights out of those women. I commend them for their restraint. The officers who laughed and past disparaging remarks are not worthy to carry the badge of the RBPF. Are they not there to serve and protect the citizenry male or female? Hopefully others would learn from what these experienced and stop abusing women and other men who are being abused would leave their abuser. It is any wonder that we have people leaving each other and getting divorce after their children grow up and leave the house.Some of them have put up with unfaithfulness and abuse of every kind for years and stayed for the children' sake. These abusers will be old, lonely, confused and very well deserved to be.
Domestic violence on males : 9/20/2009
The police actions in this article is very disturbing. This is a serious matter, I believe that police officers needs training to deal effectively with domestic violence. It is not a laughing matter. To the Commissioner of Police, PLEASE provide Domestic Violence training for your officers. Domestic Violence is not a joke.
Love : 9/20/2009
A lot of the problems that these people have is because there is no love. A lot of them marry for lust not love.They don't read the Bible. GOD is love.Some of the old time people that put things in food etc were uneducated they could not read the Bible. They did what grandma did.
Love first : 9/20/2009
The mind operates on two levels. We have love and fear; and fear is a defense. What a person focus on expands. If you see something of your past, that is your heritage and not your future and just leave it there. Like attracts like! A person can only attract what you project, so if you Completely love yourself first you will attract the highest and best of what you desire in a mate. Visualize the kind of mate you desire and don't settle in the mind thinking well this happened to one of your parents and they survive it and so should you. Always seek the best and ONLY look for the best because YOU deserve the best. Always speak kind & pure from the heart not only to yourself but to others as well. Sometimes its really good to wait, do not feel the need to rush in a relationship because others are doing it and it looks great. We are our brother's keeper while on earth, so bless each other with love as God loves us. Focus on good in people and only look for the good and you will receive good. Please do not look back @ the past, cause there is absolutely nothing one can do, reach and grab hold of the future because you can only make it as bright and wonderful as you desire it to be. With Love Enlightened One
abuse comes in many forms : 9/20/2009
The end of this document is so true, if you don't really try finding out the morality of a person it could lead to problems. People raise without good morals and love of a real family is trouble. A person who had no stable life ran from pillar to post living all over the place will never be comfortable regardless to how much you try to make things good for them. parents of this type of person never show any love to them had no time raising them well so most time these people had to learn life the hard way.
Verbal and Physcial Abuse : 9/20/2009
Abuse of any kind is not healthy.While the percentage of men to women abuse is higher than the women to men,I know that it does exist,and it does so for numerous reasons. Let's look at the statements which was made by some of the men.They said that the women was more educated that they are. The bible tells of being unevenly yoked, and society has placed a lot of emphasis on degrees,rather than common sense.Because she may have more degrees than you,that does not give them the right to belittle the men and abuse you.I am sure that before they got married,they were aware that their husbands did not have the same academic back ground as they, but they fell in love and got married. A lot of men and women is to blame for the state of divorce in the world to day.They get married because their wives are pretty,or have a good job, and vice versa the women also. I am sure that you are familiar with the say "come see me come live with me,are two different things". It is because today both men and women, only have to see a pretty face,or know that one or the other is studying for a degree, and they think that they have met their soul mate, and only after a few months, they are planning to get married. They true colors comes,or they think once they have gotten their degree,that this person no longer fits into they life style,or are ashamed to take the person out with them,but is only hanging on because that person's paycheck pays the mortgage. This is where the abuse start, out of frustration,because one or both of the want out,and have too much pride, to get out.I know of too many miserable married people both young and old, and is still married, because they want to be Mr and MRS So and SO,and care too much about what other people might say.
tales of abuse : 9/20/2009
This has been happening with both sexes being the victim for donkey years. This guy i remember his wife will give him a beating when ever she felt like. everyone will just look and cheer her on. the same thing when some men beat up on they wives no one cared. some women would go so far as to say ["he loves me that is why he beats me" sic] The law has to properly train officers in dealing with these domestic problems that faces us all. Another thing that should happen is, when a domestic assault is reported the police take ownership. prosecute without the option of either party droping charges. Officers should be more professional and deal with the problem. keep they comments to themselves. Domestic abuse is a crime we need to put a end to this.
been there done that : 9/20/2009
you sound real foolish maybe you do not forgive but some day i hope God will get through to you even though you went there you should be more loving you are a pig
: 9/20/2009
Peter paying for Paul..........
: 9/20/2009
In the old days there were times when women used to poison men by putting thngs in their food and tea. The poison would make some men sick and foolish . It is reported that some women would cook with a certain bath water after washing a particular part of their anatomy. There is reasearch information that points to an activity where some women used to cook with a certain piece of garment at the bottom of the pot. In the old days Some women have even been reported to have cooked human waste in cou-cou (that is why I dont eat cou-cou). Women are reported to have used these ingenious methods to 'get back at men' or to get rid of men. Has the itent changed or have the methods changed ?
IF SHE HITS YOU ONCE & YOU STAY, SHE OWNS YOU. : 9/20/2009
Abuse is abuse regardless of how one looks at it. It is refreshing although sad that these men are coming out so late, and society is accepting that this type of abuse is a reality. Why the abuse? There are many theories or l should say answers. Some women as well as men are insecure, others are mentally ill, while some are just plain wicked, some are just plain stupid to name a few. Who is to be blame for this? Sometimes the victim, the abuser, sometimes ignorance by the authoriries. Lets take each individual story separtely. John appears the innocent victim in this relationship. Frankly, he was not the victim. He appears to me that he depended on his Ex for love and security. He was just sewing what he did not have growing up. He no doubt had a domineering mother hence, his choice of this woman. He admitted that his Ex is smaller than him, and she even expressed how her size would help her if the police were called. Here we have a man that took lots of abuse for such a long time by a pint size woman. How inteligent is a man to stay in an abused relationship. She could have killed him. Peter is a victim of circumstances. He himself was too much in love because he was Mama's boy. Peter chose a woman to hide his true feelings of his sexuality. His ex saw this in Peter and saw the advantage in controling the relationship. This is one of the reasons women abuse their husbands or boyfriends. In Peter's relationship, frustration by the Ex brought the abuse to a boil that even his minister could not fix the problem. Unfortunately we dont have the third victim in view. But abuse by men continues to be a problem in modern societies and if Law Enforcement continues to turn a deaf ear, lives can be lost and children can become motherless/fatherless. Education, education, and more education should be pushed from childhood up to adulthood. Men/women should be taught how to see the early sighns of abuse. Remember, if one hits you, and you go back with that abuser, then he/she owns you, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
mantell tales of abuse : 9/20/2009
I am sorry to hear of the man situation but women need to stop their fighting this guy did the right thing because he is not in prison way to go the man that she has now let her treat him like she did to you he may put her in her place
Tales of Abuse : 9/20/2009
Where is the remainder of the story for us online readers?
male abuse : 9/20/2009
male abuse happens the same as female abuse, what I would say to John is, at some point you have to stand up for yoursel. If the police or courts dont do nothing about it, you have to put a stop to it, you cant say abuse went on in your childhood, so you not going to do nothing, because you sound like you was dealing with a monster, next time be very careful who you date.There are lots of sick people out there, both male and female.
WOMEN : 9/20/2009
they do get away with murder MEN is always wrong there is no JUSTICE they dont get hang for murder they get pity with GOD he dont favour no one policemen get on the women side for sex as for me you hit me you got it coming going to chruch for some is a habit they dont belived in JESUS TOO MANY DEVILS IN CHURCHS
: 9/20/2009
boo-hoo ....what goes around, comes around!
TODAY'S CARTOONS
11/18/2009
Most Emailed Stories
'Young boy' full of love (11/13/2009)Report: Barbados least corrupt in region (11/18/2009)Pop star flies in family (11/13/2009)$600m resort hits snag(11/13/2009)Experts: Don't cut bonuses(11/19/2009)Tortured teen back home(11/15/2009)Angel in The City(11/15/2009)NOT ALL GLOOM(11/17/2009)BBC to launch FM station in Barbados (11/18/2009)
 |