by SANKA PRICE

YES; without a doubt; so true!

That was the unanimous reaction to this week's question: Do you find that people fall in love with you, then try to change you into what they consider their ideal mate, whether you like it or not?

Each person who responded lamented the fact that this is the most significant feature
of all relationships. Even those who reported that they had happy unions said that
their partner tried this at
some point.

If this behaviour is so galling, why do people tend
to do this?

It could be due to some human obsession to have
those closest to them think, dress, eat, do and be everything they want.

The unfortunate fact about people is that most of us are controlling in our behaviour, and those who aren't are often passive in nature. Either way, both seek to pressure the other by their behaviour, as they often think their way is the right way.

What's the answer?

We are all unique

People need to recognise that their partner is unique and has their own personality. They need to respect this and realise that if that person's personality does not mesh
with theirs, they should
not be together.

The following are
edited versions of the responses received:

* "It's an unconscious act that is done by both men and women. If someone wants
to try to mould you to suit them, then I think that that isn't the one for you."

* "Yes, yes, yes. In the beginning, they sing the tune that you two were meant to be.

"However, when things
get more serious between you two they suddenly cannot stand some of your friends, you are now compared to past loves or other people, they suddenly get more outgoing, or less,
a once bubbly personality changes and their ideals sometimes make a 360 degree turn and all the goals that they claim to aspire to, most fall to the curb."

* "Oh so true. They can't get enough of you and claim how much you and them are alike and in sync. However, months or years into the relationship they start finding fault about most of everything.

"I can attest to that. I met this person who was just like that. He was cool with art and nature, loving all the whole works. Months into the relationship he wanted me
to change my way of dressing
to blend with the popular culture like what the girls are wearing now.

"Other things about me
he tried to change but that was where the road came to an end for him."

* "Sometimes, it's a case where the person just wants better for their significant other. But in other situations one person may try to change their partner for selfish reasons, and then that person becomes uncomfortable. So,
it can be both positive and negative effects."

* "There is much to be said for the statement 'the qualities we initially loved about our mates are the very same qualities that we end up hating about them'!"

* "People get to know you and like you for you. Then later in the relationship they want to change the way you dress, what you should do and not do. And if you do start
to change things about yourself, you eventually don't feel like yourself and they eventually don't like you.

"People should be
looking for compatibility,
the qualities that they would like in a person, not the other way round."

* "Yes, especially after marriage. Most people are cooperative and loving when they are courting and try to show the best of themselves, but when you are 'wife' they expect you to do all the work and 'take care' of them. Why should a woman 'take care' of an adult man?"