by Sanka PriceTHERE ARE STRONG VIEWS on both sides as to whether a partner should search the other’s cellphone directory or Facebook account.Those who see nothing wrong with doing this argue that if the person has nothing to hide, then they should not mind such searches. They ask, what’s the big deal?Those against stressed that it violates an individual’s privacy. They say that you either trust your partner or you don’t; so when you want to know something, simply ask him/her. They argue that because of the honest dialogue two people in a healthy relationship should have, then you should get a straight answer.These views best sum up reaction to this week’s question: Is it okay for spouses to go through each other’s cellphone directories and friends information on Facebook? If ‘yes’, why; and if ‘no’, why not?The flood of responses received tells us this is clearly a touchy subject between couples today, where having cellphone contacts and an online presence seems to be of utmost importance.What’s our view on this?While we appreciate the significance of these media to today’s lifestyle, people need to realise that a relationship is something that you have to work at everyday if you want it to be successful. So though being connected is great, if you truly love your partner and want your relationship to flourish, you need to get to know each other in every way possible, and that involves spending time together and talking – yes, talking – honestly about any and everything. This exercise builds trust and fosters the closeness partners should have for each other. It also allows you to recognise if your choice is right for you. That’s our two cents!The following are edited versions of responses received:• “I have nothing to hide, but it is a matter of trust. Of course, I recognise that not everyone can be trusted. But if you can’t trust your mate then you need to leave.”• “It is not right to snoop on your partner. Checking and snooping does no good but causes a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache. If you are in a relationship and there comes a time where you cannot trust your partner, then get out. If that person is really cheating, they are not going to admit it.”• “Some people say that as they are bonded in marriage as one, such checking is not necessary. They use that to hide, cheat and lie to each other.“If you are not up to no good, the Facebook search should be no problem. As personal property, searching a cellphone is different. But, like FB if you have nothing to hide your spouse should be able to go through the phone as much as they like to satisfy their curiosity. Of course this should be a two-way street.”• “I would never allow my husband to have access to my cellphone directory or Facebook account as that would be an infringement on my privacy, and would demonstrate that he does not trust me. It would also give him total control of my life. Only jealous or insecure spouses tend to want this information.”• “Cellphones are private, so they not on my hit list for searching for information. However, Facebook is free and open to all, so I check up my partner out of curiosity. “That said, we have to stop blaming others for our insecurities and deal with our partner. I know my reasons for using this social network and will not let suspicions stop me as I have absolutely nothing to hide. I will admit that a few of my Facebook male friends have come on to me, but they are no longer in doubt about my status and my expectations from using the network. “I, too, have seen the duplicate accounts and single and open relationship statuses of others (like my husband) who are married. Partners must know this too unless they do not use the Internet, so you are not tricking others.“I have noticed that my husband is now asking many questions about my past and I believe he is searching for information on my account too. I have also noticed from my own account that our relatives overseas are good friends, which I still have not mentioned due to my nosiness in the first place . . . After this question, I will ensure we discuss this.”• “Even though we are a couple, we are individuals and deserve some kind of privacy. The only one who knows everything about everybody is Jesus Christ. People live together for years and still don’t know each other. Where do you draw the line for privacy?”• “If someone is going to cheat on you, they will cheat. Checking or snooping will only allow you to find out quicker or make you suspicious and paranoid.”• “Everyone needs some kind of privacy to feel like a human being. On the other hand, if you don’t trust your partner, you should check their cell and Facebook.”• “If you know what an individual is capable of, then you know it’s hard to believe everything they may want you to believe. Some people are on their phones all hours of the day and night sending or receiving texts and emails. Anyone involved with this type of individual needs to be on alert and check up on who they are corresponding with. It may not be a good thing but may help to open one’s eyes about your spouse.”
