by MELISSA ROLLOCK

SEX IS A BAD WORD. At least, in the church, anyway.

So says Reverend Errington Massiah, rector of the St Joseph Parish Church.

He said some churches deliberately shunned the subject and, as a result, marriages were breaking up at an alarming rate.

Some wives were too cold when they reached a certain age but still wondered why their marriages were on the rocks while some husbands believed they had "bought the cow" and therefore didn't have to try at romance any more, he pointed out.

Reverend Massiah was responding to questions about a Bahamian pastor's controversial move two weeks ago to bring in a secular deejay to talk to his congregation about sex.

Pastor Arthur Duncombe of the City of Praise Church came under fire when he invited Jamaican deejay Macka Diamond to speak at a seminar entitled Angels By Day, Monsters By Night.

The deejay demonstrated a secular dance called the Belly Yuck which the pastor hoped would help wives keep their husbands from being enticed away.

Though Massiah didn't agree with the pastor's method, he said he understood his intentions.

"To be honest, people, not only the church, don't like using the word sex. It is seen as a bad word. I have come across a number of people in counselling, especially women, who complain about their husbands. They will tell you that they did everything to keep the man.

"I remember a case where a lady told me she washed her husband's clothes, cooked his food, kept the house tidy and he still wouldn't stay home.

"Then I asked her what about sex? And she told me she was too old for that. If you don't provide it, the men will go where they can get it.

"Too often, women allow church to take over at a certain age and they are finished with sex. They stay away from it and prepare themselves to meet their God.

"I wouldn't have gone the route of this pastor but I think the church needs to talk about sex more," said Massiah, who didn't let the men get away that easily:

"A lot of people after they get married they don't date, they don't send each other cards, or go out to dinner. A lot of men fail in this area. A lot of men say they want to work hard all day and night to put their wives in a good house and give them pretty cars.

"But women have feelings, and if you don't provide that sex, somebody else will do it at your expense and with your luxury too."

The reverend said the marriage vows talked about "with this ring I do wed and with my body I do worship" and the only way to worship your spouse with your body was through sex. He said it was based on trial and error and there was no one right way to do it.

Another problem arose when husbands and wives became selfish lovers only interested in their own satisfaction. The goal, said Massiah, should be for both persons to satisfy each other.

He suggested that people in the church sometimes resorted to secular help because some priests and pastors knew very little about sex themselves or were too pious or religious to even utter the word.

"Even in this interview, people might say I am rude but I am not a rude priest, I am a very honest and practical person. I believe some people when they saw that article, they would've said [that man] was a dirty, worthless pastor. Not so. That was his way of putting it over.

"I would've got up in the church and talked to my congregation about it myself," he said, adding that couples should enjoy sex while they were young "because when you get old like me you start going downhill".

Pastors Destiny and Bernhard Cadogan of Love and Faith Ministries Inc. know the struggles marriages face. They have been through their own personal struggles in the past and have set out through one of their initiatives, Operation Marriage Restore,to help struggling couples in and outside of the Church.

Like Massiah, they didn't agree with Duncombe bringing in a secular person to talk to his congregation.

"People are having massive problems in the area of sex when it comes to marriage. Women are more frigid than ever and suddenly, after marriage, sex becomes a ritual. I support the pastor's motives but not his methods," said Pastor Destiny.

Her husband was in agreement:

"I've already talked to some of the elders in our church about this and we agreed that we would never use such a method to teach married couples about sex.

"A lot of people in the church have this concept that sex is perverted or taboo, but God's people have to have sex.

"It is a spiritual thing; it should be kept pure. I wouldn't want an unsaved person coming to talk to our church about sex," he said.