WHY DO MANY WOMEN, and some men, return to relationships that are scarred by extreme violence? It's a question that boggles the minds of many who, for the most part, have never stood in the frightened, shaking shoes of a Rihanna or any other victim.

But domestic abuse has become a stark element in our daily lives, and attempts to deal with it by punishment, shelters, and - as Rihanna has done - by speaking out have merely scratched the surface of this scourge.

In fact, random incidents have increased in this country, filling daily court pages with endless cases that end in death, oft-disabling injuries, and prison. Add to those the life-long scars of broken marriages, fractured families, and children who will never again be able to interact with either parent.

This scourge now shaking the very foundations of this rock called Barbados will hopefully get some healing through a Barbadian who has the eyes and ears of the world - megastar Robyn Rihanna Fenty - who warned women everywhere two days ago not to let themselves be blinded by love or return to abusive relationships.

In relating her saga with abusive former boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna told ABC's Diane Sawyer "when I realised that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed . . . I couldn't be held responsible for telling them to go back."

She added that domestic violence was still largely a secret until something horrendous happened.

"No kid goes around and lets people know their parents fight. Teenage girls can't tell their parents that their boyfriends beat them up . . . I feel like I represent a voice that really isn't heard," Rihanna said.

Barbados has confession columns, Dear Christine, radio and TV talk shows, a shelter for battered women, hotlines for advice, legal services and child-care; while on the international front there are hundreds of organisations, as the Obama administration recently signalled its stand on domestic abuse by recommending political asylum for a Guatemalan woman fleeing horrific abuse by her husband.

Between 600 000 and six million women are victims of domestic violence each year, and between 100 000 and six million men, according to statistics from the US Department of Justice. It must also be noted that psychologists theorise that women, especially, believe the violence is their fault, fear for their own and/or their children's lives, and have an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient. This is prime territory for preventive strategies.

Barbados cannot simply wait for more incidents to occur. Clearly, preventive measures, such as counselling and more forums to boost self-esteem, are needed. The church also needs to play a stronger role in decrying such incidents and providing shelter for the disadvantaged - whether men or women.

Rihanna can also be their voice, and she and all victims in similar circumstances can grow as a result.