Saddened by husband’s hatred
DEAR CHRISTINE,I am a woman in my 60s. I have been married for 26 years and we have four children. The trouble Christine is that my husband does not love me.He makes that very obvious.I have lived in a loveless marriage for at least ten years, but stayed for many reasons. One being my last daughter, who was taking common entrance, then cxc, now she is at UWI.My husband does not even pretend that he loves me. He hardly says anything to me, unless it has to do with one of the children, and then he’s very short with what he has to say.I have never really worked at a real job or career, because my husband, with my agreement at the time, preferred that I stayed home with the children.About ten years ago I found that my husband was having an affair. I was devastated, but was willing to forgive him because I loved him and also for the sake of the children.But what surprised me at the time was that he didn’t seem to care that I had found out. He didn’t care whether I stayed or if I left.He didn’t even make an effort to deny that he had another woman.Our marriage was going down slowly before that, but after that it just went downhill rapidily.Some may say I am stupid, because I kept hoping that we would rekindle what we once had, but that never happened.Now we live under the same roof, but lead completely separate lives.I am lucky because I do lots of volunteer work and I have many friends, so I have a fairly active life, but when I go home some days, I feel so alone, especially at nights.My children support me and I suppose they have learned to live with the situation.They are not hostile to their father like they were when his affair first became known.What hurts me more than ever is that my husband does not even pretend that he likes me. It’s like I disgust him. I often wonder what it is I did, to turn him off.I have resolved that the marriage is over. I have also decided that I will not be the one to leave the house. If he wants, he can leave.But Christine, I admit that I hurt because my husband did not have the guts to tell me why he hates me so.I am not interested in any other man and now only live for my children.I am there for them whenever they need me.But I don’t think I’ll rest easy until I know what really happened to what appeared to be a happy marriage, what turned him off to the extent that he so obviously hates me.– SAD WIFEDEAR SAD WIFEIF after ten years you have been unable to get the reason from your husband, I am not sure what can be done now to make him open up to you.My advice is that you do not blame yourself. Some wives tend to blame themselves for their husband’s infidelity.Your situation unfortunately is not unique. I get letters far too often from women in your situation.Some have made the bold step of branching out on their own after years of “security”; some have stayed because they were not brave enough and like you, some have stayed hoping that things would change.The most I can say about your situation is that from all that you have said, it appears that you have found a way to live not only in a loveless marriage, but a loveless home, but still finding fulfilment in the life you lead.I would hope that you can find a way to move on emotionally. Your husband obviously has.You are still a young woman relatively speaking and should not allow the actions of this selfish man to rob you of true happiness.– CHRISTINE
