BY RICHARD HOAD

ACCORDING TO W.C. FIELDS, "there comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation". That was quoted in a recent blog discussion on "crunch time" for Barbados. I hope they don't mean it literally. I ain't takin' no bull by the tail. Crunch or no crunch.

Newish VOB Brass Tacks moderator Harry Husbands isn't afraid to take the bull by the tail to get to the bottom of the homo scenario. If I understand his position, he has no problem with two hard-backed men living together as man and man and raising a child. I can't believe anyone would wish such a fate on a Bajan boy.

Fortunately, a new BBC station has opened right next to VOB and it's easy to cut off moderators when they sicken your stomach. But I'm glad I didn't ditch old Harry for I would've missed the gloom and doom of Dr A.D. Persaud, chairman of Intelligence Capital.

Dr Persaud, who can be seen resplendent in striped shirt and blue tie all over the Internet, is fairly bubbling with dismay at the latest rating by two dudes aptly named Standard and Poor. S and P are one step away from calling us "Junk". Dr P warns we must avoid this at all costs.

Taking an opposing view, again from the little I can understand in the debate, is Dr Don Marshall, a "senior fellow", who can be seen in an open-necked shirt in front of some bookshelves. His "very bold" suggestion is that the Barbados Defence Force be "bastardised".

How selecting our soldiers only from among those whose parents aren't married will help anything may not be quite clear to you out there, but don't feel too bad about it. These are complicated matters. The important choice, as I see it, is between striped shirt and tie versus open-necked shirt. As one who hates ties, I'm backing Dr Don all the way.

And I'm in good company. I've canvassed opinions from the monkeys who live down here, wood-doves, blackbirds, grass canaries, santapees, lizards, the two dogs and the cat. Not one is in the slightest worried about the economic downturn or Standard and Poor.

Why are we mankinds, made in the image of God, worrying? I'll tell you why. My boy Freundel said a mouthful recently: We're mixing up our needs and our wants.

Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we in this little paradise have only two needs: food and sex, or pudding and souse in colloquial termination. But through greed we have moved from Homo erectus (man with an erection) to Homo sapiens (sappy man) to Homo testudo (turtle man). Our endless baggage - house, car, clothes, ornamentation - has become so part of us we feel life would end without them.

It won't. You know my story. Had a job with a big, big house. Got married. Got fired. Lived in a little tent. No house, no toilet, no nothing. Later moved to the splendour of an old Government bus. Best days of our lives.

Trust me, Dr P, you haven't lived until you bathe your naked wife 'neath the starry skies with a garden hose. And she you. And soaping. And t'ing. Lord have mercy!

S and P have it right. We are a "junk" economy. We slave to buy Chinese-made junk from the Americans. They get rich; we live in fear of being "downgraded". It's time to tell them we ain't taking no more bull. By the tail or anywhere else.

Instead, let's Step Out In Faith with Pamella Rudder's Voices In Christ choir. I love that CD. It's got life, hope, inspiration and good music. Great Christmas present.

A good friend sends me emails saying God is only a "fictitious" belief. But God works for me. For instance, a secular, materialistic viewpoint would suggest I drop a broad hint that a CD endorsement like the one above is worth at least five Voices In Christ conkies (some still available) and maybe a plate of pelau.

Instead, I'm content to labour and not to seek for any reward, save that of knowing I'm doing His gracious will.