SADE LEON SLINGER comforting Stanley who is HIV-positive at 18 years old.

by CAROL MARTINDALE

AT 17 years old, Stanley was living a lifestyle he knew would put him in danger's way.

He was promiscuous, was engaged in risky sex and had multiple partners.

That lifestyle started three years earlier when he was 14, after his first sexual encounter was initiated by an adult.

Even with the red flags fluttering, Stanley still didn't take notice – after all, he was young and invincible.

What was the worst that could happen? He certainly couldn't contract HIV. To him, it was an "adult disease".

That thinking changed late last year.

In fact, his entire life changed.

After a bout of illness, doctors confirmed what he dreaded most.

He was HIV-positive.

Worse yet, he couldn't track the person from whom he contracted it.

Stanley wasn't surprised when doctors sat him down and told him their diagnosis.

He would be the first to say that, given the lifestyle he was living, it was coming his way, sooner or later.

He never banked on sooner.

Stanley would have much preferred later – much later.

"Even though I knew the life I was living, I was hoping and praying I didn't get it. You put yourself in the line of fire knowing it could come your way, but still hoping it wouldn't," said the sprightly-looking young man.

Stanley, now 18 years old, sat down with the WEEKEND NATION earlier this week to talk freely about his illness, the events in his life that led him to this point, the about-turn he made in his behaviour, and even his thinking.

For this young man, his nightmare dates back to a year ago when he had a bad case of tonsillitis.

The pain was so excruciating that he couldn't eat or drink. As a result, he lost a lot of weight.

Medication he received from a clinic soon stopped working. He fell ill again.

He was admitted to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital forthwith.

He was badly dehydrated and was a little off-balance as he tried to walk.

He spent three weeks there completing a series of tests, one of which was HIV. To do this test, doctors had to get permission from his guardian.

After he was discharged Stanley still felt weak.

"I felt like the wind would literally blow me away and to talk was real draining on me," he said.

All this time, HIV was not on his mind, even though some people kept saying "he got AIDS" because of the severe weight loss. "... But I wasn't thinking that at all," he said.

The results were back in two weeks.

It was confirmed – Stanley had HIV, the virus that leads to AIDS.

What a blow that was to this young man with his whole life ahead of him.

He was scared, not knowing who to call or whom he could tell. He wasn't raised with his parents. He was raised by relatives and didn't have the nerve to tell them. They would be hurt and disappointed in him, he said.

"Who could I trust to tell this to?" he asked himself.

Immediately, he thought of Sade Leon-Slinger and the work she does with the Ministry of Health as the community health education officer. He had been part of a sensitisation programme she had conducted months before HIV was a part of his life.

He sought her out and broke the news. For this teenager, a burden was lifted.

He was still in denial when he revealed his big secret, recalls Sade who was at his side, supporting him during the interview.

"You're right. I just didn't want to believe it even though I was living a risky lifestyle and my behaviour was risky," he said. He admits that he never really practised using a condom with his partners. He was also never really faithful to any one person. Fun, he said, was the name of his game.

"I can't believe I let an hour of fun cost me the rest of my life," he said.

"The way I think has changed. The way I look at other people has changed. I know what I am going through and I don't want others to go through this," he said, agonising over some of the mistakes he has made.

Still looking calm as he related his story, Stanley said there was too much pressure on young people, even as they tried to do the right thing. He believes he fell victim to this.

"When young people go to buy a condom some people look at them and they are so shame that they put it down and leave. Then, they want sex so bad they still go
and have sex, making apologies to their partner for not having a condom. People make them feel shame," he said.

This thinking changed, though, after he learnt he was HIV-positive.

Stanley recognises the importance of being responsible. Hence, he now protects himself and his partner. He admits, though, that for some time after he was diagnosed, he was not interested in having sex.

"Now, I practise safe sex to secure my future. I am scared of dying too early," he said.

The teenager also said a lot of young people believed they were too young to contract HIV. "They feel it is an adult disease or a gay disease and they feel they can't get it," he said.

Parents too, have been neglecting to talk straight to their children about sex and to tell them how to protect themselves.

"They just don't want to believe their children are having sex," he said. He also cautioned young people not to rely on friends for the right information.

"There are a lot of young people who also get sick or they do risky things and they want to know if they might be sick. But because 18 is the legal age of consent for permission to be tested, and because they don't want their parents to know, they prefer to wait till 18. But the thing is, it could be too late," he said.

Stanley recognises, though, that some people can't deal with test results. For his part, even though he is positive, he tries not to "study it", fully aware that stress would bring on all other ailments. "Everything I feel when I get ill, I wonder if it's related," he reflects.

He now wishes he had time on his side.

"I get angry with myself. I look at others with a future ahead and say 'look at me, I had my future'."

Still, he wants to make a start. All is not lost yet, he believes. After all, there is so much more he wants to do and so many places he wants to see.

"It's not too late for me, even if I don't get to complete it," he said with a sparkle of hope in his eyes.

carolmartindale@nationnews.com